Closing Your Matches - What Does "Other" Mean?


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kzakiah is offline kzakiah Post #81  January 6,2008, 3:02pm
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"other" means I "drother" not say
 
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willsucceed is offline willsucceed Post #82  January 6,2008, 4:36pm
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AMPY1961, I prefer your first response to SPIDERMAN914 - where you express shock that he'a not married...the poor fella is probably flattered, and since I'm sure that someone like him could never learn, I'd leave him alone to think how brilliant he is. Did you not see that I asked him if he was having a PMS day?
 
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amyspokane is offline amyspokane Post #83  January 6,2008, 7:03pm
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I am guilty of using the 'other' option but I don't anymore, Im more honest now. I will say "some of the comment in profile makes me not interested in this match' or 'I dont think our must haves/cant stands do not match'. I would like to know why a person closed our match just for the sake of knowing I suppose, however I dont cry over a match being closed. As another person posted....NEXT!
 
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Tracylee is offline Tracylee Post #84  January 6,2008, 7:41pm
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I agree that having the option of "I just don't feel a connection" would be preferable to "other". The only closed match that ever stung a little was from a match I hadn't communicated at all with and they closed the match using "I would rather not say". What does that mean? Like I said neither of us had communicated with each other so it wasn't as if I said or did something offensive. I would have much preferred they used other!
 
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whitesword is offline whitesword Post #85  January 7,2008, 1:47pm
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I would prefer to have "because I think so". Ok, joking. I think that "other" is for sorting at the beginning but at the stage of communication it is not very polite. And the choice is not impressive. How about "family background"? And I also want to have the option "lack of education". I am an educated, attractive woman and I know that there is no successful communication with a person who did not make an effort about education. Seems e-harmony specialists have different opinion. "No chemistry" is weird choice at the very beginning stage of communication but if a person clicked that - whatever. What I cannot understand why some people close because they pursue other relationship but still want new match? Just turn off the match producing and be honest with your current relationship. I have PMS day today (it should be an option as well
 
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Hadassah is offline Hadassah Post #86  January 7,2008, 4:11pm
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The "other" option is a good one. I had 2 matches close me out prior to any communication...the first one was looking for a "widow" and the 2nd one saw in my profile "drinking, a few times a year"...he closed me out, with the reason being "the distance was too far"...we live about 25 miles apart...but when I read his profile I saw he was a recovering alchoholic...he was being nice...he didn't want to be joined to a woman who drank once in awhile since it was his struggle...and he probably would not have asked her to stop for his sake. Being kind is something we need to always be aware of, dating is not the same as it used to be when I was a teenager, as so far all my matches have been kind.
 
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SensualWriter is offline SensualWriter Post #87  January 7,2008, 8:53pm
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I can completely understand eHarmony's reasons for providing the "Other" option as a way to close a communication with a match. However, providing such a vague, PC statement as "Other" is offensive too. Just get rid of it. Because the "I would rather not say" or the "I don't feel that the chemistry is there" or "I want to pursue other matches at eharmony" options can also be just as hurtful or insensitive. Bottom line, this is all a subjective process. I've been "rejected" by some of my matches, but I've also met some really nice and attractive men, too. But if a person rejects you, so be it. You're just making room for the person who DOES want to be with you. And that person is the only one who matters.
 
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jb315 is offline jb315 Post #88  January 7,2008, 9:21pm
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I think a fill-in-the-blank option of some sort should be introduced when people reach the open communication stage. From experience I've reached the open communication stage, but for one reason or another things didn't work out, and while I choose to explain my reasoning before closing such a match, some just close matches blindly and without regard.

If you are willing to go through the steps and things seems to be heading along nicely, but then in open communication you decide things aren't right, then you should have the decency to explain why. That said, however, those who choose to close matches without regard really aren't want you are looking for anyway, and often times, after the initial hurt and anger subsides, you will find that you are better off moving beyond them.
 
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dlw is offline dlw Post #89  January 8,2008, 10:23am
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I agree with not having a free form reason for closing a match, but I'd love some more formatted options. At least it should have options that address the basic profile info given at the top of the page for each person (job, height, age). There's one that addresses age, something like "the difference in our ages is too great" (paraphrased), but nothing that says you're closing the match because of height. Sorry, maybe it's shallow, but as a 6'1" woman, height matters to me. So I have to use "other" for many of my closings. Sorry guys.
 
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KMT is offline KMT Post #90  January 8,2008, 11:08am
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Hmm. Some really good food for thought in these posts. I haven't used "other" as a reason for closing a match, but I have used both the chemistry and distance responses. I used the chemistry response to a man that I had been matched with who listed specific height and weight requirements in the section about what he was looking for in a woman. I hadn't seen that weight since junior high, so I chose that as my reason for closing the match. Mostly, I use distance as a reason for closing a match. I live in a large metropolitan area and while I am sure there are many wonderful men outside of the area, I would prefer to meet someone closer to home. Just my preference. But I agree with Daabtz who has a problem with getting responses to communication. Unless there is something that stands out (such as distance or a weight requirement), I choose to try to open communication with everyone. I have communicated with 15 people also, with only one response - and he stopped responding several days ago. Please, I don't particularly care what reason you use, if you aren't interested, close the match. I find it rude to leave someone hanging.
 
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