JerzyGirl527 is offline JerzyGirl527 Post #1  February 2,2010, 1:24pm
JerzyGirl527's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

New Jersey

Posts: 95

See profile

I have been a member of eHarmony since the first week of July. In that time, I have received over 580 matches. Of those 580+, I have only had communication with TWO. One match actually went to the Open Communication stage, and the second fizzled out before we even got to OC.

I check my matches daily. If I am interested in a match, I will initiate communication. If I am not interested, I close the match. I don't believe in wasting anyone's time. (I've even played the game of not initiating communication with matches I'm interested in; letting the guy make the first move, and STILL no results!)

I have had friends (as well as the fine people of this forum) review my profile and my pictures, and after making some adjustments, things seem to be in good order. I have multiple pictures posted (head shots and body shots) and all of my questions are answered.

While I understand that it is completely reasonable to not have found "the one" after seven months, I would have thought I would have at least had a few more communiques by now.

Maybe there is nothing I can "do," but I had to at least vent, as I feel a bit frustrated.

Thanks for hearing me out!
 
  Reply With Quote
ScottK is offline ScottK Post #2  February 2,2010, 2:31pm
ScottK's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

PL, Minnesota

Posts: 2,301

See profile

JerzyGirl527 wrote :
I have been a member of eHarmony since the first week of July. In that time, I have received over 580 matches. Of those 580+, I have only had communication with TWO. One match actually went to the Open Communication stage, and the second fizzled out before we even got to OC.

I check my matches daily. If I am interested in a match, I will initiate communication. If I am not interested, I close the match. I don't believe in wasting anyone's time. (I've even played the game of not initiating communication with matches I'm interested in; letting the guy make the first move, and STILL no results!)

I have had friends (as well as the fine people of this forum) review my profile and my pictures, and after making some adjustments, things seem to be in good order. I have multiple pictures posted (head shots and body shots) and all of my questions are answered.

While I understand that it is completely reasonable to not have found "the one" after seven months, I would have thought I would have at least had a few more communiques by now.

Maybe there is nothing I can "do," but I had to at least vent, as I feel a bit frustrated.

Thanks for hearing me out!
I see you are a Full-Time student.

Does this mean you are young?
Like early 20's?

If so, this might be the problem.

I don't believe EHarmony attracts younger people, as its easier for younger people to meet other places, like college, dance clubs, and friends of friends who aren't married yet.

Otherwise, it is hard to explain...

You don't say whether you are getting Closed a lot, or whether guys just don't respond...

If its the former, you are right to have your friends check your Profile, and you might want to consider posting your Profile here for review as well.

If its the later, you might just be stuck in a certain 29 dimensional area that just isn't active on EHarmony in your area...
 
  Reply With Quote
JerzyGirl527 is offline JerzyGirl527 Post #3  February 2,2010, 3:20pm
JerzyGirl527's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

New Jersey

Posts: 95

See profile

ScottK wrote :
I see you are a Full-Time student.

Does this mean you are young?
Like early 20's?

If so, this might be the problem.

I don't believe EHarmony attracts younger people, as its easier for younger people to meet other places, like college, dance clubs, and friends of friends who aren't married yet.

Otherwise, it is hard to explain...

You don't say whether you are getting Closed a lot, or whether guys just don't respond...

If its the former, you are right to have your friends check your Profile, and you might want to consider posting your Profile here for review as well.

If its the later, you might just be stuck in a certain 29 dimensional area that just isn't active on EHarmony in your area...
Thanks for your response. I'm actually 30.

After losing my job in Dec 2008, I'm using it as an opportunity to go back to school full-time to get my degree in History Education.

For the most part, guys just aren't responding. The one's who do (very few) are simply closing me.

I get anywhere from 7-10 matches a day (which I think is a good number), I'm just not getting any responses.

I've posted my profile here before and tweaked accordingly, but no luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  February 2,2010, 3:36pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,691

See profile

I would classify the data into two groups:

Those with no activity at all. These guys are probably non-paying - let them sit until the next free weekend and poke them with a "nudge" or message.

Those who start the process and / or close you when being matched. These are the ones you have to analyze yourself about. If you are finding that 99% (or some number in that range) of matches are closing you, I think some self-improvement is needed; if 50% of matches are closing you, I would make only small changes and be patient.

For instance, I used the free weekend over the Dec / Jan holiday, and had about 50 matches, of which several made it all the way through the process, and another several started the process. I closed a lot, and a lot closed me.

