Throughly Disillusioned & Cancelling Membership


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jaykayem is offline jaykayem Post #1  January 19,2010, 6:08pm
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I am thoroughly disappointed with eHarmony and am cancelling my membership when it expires. I don't want to do it before the end of March because I won't get a refund. Besides, I am unemployed right now and I can't afford to waste another $200 plus dollars. I wish I could tell someone there at support about my experience - but they don't give you a phone number any more for contacting.

eHarmony was my last hope - I believed with eHarmony's help I would finally find the person I've been looking for for so long. But I've had nothing but a year of disappointments. I've been told nothing is wrong with my profile or photos, but I have only had 3 guys initiate communication with me in the last year - and they all stopped communication at different levels of Guided Communication. I initiated all the other communications and NO ONE bothered to communicate back. I have almost 300 CLOSED Matches! I am not any closer to finding someone now than I was a year ago! I might as well have saved that $200 - I could sure use it now.

My latest disappointment was a guy from MA - an irishman - the same age as me. I liked his profile and his photos, we had a lot of similar interests - and I love the Irish dialect - I've always wanted to visit Ireland. He initiated communication with me. I foolishly thought - "Wow, maybe I finally got lucky!" I responded to his communication requests and everything seemed fine - and then I had to send him my "Must Haves - Can't Stands" - and today I find out he has closed our match because he didn't like them. My "Must Haves - Can't Stands" seemed perfectly normal to me. I didn't get to see his - they must have really been off the wall or something.

I guess it's just as well - it just gives me more of a reason to cancel my membership. I know there have been success stories where couples have met on the last day of their memberships - I've read some of those stories. But I don't believe that will happen to me. I've had faith for along time and I'm just about out of it. I am beginning to think I am not meant to find someone. I hope I am wrong - but eHarmony hasn't done anything to help me feel any differently. I can't even stand watching their commercials anymore.

I am glad that eHarmony has had successes - I just wish I could have been one of them.
 
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NHGuy is offline NHGuy Post #2  January 19,2010, 6:19pm
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Join the club jaykeyem!

I get to the open communication stage, get in one email and they close me out.

Throughout the entire process, it looks like it is going somewhere.

My view is shallowness and people who have the "prince charming" or "cinderella" complex.

It IS truly frustrating......I paid ahead so my subscription expires in October.......

I have not been on the scene for 15 years and it is truly frustrating that people are just as picky, even as they age and are at 45 years old+.

I think we are all going to be 70 and single and miserable.....maybe then some of them will be ready to at least go out for a coffee!
 
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Dominion is offline Dominion Post #3  January 19,2010, 6:48pm
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I'm quite sure that no one takes this site as serious as what it's been billed at. I've been haveing similar experences as of late, but I'm new to EH so I'll give it a bit more time before I cancelle my subscription. I'm sure the whole thing is bias somehow, especially to Military males such as myself.
 
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sqg123 is offline sqg123 Post #4  January 19,2010, 7:36pm
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Sorry about your experience. A lot of people are in the same boat and online dating can be really frustrating and hard on the ego.

I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that online dating can and does work. I met my man online and its been a year now. Have you considered a different site? More popular sites (you know who they are) have more members and more members means more chances to meet the right person. I would encourage you to give another site a try. Most of the other sites are less expensive too.
 
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kittykatnyc is offline kittykatnyc Post #5  January 19,2010, 8:40pm
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I have met some really nice guys on this site (and other sites), but not 'the one'. I belonged to EH a few years back and was surprised when I came back a month ago that my account had over 700 closed matches from back then. I have now added another 'pile' of over 100 closed. (Most of these were closed by me!) Wow. I should also mention that with most of the guys who seemed even moderately interesting, I communicated to the open stage when possible, to truly try to get to know each one of them. If EH thinks we are compatible, there must be something worth getting to know. I met some really great guys who have become close friends. I dated some of them for extended periods of time. I have noticed since last month that a lot of my matches now are really nice guys, but everyone is just so darn busy (including myself). I have met 5 guys in person in the past three weeks and all have been nice. Only one was a little 'scary, ' but someone else might find him appealing. Most people just seem really lonely and sick of 'dating,' which is an unfortunate circumstance to be in. You have to approach this with a sense of adventure. The worst that can happen is that you make a few new friends.
 
