Closing Your Matches - What Does "Other" Mean?


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Leao is offline Leao Post #101  January 16,2008, 6:03pm
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The 'other' response is a bit humbling as it leads you to think there is something wrong with you. What I would like to ask Billgolf is what is wrong with being a friend across the miles? Too much distance? The computer brings you into each others living room and you can be friends can't you? I have friends across the country, we don't have to be within driving distance to be friendly. One day it might develop into something more, who knows? I don't like the few choices that eh gives us either. Many don't even come close to the reason you want to close a match. I too would like to explain honestly.
 
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magenta is offline magenta Post #102  January 16,2008, 8:26pm
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To spiderman914: I LOVE your sense of humour. I laughed out loud at your comments. You are totally right and that's what makes what you said sooooooo funny. Women of eHarmony, be happy with "other".
 
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artkitten is offline artkitten Post #103  January 17,2008, 3:43pm
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At first I wished there was an option to write your own short response; but knowing how crass & cruel some people can be, I can understand why that's not included. I can blow off such comments now, but it took many years to acquire that strength & self-respect.

I hadn't even considered that anyone would interpret the "chemistry" option as being based only on their perceived attractiveness in a photo. Some may, but I'M not about to make a snap judgment based on an internet photo alone. I used that reason for closing once because it was the most accurate option; but it had nothing at all to do with the match's appearance. When I say "chemistry," I mean how his statements in his profile & communications thus far resonate with who I am & what I'm seeking in a partner.

I'd rather be able to say, "Based on your profile &/or communications thus far, I don't think I'm who you're looking for" instead of "Other." Or even "None of the above quite fits." I just like to be as specific as possible, & appreciate that from others as well.

On a related note, I'd like to see more specificity in both closing messages & responses that deal with the distance issue. If someone tells me "the distance is too great," & I really see potential there, I'd like to be able to include in a response that I'm willing to relocate for the right person. They still may not want to pursue the possible relationship, but at least I'd know that they realize that.
 
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took2lng is offline took2lng Post #104  January 18,2008, 7:44am
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I honestly don't mind the 'other' option. On the other hand, it does leave me wondering why...but as someone stated earlier, it isn't going to break my heart. I have closed by using 'other' but only before communication begins AND because their really is no other fitting option to choose from. It also doesn't bother me too too much if someone closed me out because 'there were no photos posted..blah blah'. I have my picture not posted right off the bat for a good reason, I do not feel that ones 'looks' only should be the make or break decision. I have like others, posted my pic after a request from a match only to be closed shortly afterward. Annoying? Yes, but oh well, that's the way it is and as alot have said, NEXT.
 
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askme is offline askme Post #105  January 25,2008, 8:12am
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cp30,47705 wrote :
The choices for closing are really bad....but here are a few reasons I have for either not responding to guys who ask to communicate, or I close them and choose something that is less hurtful, and sometimes "other" 1. One of his questions asks about my relationship with my family, or how much I excercise, or my financial habits - while these are important things, I find them obtrusive at first, and like I am being judged too soon -- I find the family/relationship with parents thing especially wrong. If a man is going to judge me by my parents I know we have fundamentally different views on life. 2. He has no pictures, or worse -- he has failed to fill out his profile completley, or he has chosen mostly one-word answers -- I need to know a bit more than that off the bat and know that he is really serious and there is something interesting about this person. 3. Obvious misspellings and grammar mistakes (I'm talking big mistakes as I'm pretty lenient here) These are all reasons I would close in the very first stage... I have closed a few times after reading the must haves/can't stands and I get turned off if the guy seems overly focused on organization/personal habits and less on things I consider very important like fidelity, strong character, etc. I also pretty much automatically close people that give their phone or e mail right away, or they want to fast track but have no photo etc. hope this helps! ps. yes if I could fill in the blank on the closing, I probably would!! but I think eharmony may be doing a service to people by not offering that.....we are all strangers and should not be allowed to randomly damage the self-esteem of others because of our personal standards!
I agree regarding closing choices. I think there should be more options. I had just completed the questions part with a match and he closed becuase I did not respond soon enough? I'm new at this, & not sure what the next step is after the initial questions.....I have had a few matches who gave me their email and wanted to communicate that way. The advise from eHarm warns about this....To the one I mentioned first, I would like to have asked "so what happens next?" Because of the closed (too soon) I never got the chance.With thechoices for responding, I could nottell or ask anything.
 
