Closing Your Matches - What Does "Other" Mean?


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kissed_too_many_frogs is offline kissed_too_many_frogs Post #351  October 14,2009, 4:06pm
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Caveat: I have only been using eharmony for a few weeks. Honestly, I close matches that I would otherwise consider dating because they haven't contacted me after having been matched for a few days to a week. I know this is online dating but I still maintain a more traditional approach to dating and think the guy should make the first move. I guess ultimately I find "making the first move" to be a masculine trait.
 
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annoid is offline annoid Post #352  October 17,2009, 8:38am
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this eharmony thing is a money-making machine feeding off the hopes of singles--i have not had a single discussion with any one of the dozens of ill-suited matches eharmony has paired me up with. i HOPE eharmony gives me back my MONEY!
 
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calmeforet is offline calmeforet Post #353  October 22,2009, 5:45am
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I don't know about others, but I mostly use other when I am matched with someone considerably taller than I. It seems to me that there ought to be a reason concerning height alone.
The other thing I would like to see changed is the question on do you want children. Some people may find the question of making or adopting a child similar, but for me the two questions are diametrically opposite. For me, the temptation of having a child is in the experience of conception and pregnancy as an expression of passionate love, and if that becomes powerful enough, I would want to have a child. Unless there are very special circumstances, I would never consider adopting a child. So to me, the question "would you want to have or adopt a child" is very ambiguous and the answer to it misleading.
 
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train_in_vain is offline train_in_vain Post #354  October 23,2009, 2:40am
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I generally close using the “I want to pursue other matches” option, which seems to say more than “other” though probably doesn’t if you analyse it. But perhaps it implies some thought, and so it is better than “other” which as people have said is lazy.

As for closing for height reasons, surely “I feel the physical distance between us is too great” is just perfect
 
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calamitysammyjo is offline calamitysammyjo Post #355  October 28,2009, 9:06am
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Well, having let my matches get to a ridiculous number, I finally weeded through and closed the non-matches yesterday. This was after reading several posts that ultimately convinced me that it's better to just close out than leave them cluttering my inbox because I of a fear I would hurt someones feelings by closing them. Anyway, in doing so I realized another possible reason for ppl to choose "other" - it's spatially the closest choice to the close button. I imagine that many ppl let their inbox get overrun, and as I found out, sorting through over 100 old matches can be a pain. "Other" made it easier to sort through the list as quick as possible, bottom line.

Realizing this made it easier to understand the closes I've gotten where 'other' was the reason. It doesn't always have to be personal. Sometimes it might just be a matter of convenience, esp considering that sometimes the matches eH sends me... just don't match! So it must happen to others too.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #356  October 28,2009, 9:15am
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calamitysammyjo wrote :
Well, having let my matches get to a ridiculous number, I finally weeded through and closed the non-matches yesterday. This was after reading several posts that ultimately convinced me that it's better to just close out than leave them cluttering my inbox because I of a fear I would hurt someones feelings by closing them.
For all the guys on EHarmony that wonder why the heck "this girl doesn't just Close me if she isn't interested", I want to give you a big THANK YOU!

Ladies, us guys are big boys. We can handle the Closes.

Will I be disappointed? Sure. But at least I know where I stand.

I will gladly take a "Close - Other", than an unresponsive Match that you never know if she is not interested, not a paying member, maybe on vacation, whatever...
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #357  December 3,2009, 1:41pm
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The only problem with this policy is that it doesn't let you communicate a valid reason which is not one of the default ones- and if you could communicate that, it might help the other person improve. For example, maybe someone has something in her profile which really turns men off- there's no way to let her know about it.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #358  December 3,2009, 1:44pm
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kissed_too_many_frogs wrote :
Caveat: I have only been using eharmony for a few weeks. Honestly, I close matches that I would otherwise consider dating because they haven't contacted me after having been matched for a few days to a week.
I think that's WAY too fast, and you're just needlessly filtering out many guys who may be right for you.

Someone may be sick or traveling or otherwise busy, or not even realize he has a new match, so by closing them after a few days, you're just shooting yourself in the foot. Some people aren't online every day.

I don't see a reason to close matches at all in this situation. It's not like eharmony charges you for how many matches you have open. I think it's just dumb!
 
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Eharmgal is offline Eharmgal Post #359  January 18,2010, 12:21am
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great answer!
 
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passion4longhair is offline passion4longhair Post #360  January 23,2010, 6:25pm
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west1745 hit the nail on the head. I use this routinely when I first get a match but not after communication has been opened. There are some I will leave open to see if they will open communication first and also some I will initiate communication with, depends on the complete profile.
 
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