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MonicainCA is offline MonicainCA Post #6  January 19,2010, 10:19pm
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I feel the same as original poster. I haven't spent as much money. I waited until there was a $20/3 month special to join. I've used those offers twice and I don't plan on returning again. I'm not sad about it. I'm glad I tried online dating on a paid site. I had tried free sites with no luck as well. I really wanted to know if there was a difference and I've discovered that there isn't in terms of getting responses. There is a difference in that on the free sites, people put their pics up.
With e-Harmony, I got one person who was intersted, but I wasn't. I've gotten hundreds of rejections... I no longer look at the total. Some were of my doing, the majority were my matches rejecting me. I take it in stride most days and keep my chin up. I just figure it may not be time for me to get into a relationship. I will not keep my membership, which will increase next month to $30 a month. I would rather use that money and go out and meet people. I thought that THIS was a better way of meeting someone. I haven't gone on one date as of yet from any matches on here. Most of my matches don't even reply or post pictures. There may be someone out there for me, but he sure isn't on e-Harmony.
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #7  January 20,2010, 4:58am
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The thing that frustrates me more than anything is the number of matches that simply are not paying customers and therefore cannot communicate. eHarmony delivers 7-8 matches to me every day, but many have incomplete profiles and no pictures and based on past experience I can expect that I will never hear from those matches after initiating communication.

There are people that poof for no apparent reason, but from what I hear, you can expect that with just about any dating site.

There are a lot of window shoppers and a lot of people that come to online dating without being honest about themselves. There are certainly some special snowflakes that have expectations so high that no man or woman could ever meet them. There are plenty of people that are looking for any reason not to communicate and suddenly any little thing that they don't like gets magnified into a major deal breaker.

I've been at this long enough that I can look at a picture and a profile and have a pretty good idea of who will and will not communicate with me and I can usually come up with a pretty accurate guess as to why some matches will close me without communication.

Despite all this, I keep trying. This is just another tool for me to meet women. It gets frustrating, but I try not to project that frustration on to my matches.

As far as pricing goes, there are plenty of promo codes out there where you can get a better deal. I've never paid more than $20 a month.
 
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gonefishing68 is offline gonefishing68 Post #8  January 20,2010, 7:09am
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jaykayem wrote :
My latest disappointment was a guy from MA - an irishman - the same age as me. I liked his profile and his photos, we had a lot of similar interests - and I love the Irish dialect - I've always wanted to visit Ireland. He initiated communication with me. I foolishly thought - "Wow, maybe I finally got lucky!" I responded to his communication requests and everything seemed fine - and then I had to send him my "Must Haves - Can't Stands" - and today I find out he has closed our match because he didn't like them. My "Must Haves - Can't Stands" seemed perfectly normal to me. I didn't get to see his - they must have really been off the wall or something.
It's ridiculous how some people close matches on the basis of Must Haves/Can't Stands. In fact the first two stages in the GC process on eH merely tells you more about the person and hardly forms the basis of a character assessment. Just as eH urges members not to make snap judgements based on photos, I think they should do the same with the first part of the GC process. After all, they claim to have brought matches together after a meticulous measurement of 29 dimensions of compatibility, surprising then that they seem happy with how often they get it wrong
 
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ShiNyBluEZ is offline ShiNyBluEZ Post #9  January 20,2010, 8:08am
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I've only been an eH member for a couple months, but I have met some very nice people and had some good dates. I guess I am more of a glass-is-half-full person, so I don't tend to dwell on the negatives of the process much. Also, I don't "need" a man to complete me, although it would be wonderful to find someone who fits with me and whom I fit with, too. The one thing I would like changed is I wish eH distinguished somehow on a person's profile whether or not they were a member. I usually assume people without photos are not members, but that is not always the case. I want to give people a fair chance to respond, but if they are not members and have no intention of joining, I've just wasted 2 weeks waiting to see if they respond.
 
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gonefishing68 is offline gonefishing68 Post #10  January 20,2010, 8:25am
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I guess if you're currently unemployed and spent $200 and havent got what you think is your money's worth, as jaykayem posted, no matter which way you cut it, the glass is going seem to half empty if not entirely empty.
 
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