Getting to know a new match w/mixed signals and texting?


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AlynC is offline AlynC Post #1  January 3,2010, 3:24pm
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I opened up commnucation w/a recent match who seemed like a great guy and we have since had two dates. A couple of long conversations on the phone and a lot of emails through OC, but now it appears to be just texting a lot between us. He even had to cancel another date and did so via text. I was fully aware he does text a lot because of being busy w/job, etc. The last thing I do remember is asking him how come he only texted? His answer was he understood that it can't be all about texting, but because of the holidays/work that he didn't have time to talk on the phone right now and that was the reason. I just got a little tired of it, but never came off as being mad.
I do believe now that I was one of those matches who were good until a better one came along. He said he was very attracted to me and how he was really a nice guy and would treat me the way I want to be treated and how we both liked each other and why beat around the bush, etc.yet on the 2nd date when I did ask how his matches were going (probably shouldn't have, lol) he responded w/one matched looked ok, but he didn't think he wanted to drive the distance. There wasn't any moves made by him either except a hug and handshakes.
He pretty much doesn't communicate w/me anymore now. I've even emailed him once explaining things, but nothing else back. He told me that communication was a huge thing in a relationship prior to everything and in his profile. I haven't closed out his OC and he hasn't closed mine either. Could he have closed me out already and maybe my end doesn't show that? I definitely plan to move on of course, but it didn't make for a great start on EH as being my 1st dating experience. lol
Last edited by AlynC; January 3,2010 at 3:26pm.
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #2  January 3,2010, 3:43pm
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AlynC wrote :
I opened up commnucation w/a recent match who seemed like a great guy and we have since had two dates. A couple of long conversations on the phone and a lot of emails through OC, but now it appears to be just texting a lot between us. He even had to cancel another date and did so via text. I was fully aware he does text a lot because of being busy w/job, etc. The last thing I do remember is asking him how come he only texted? His answer was he understood that it can't be all about texting, but because of the holidays/work that he didn't have time to talk on the phone right now and that was the reason. I just got a little tired of it, but never came off as being mad.
I do believe now that I was one of those matches who were good until a better one came along. He said he was very attracted to me and how he was really a nice guy and would treat me the way I want to be treated and how we both liked each other and why beat around the bush, etc.yet on the 2nd date when I did ask how his matches were going (probably shouldn't have, lol) he responded w/one matched looked ok, but he didn't think he wanted to drive the distance. There wasn't any moves made by him either except a hug and handshakes.
He pretty much doesn't communicate w/me anymore now. I've even emailed him once explaining things, but nothing else back. He told me that communication was a huge thing in a relationship prior to everything and in his profile. I haven't closed out his OC and he hasn't closed mine either. Could he have closed me out already and maybe my end doesn't show that? I definitely plan to move on of course, but it didn't make for a great start on EH as being my 1st dating experience. lol
I think it would definitely have closed on your end if he'd closed you out. It sounds to me like he's on the fence (or has already jumped off of it). What I'd do is to e-mail him one more time, thanking him for the previous dates, but explaining that you were looking for more communication than he seemed to be willing to give to you and that if you didn't hear back from him within a certain amount of time (day or two AT THE MOST), that you were going to close him and move on. I have heard of this kind of thing happening to people in the short amount of time I've been on here. They've even given it a name: 'poofing' (I'd personally never do it, because I think that's a totally classless move). Sorry to hear that it apparently has been done to you.
 
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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #3  January 3,2010, 4:24pm
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[FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=2][COLOR=black]Sorry to hear that AlynC. I wouldn't take it personally though. The first few dates are the hardest part of dating. "Do we click, do we not?" As far as your date, I question anyone that prefers texting to calling. To me, there is no reason why a person cannot just pick up the phone and call. Texting is nice for quick communication, but come on; we are not 13 years old here. I think that there are A LOT of singles out there that are serial daters. They date and date and date until something better comes along. Meanwhile, they don't invest enough time in any one person to determine whether or not they are a good match. I don't think that they even know what they really want. Who knows what is going on inside their minds and who cares? I just try to stick to the saying, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

Also someone once told me that the first year of dating should just flow. It should be fun and problem free.
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  January 3,2010, 4:37pm
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wrote :
I definitely plan to move on of course, but it didn't make for a great start on EH as being my 1st dating experience.
The odds of you hitting it off with the first person on the first date of EH is probably 1 in say, 500...
Only 499 more to go.

I'm one of the people who thinks texting is ridiculous...although it has its uses, when you know you can't disturb that person, in a meeting, etc...
I'm convinced most people use it as a way of avoiding actual conversation.
In most situations, it's lame.

If you start texting with someone who's constantly sending texts to you, you'll become one of their "text whores".
Last edited by TheThinker; January 3,2010 at 4:43pm.
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #5  January 3,2010, 4:41pm
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It could be also that I'm just too "polite", too. Maybe you should just dump and move on.
 
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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #6  January 3,2010, 4:49pm
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TheThinker wrote :

If you start texting with someone who's constantly sending texts to you, you'll become one of their "text whores".
lol...I couldn't agree more.
 
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wilky is offline wilky Post #7  January 3,2010, 5:51pm
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FebruaryStars wrote :
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
I love that quote!

Now for the OP...I don't like texting and I try to refrain from it but I will admit that it is an easy way to "communicate" without getting too deeply involved; basically exactly like the quote that Febstars put in her post...and yes, I'm guilty of doing that (allowing someone to be my option). Honestly it sounds like this person is doing just that.
 
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