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NoBoomer9 is offline NoBoomer9 Post #106  January 25,2008, 11:13am
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What we really want to say is...

"Other" -- It is a good thing there is no write in here, I would likely overstate my case and be unduly hurtful.

"Physical distance is too great" -- You do nor appear to be worth the trip.

"Based on statements in profile" -- You have failed to fill out more than half of your profile (and likely do not have a picture posted).

"This match never responded to my request to communicate" -- How can this happen? What went wrong with the 327 point preselection?

"I think the difference in our values is too great" -- I think Your grammar and spell checker are broken.

"I would rather not say" -- We so need a write in reply here!
 
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Roughtygirl is offline Roughtygirl Post #107  January 25,2008, 1:05pm
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STEVE211...HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THAT BIG GIRL IS THE ONE FOR YOU? I HAVE DATING IN MY LIFE SOME REALLY GOOD LOOKING GUYS BUT HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE CRAP.....BUT WHEN I GO FOR THOSE GUYS THAT ARE AVERAGE LOOKING BUT GREAT ON THE INSIDE, THINGS GO WELL. SO NOW I AM SURE YOU ARE WONDERING MY I AM SINGLE. I AM SINGLE BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY INTIMIDATING JOB THAT SOME GUYS JUST CANT HANDLE. SO I HAVE EXCETPTED THAT AND KNOW THAT I WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO FINDS WHAT I DO EXCITING AND LOOKS FORWARD TO HEARING ABOUT MY DAY WHEN I COME HOME. BUT GETTING BACK TO THE POINT. THAT BIG GIRL COULD JUST BE THE GIRL YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. LOOK WHATS ON THE OUTSIDE CHANGES OVER TIME. I AM SURE YOU WANT STAY LOOKING LIKE YOU DO AT 70 YEARS OLD! BUT WHAT YOU HAVE THE INSIDE IS REALLY HARD TO CHANGE INLESS YOU MAKE THE CHANGES YOURSELF. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
 
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Roughtygirl is offline Roughtygirl Post #108  January 25,2008, 9:13pm
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Steve211,48160 wrote :
We wouldn't have to close out so many matches if eHarmony would use some common sense! They know from my "must haves/can't stands" that I don't like overweight women, yet they consistently send me matches for women that are clearly "big". Somewhere in joining they asked my political ideology which is very conservative, yet I get matches that are left-wing loons. They need to tweak the program a little.
STEVE211...HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE THAT BIG GIRL IS THE ONE FOR YOU? I HAVE DATING IN MY LIFE SOME REALLY GOOD LOOKING GUYS BUT HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE CRAP.....BUT WHEN I GO FOR THOSE GUYS THAT ARE AVERAGE LOOKING BUT GREAT ON THE INSIDE, THINGS GO WELL. SO NOW I AM SURE YOU ARE WONDERING MY I AM SINGLE. I AM SINGLE BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY INTIMIDATING JOB THAT SOME GUYS JUST CANT HANDLE. SO I HAVE EXCETPTED THAT AND KNOW THAT I WILL MEET SOMEONE WHO FINDS WHAT I DO EXCITING AND LOOKS FORWARD TO HEARING ABOUT MY DAY WHEN I COME HOME. BUT GETTING BACK TO THE POINT. THAT BIG GIRL COULD JUST BE THE GIRL YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. LOOK WHATS ON THE OUTSIDE CHANGES OVER TIME. I AM SURE YOU WANT STAY LOOKING LIKE YOU DO AT 70 YEARS OLD! BUT WHAT YOU HAVE THE INSIDE IS REALLY HARD TO CHANGE INLESS YOU MAKE THE CHANGES YOURSELF. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
 
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Alyrica is offline Alyrica Post #109  January 26,2008, 12:02pm
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I want there to be an option that says..."I don't want kids"
 
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quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #110  January 26,2008, 12:32pm
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Actually the "rather not say choice" is the bad one. What does that mean. It sounds so odious. Is there something in the profile that is so bad that you rather not say? Wouldn't the "values" choice
fit better. Even "other" would be better then "Duh" rather not say. Come to think of it "rather not say" is kinda mean don't you think?
 
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