Closing Your Matches - What Does "Other" Mean?


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Spider is offline Spider Post #11  December 25,2007, 8:52am
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Ideally, if the matching is done as promised, there would be no need for the "our values don't match" reason. I was under the impression that matching values was one of the major selling points for the eHarmony service. I'm also puzzled by the "family backgrounds are too different" - I don't recall being asked about my family background in the questionnaire nor a spot to put that information on the profile. How would we know that information about a match?
 
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travelfiend is offline travelfiend Post #12  December 25,2007, 9:02am
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Candidly, I understand why you would want not want people to write in answers as it would be quite difficult to moderate. That said, I think the other option is a weak way to not let the individual know why you did not choose them. I personally think the list should be broadened to include more reasons and just do away with the other category entirely. For example, if you added a column for misspellings the user could now modify their profile to not continue making the same mistakes. My two cents.
 
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happytobeme is offline happytobeme Post #13  December 25,2007, 9:03am
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"Other" is the kiss of death. At least with some of the more direct reasons you can send a final message that could get you a second chance. Or am I just not getting it? I'm new at this.
 
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Znayesh is offline Znayesh Post #14  December 25,2007, 9:17am
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What's the point in putting a lot of thought into why someone closed a match? There have been matches I thought were good potentials, but then they closed me for one reason or another. I've always said 'ah well' because there must be some reason I'm not aware of and it's good to have reached that conclusion earlier rather than later. The process with eHarmony is an interesting one because there are so many potential matches in a short period of time. The initial 'screening' process can be very subjective - comparison against other matches received that day, the mood of the particular moment, comparison against a bad date who had a similar profile as yours, almost anything. If someone closes me, it may be an opportunity lost, but it's like gambling with winnings and maintaining your initial investment. Retain your value. Someone making a snap judgment should have no impact on your own personal value. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. Enjoy! Have fun.
 
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happytobeme is offline happytobeme Post #15  December 25,2007, 9:32am
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"Other" is the kiss of death. With the more direct options one can at least address the objection as final reply, giving you a second chance to adress someone you realy want to hear from.
I am new at this so am I wrong?
I tried to reply once already on this site but think I somehow was lost. I would like any advice.
 
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sheriff523 is offline sheriff523 Post #16  December 25,2007, 11:57am
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I have been using the "closed" statements from my matches as feedback as to what I may need to change. Yes, the option "other" is a viable option but it is a very vague one. I would like to make sure that is not something simple in my profile or what I write that is not driving some women to place "other" on the closed sheet.
 
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dlzman2 is offline dlzman2 Post #17  December 25,2007, 3:48pm
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Truthfully, I feel it is all PC, and nothing else. When it comes to myself, I learn from everything in my life. I doesn't have to be good, it could be the rudest most daming comment ever, I will learn from it and move on. Sure my feelings get hurt, but that is life. I expect to get hurt. You ask 10 girls out 8 out of 10 will reject you. This is part of life, no one said life was easy. I want people to be as brutally honest with me as possible. I don't like the "white lie" to "protect" the other's feeling. The only way I am going to grow and become a better person is to take the good with the bad and to put it all in to context. I would like to see a fill in the blank, it doesn't have to be long, just a short 1 or 2 line to make me understand. Otherwise, other fits in with the same old line I get many times, I just want to be friends, you are like a brother to me, which is the biggest cop out/ lie I ever heard.
 
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trophycaribou is offline trophycaribou Post #18  December 25,2007, 4:15pm
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Overall, eHarmony has a very good online dating/relationship service, but these pre-manufactured for Closing Your Matches is not one of ther reasons why it is good. The "other" option is very cold and extremely insensitive. Not to mention, it is NOT honest either. Nothing like ending meeting someone with a lie, right??

How ironic is it, when eHarmony stresses being honest, taking the time to learn about each match, and communicate each match then turns right around with ending a relationship by a pre-made list of quick and easy ways to slam the door in someone's face???
There are some of the pre-listed reasons that are true and hold value, but overall they are too politically correct and it makes it too personally convient for people just to "get out of this" quick and/or play games.
I realize there are both pros and cons to having an option where you can type your own reasons to the person you met and why you want to close communication with them. One of the pros would be if a person was saying or doing something that turned a match away from him/her it would be an opportunity for the person closing the relationship to let the other person know what he/she did wrong so they can learn, improve and not do it again.

Overall, I do believe eHarmony can and should do a better job with it's pre-made list of options to close a match and getting rid of the very vague "other" one would be a great place to start.
 
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ls92101 is offline ls92101 Post #19  December 25,2007, 5:14pm
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I like the "Other" option but use it infrequently. The biggest reason to use it is if your not smarter than a 5th grader. I would rather not tell them directly that they cant write because then they will have someone else write it and then who are you really attracted to?

Another reason is pets and kids. Like most people I like both but I am not willing to accept a herd of either. It would seem unnecessary to tell someone this since its just my opinion/preference. I am sure they are not very likely to get rid of either just to make room in thier lives even for a great guy like me.
 
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springflowers is offline springflowers Post #20  December 25,2007, 5:36pm
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You might as well remove the "other" from the choices. The other choices are enough to make the point that the person is no longer interested in you. Most of the time I feel that it all comes down to looking at your photo and deciding that you are not good looking enough for them to want to keep you on their list.
 
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