Life_is_good is offline Life_is_good Post #1  February 1,2010, 3:05pm
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So, as I mentioned before, I joined EH at the beginning of December.
I've read these boards, read the advice, and made changes to my profile based on suggestions when I posted my profile here, and from what I've read.

I have pictures, face shots and full body.

Last week, I was frustrated at the lack of activity, so I went through all of my matches, closed those that I knew I was not interested in, and initiated communication with the rest. I have 12 matches that are in that stage right now. Of those, 2 responded. I sent them my MHCS, and there I sit!

One of them I just sent on Saturday, and the other on Wednesday, so I know it hasn't been a long time, but it would sure be nice to get something at some point!

This is not looking like a good investment for me at this point.

I'm not that scary, acting or looking, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

One thing that I did think could be an issue is that I'm 49. As a woman, maybe I'm falling into the abyss age wise?

Thoughts? Encouragement?
 
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stripe67 is offline stripe67 Post #2  February 1,2010, 3:28pm
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Hey, don't feel bad. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me....a lame-sounding intro, or my lack of exclamation points in my "about me". But after reading some of these posts it looks like guys and girls of all ages are having the same problem. I am starting to think this was a waste of money.
 
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Whatyasay is offline Whatyasay Post #3  February 1,2010, 5:39pm
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I'm wondering about eharm too! I joined about a month ago because it came highly recommended. So about a 10 days ago I started communicating with someone for 4 days straight, we seemed to be on the same page, then nothing and it's been 5 days!?....
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  February 1,2010, 6:24pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Don't know if this will be encouraging but I will lay out some facts so that you will know that it is not you.

First off you are doing well that you have had any communication in two months. I was on for 7 1/2 months before I got my first response. And about 10 months before I got as far as a date.

Most (about 90%) of your matches are going to be non-paying members who can't respond. Most non-paying members are also non-active which means that they will not view or close you.

You are doing what you should do by being proactive and initiating communication with all your matches that you have any interest in.

Unless you are looking for 20 year old guys then you are not falling into some bottomless abyss because you are 49. I am sure that there are plenty of guys who are around your age that would be happy to with a girl who was 49.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  February 1,2010, 6:51pm
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L'Chayim!

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Life_is_good wrote :
One thing that I did think could be an issue is that I'm 49. As a woman, maybe I'm falling into the abyss age wise?
Heaven forbid! I turn 49 in a couple weeks.

For what it's worth, your experience sounds similar to mine on eHarmony. I was on for a full year and never met anyone. I gave it a rest for a few months, then paid for 3 months. I met 3 guys off that 3-month membership, but none of them went anywhere.

I've had far better luck actually meeting guys at match.com.... but I've given up looking for a while, taking a break.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #6  February 1,2010, 8:09pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Heaven forbid! I turn 49 in a couple weeks.

For what it's worth, your experience sounds similar to mine on eHarmony. I was on for a full year and never met anyone. I gave it a rest for a few months, then paid for 3 months. I met 3 guys off that 3-month membership, but none of them went anywhere.

I've had far better luck actually meeting guys at match.com.... but I've given up looking for a while, taking a break.
In case I miss it, HAPPY 39th BIRTHDAY!

OK to the OP, not that there is any right or wrong way to do it, I had totally different philosophy. I had no real expectation of a relationship. Emerson (from essay "Self Reliance"): "whim!" I did know that if I did not make myself available and see all those who were available that my odds of finding someone would be equally limited. As I was interested in nearly everyone (I am generally very open to considering new ideas, viewpoints) I replied to nearly everyone in the first several months. Though many lead towards incompatibility, I loved answering the questions and seeing different answers / ways of looking at things. Doing this made the process fun and I made a bunch of friends (outside dating) along the way.

Those who are bored are usually boring.
If you want to have fun, be fun.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #7  February 1,2010, 8:16pm
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47 here. Started EH in mid Nov. I have lost count on closed matches. Have met and dated one person from this sight. It didnt work out but I have good memories. I changed my preferances and broadened my search. Mainly what brought more was dumping the spiritual but not religious mainly because those who said they were spiritual couldnt really explain it. I now get not religious nor spiritual matches and others.
I am now in GC with two (and I changed my age prefrences to a lower age also). I would not have been matched with either had I not changed my preferances.
I just wish they would hurry and answer those darn questions so we can get to OC.
 
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gonefishing68 is offline gonefishing68 Post #8  February 1,2010, 10:12pm
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Life_is_good wrote :
I'm not that scary, acting or looking, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

One thing that I did think could be an issue is that I'm 49. As a woman, maybe I'm falling into the abyss age wise?

