ShiNyBluEZ is offline ShiNyBluEZ Post #1  February 1,2010, 8:07am
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We have probably all seen the question option that says something like "how comfortable are you with opposite sex friendships", right? My best friend is a guy whom I used to be in a relationship with, and our relationship is platonic now. My question is this... is it ever ok to be friends with a guy you used to be in a relationship with once you're in a relationship with someone new, or should friendship be reserved only for guys you have never dated? I'm looking for the guys' perspective on this, too, please! Thanks!
 
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pussycatswhiskers is offline pussycatswhiskers Post #2  February 1,2010, 8:29am
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I am not sure why you want to know about this. Sounds like it is working for you and your ex so there is not a problem. Should you meet someone who is serious about being in love with you and you are cleanly out of the old relationship, it should not pose any problem. Personally, I have not seen this happen in real life.
My own experience with my partner being friends with his ex was not a good one. Turns out the ex wanted to get back together and was patiently waiting for me to exit. So the issue at the core of all this is honesty. There is just no room for dishonesty in a healthy relationship.

Hope this is helpful.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  February 1,2010, 10:21am

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I am the wrong person to ask on this. I have such mixed views.

I did come across a recent eHA article though..
Can Men and Women Really Just be Friends?
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #4  February 1,2010, 10:52am
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It's worked in my case...though by now the fact that we dated is more of a side note than anything else....we dated for 8 months and have been friends since for over 8 years.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #5  February 1,2010, 11:39am
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ShiNyBluEZ wrote :
We have probably all seen the question option that says something like "how comfortable are you with opposite sex friendships", right? My best friend is a guy whom I used to be in a relationship with, and our relationship is platonic now. My question is this... is it ever ok to be friends with a guy you used to be in a relationship with once you're in a relationship with someone new, or should friendship be reserved only for guys you have never dated? I'm looking for the guys' perspective on this, too, please! Thanks!
Sure it's OK. Not everyone is mature enough to handle it, and it may be a bad idea if one of the people isn't over the other one, but nothing wrong with opposite-sex friendships, whether they were former partners or not.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  February 1,2010, 6:09pm
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I would view a match maintaining a friendship with some one she had been in a romantic relationship with, with suspicion.

I could not imagine maintaining a friendship with someone that I had romantic feelings for once the relationship ended. But that is just me.

This said I would look at this differently if the dating was in high school and that was 20 or 30 years ago.
 
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ShiNyBluEZ is offline ShiNyBluEZ Post #7  February 15,2010, 10:33am
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Thanks, guys. It definitely is a good situation for my ex and I, but I have had some eH matches ask about same-sex friendships and when I say I have friends who are guys they often ask if I've dated any of them. I don't want to lie, so I don't, but that seems to turn people away. mr flyer, I like that you mentioned maturity-- the squeamishness may well be the result of a lack of that on matches' parts. Thanks for the article, too, Capn!

Ironically when we were dating my ex didn't feel that women and men should have opposite sex friendships really. Maybe that's a red flag that he is now ok with us being just that, but there hasn't been anything inappropriate on his part.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  February 15,2010, 11:35am
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ShiNyBluEZ wrote :
Thanks, guys. It definitely is a good situation for my ex and I, but I have had some eH matches ask about same-sex friendships and when I say I have friends who are guys they often ask if I've dated any of them. I don't want to lie, so I don't, but that seems to turn people away. mr flyer, I like that you mentioned maturity-- the squeamishness may well be the result of a lack of that on matches' parts. Thanks for the article, too, Capn!

Ironically when we were dating my ex didn't feel that women and men should have opposite sex friendships really. Maybe that's a red flag that he is now ok with us being just that, but there hasn't been anything inappropriate on his part.
I'd be very wary of anyone who expects you to end your platonic friendship with your ex. That would be the new guy's insecurity, not something wrong with you.

I think it's unhealthy to NOT have some opposite sex friendships. I'd feel pretty arrogant telling my partner I didn't want her to have any male friends- that sounds like something from a few centuries ago.
 
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