When I was a paid customer, I used it for about 15 months, meeting in person about one new woman per month, and establishing a relatinship every three to six months.
 
  Reply With Quote
JerzyGirl527 is offline JerzyGirl527 Post #5  February 2,2010, 7:47pm
JerzyGirl527's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

New Jersey

Posts: 95

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
I would classify the data into two groups:

Those with no activity at all. These guys are probably non-paying - let them sit until the next free weekend and poke them with a "nudge" or message.
I know a lot of people aren't "paying," but even on "Free Communication" weekends, I get no contact.

D_Lion wrote :
Those who start the process and / or close you when being matched. These are the ones you have to analyze yourself about. If you are finding that 99% (or some number in that range) of matches are closing you, I think some self-improvement is needed; if 50% of matches are closing you, I would make only small changes and be patient.
Most matches seem to fall into the first category. Those who close me list the ever vague "Other" as the reason for closing.

I am not opposed to introspection, reflection, and change. If I was, I would be wasting my time here.

I'm just not sure what to do. While I may not be a Supermodel, I believe I am attractive, intelligent, and fun to be around.

I'm just not sure how to help other people see this.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  February 2,2010, 9:47pm
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

See profile

Where do you live and what distance are you searching? What age ranges are you using?


I typically get 6-8 matches a day. I will get some matches at odd times--likely those conditional matches.

I have regularly gotten to the point of meeting people about once every 6 weks or so.

Have you expanded where you search? Are you restricting your match settings too much?
 
  Reply With Quote
eh_fan is offline eh_fan Post #7  February 3,2010, 12:07am
eh_fan's Avatar

Thank you, eHarmony

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

I don't think you are doing anything wrong.
It doesn't matter how pretty or not-pretty you are. There is always a match (a lot of matches).

I don't know what to say. I believe your time will come.
 
  Reply With Quote
suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #8  February 3,2010, 7:11am
suzyblueeyes's Avatar

is engaged

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

USA

Posts: 855

See profile

This doesn't sound right to me. Assuming there is nothing off-putting in your profile and pictures, I would expect a much higher rate of success (based only on my own experience).
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  February 3,2010, 7:26am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Your experience seems a little below expected. Without knowing more about you it is hard to say exactly what the problem is if there really is a problem. But here are a few observations from someone who has been on here a lot longer.

First, most (about 90%) of your matches are going to be non-paying members who can't respond. Most non-paying members are also non-active so they will never view or close you.

I was on for 7 1/2 months before I got my first response. And 10 months before I got a match that would get all the way through the communications process and actually meet.

Suggestion, since you have been on for 7 months you could request to re-take the Questionnaire. Then set aside an hour or two to carefully consider each question and how it really relates to you.

Suggestion, if you have full time student listed as your occupation change it to what you used to be employed as or list it as "Education". And certainly don't list it as being unemployed.
 
  Reply With Quote
JerzyGirl527 is offline JerzyGirl527 Post #10  February 3,2010, 1:00pm
JerzyGirl527's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

New Jersey

Posts: 95

See profile

ami1uwant wrote :
Where do you live and what distance are you searching? What age ranges are you using?
My distance range is 50 miles. For me, this covers all five boroughs of New York City, Philadelphia, parts of Pennsylvania, New York State, and 90% of New Jersey. Considering I live in the most densely populated state in the Union, and my distance range covers two of the largest cities in the country, I don't think distance is my problem.

My age range is 28-36.

ami1uwant wrote :
I typically get 6-8 matches a day. I will get some matches at odd times--likely those conditional matches.

I have regularly gotten to the point of meeting people about once every 6 weks or so.

Have you expanded where you search? Are you restricting your match settings too much?
I get plenty of matches per day; I just don't get any that want to talk to me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« When was the last FCW? | Using eHarmony | free weekend coming up »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Ever been Caught in the Wrong Line? j0hn8andy About You 37 November 30,2009 9:07pm
I called him by the wrong name! Help! teacher22 Using eHarmony 20 November 27,2009 4:51am
did I do something wrong?? nicoleak3 Ask a Dating Expert 6 September 24,2009 2:55pm
Wrong number landstar59 Chit Chat 4 July 25,2009 7:09pm
Am I the wrong one? Should I stay or just call it a day? living_in_a_dream Ask a Dating Expert 3 June 6,2009 7:52pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:47pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0