Thoughts? Encouragement?
I'm sure you're wonderful and as others have posted, I think its just a matter of time. Having said that though, I do think age might have something to do with it, (I'm 42). Pure demographics suggests that the pool at our ages is smaller. Furthermore you may have noticed that there don't seem to be too many people on here who are in their 20s posting about a lack of success with eH.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #9  February 2,2010, 6:36am
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livenlearn wrote :
47 here. Started EH in mid Nov. I have lost count on closed matches.
you closed or they closed you?

livenlearn wrote :
Have met and dated one person from this sight. It didnt work out but I have good memories. I changed my preferances and broadened my search. Mainly what brought more was dumping the spiritual but not religious mainly because those who said they were spiritual couldnt really explain it. I now get not religious nor spiritual matches and others.
OK, I am slow... you were dumping them because "spiritual but not religious" (what I listed/believe? I have absolutely no doubt (TBI/NDE helped) that there is something beyond death and an omnipotent all powerful entity, but I have serious concern about the organizations (religous / churches) who, in very self serving ways, manipulate partial one sided ancient records to place fear in the less knowledgeable.
How's that? I would guess that many (haven been or seen the hypocrisy of different churches) feel this way, but are not able to express it.

livenlearn wrote :
I am now in GC with two (and I changed my age prefrences to a lower age also). I would not have been matched with either had I not changed my preferances.
I just wish they would hurry and answer those darn questions so we can get to OC.
gonefishing68 wrote :
I'm sure you're wonderful and as others have posted, I think its just a matter of time. Having said that though, I do think age might have something to do with it, (I'm 42). Pure demographics suggests that the pool at our ages is smaller. Furthermore you may have noticed that there don't seem to be too many people on here who are in their 20s posting about a lack of success with eH.
Demographics by where you live... I (46) went through several hundred before I started getting "flex matches." I was matched with L a couple months in.

As for the cost / "investment", the cost of 6 month membership was equal to 2-3 "blind" dates (which I paid, but that is another thread). I should note that included in the "cost" of a date is my time, which I considered largely totally wasted when I dated those I knew very little about, to find that we were completely incompatible. Knowing as much as I did (by the time through OC), the quality of the dates made the cost of EH membership (as someone else put it) "chump change" and definitely an excellent "investment." Additionally, I enjoyed how the exchanges forced me to look at new faucets of myself and others. For what it is worth, I do not think I ever closed anyone during GC, and was only closed 2-3 times, and yes, for a while it was not uncommon to have over a dozen in OC.

Emerson:
The nonchalance of boys who are sure of a dinner, and would disdain as much as a lord to do or say aught to conciliate one, is the healthy attitude of human nature. A boy is in the parlour what the pit is in the playhouse; independent, irresponsible, looking out from his corner on such people and facts as pass by, he tries and sentences them on their merits, in the swift, summary way of boys, as good, bad, interesting, silly, eloquent, troublesome. He cumbers himself never about consequences, about interests: he gives an independent, genuine verdict. You must court him: he does not court you. But the man is, as it were, clapped into jail by his consciousness. As soon as he has once acted or spoken with eclat, he is a committed person, watched by the sympathy or the hatred of hundreds, whose affections must now enter into his account. There is no Lethe for this. Ah, that he could pass again into his neutrality! Who can thus avoid all pledges, and having observed, observe again from the same unaffected, unbiased, unbribable, unaffrighted innocence, must always be formidable. He would utter opinions on all passing affairs, which being seen to be not private, but necessary, would sink like darts into the ear of men, and put them in fear.

Make it fun (instead of a task / cost) and you will have fun and be fun, exponentially increasing your probability of success, (IMHO). Even before I met Laura, with no LTR's in sight (not even having had any overnight relationships), I considered the experience an unquestionable success and would have renewed. Just my naive way of looking at things I guess.
Last edited by olneyjeeps; February 2,2010 at 7:00am.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #10  February 2,2010, 9:03am
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olneyjeeps wrote :
you closed or they closed you?


OK, I am slow... you were dumping them because "spiritual but not religious" (what I listed/believe? I have absolutely no doubt (TBI/NDE helped) that there is something beyond death and an omnipotent all powerful entity, but I have serious concern about the organizations (religous / churches) who, in very self serving ways, manipulate partial one sided ancient records to place fear in the less knowledgeable.
How's that? I would guess that many (haven been or seen the hypocrisy of different churches) feel this way, but are not able to express it.




No, no.Thats the only one I had checked. I got only spiritual but not religious. That limited my matches. I also found that most didnt even have as much of a belief system as you state. I am with you about the hipocracy of the churches. So now one of my matches is neither spiritual or religous. And I am very interested in getting to OC with them. Why? Because he seems to have more compassion and interest in the well being of others then most religous people I have met. But that remains to be proven yet.

I was closed several times before GC. I closed a lot because of other things in their profiles.
By my expanding my search terms, I am actually meeting very interesting people I would like to meet.
I was actually keeping myself locked in by thinking that if I had listed only spiritual but not religious I would find a match that had some kind of a belief system like me. I learned otherwise and am now getting more matches.
 
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