JDavid is offline JDavid Post #1  November 18,2009, 10:47pm
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Is it acceptable, in your opinion, to:

1. Claim interests that are more imagination or intention than reality?

2. Say things intended to hit "hot buttons" for potential dates or matches?

3. Emphasize activities or interests that are actually a minor factor in real life?

For instance, if one of the foremost interests I mention is canoeing – and I haven't been in a canoe for ten years, am I presenting myself honestly to readers?

If a woman claims great interest in spectator sports or playing pool or hunting or NASCAR races because she knows "that's where the boys are" but has no abiding personal interest in such things, is she being forthright?

If someone says that they enjoy hiking but their walking consists of "house to car to store to job to house" except for a once-a-year outing for a couple miles, are they being honest?

Is it ever valid to over-emphasize interests or activities that "sound good"?
 
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gonefishing68 is offline gonefishing68 Post #2  November 19,2009, 2:40am
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It comes down to a question of honesty doesnt it? In my view I think its dishonest to mention interests or statements about oneself that aren't true.

Using your canoeing example, I would say that I have a great interest in canoeing but have not been able to pursue it as I would have liked. I think that's being honest.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  November 19,2009, 3:04am
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I think people differentiate between a casual interest and a passion. You can have a whole lot of random passing interests that maybe you do once in awhile as opportunity comes up or time allows, but it's not something that you get involved in depth in. So they feel it's fair to list casual interests and it's not a lie if they would happily join their partner doing whatever activitty.

However I do feel your frustration with that kind of padding. My personal pet peeve is men who claim that they love to travel and love outdoors when they've never even left the state and their indoor palor would make a vampire proud. Bleah..... When confronted, they always say the same thing too, "well.......someday, when I meet someone, if she wants to....I'll go along." That's not love, that does not even qualify as a casual interest. Ugh.....
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #4  November 19,2009, 4:21am
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I think there are a lot of people that write profiles of the person they want to be, not the person they really are. They pad their profiles to make them sound more interesting than they really are and that's not a good thing.

In your case, I would say that listing canoeing on your profile is maybe a little disingenuous if you haven't done that in ten years. Sure, you're interested in that and you enjoy it, but you aren't actively participating in it now. I could say the same thing about tennis for me. I enjoyed it when I played, but I haven't played in a decade. I'd love to start playing again, but I just haven't found anyone at my now far lowered ability level that plays.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #5  November 19,2009, 8:53am
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I have found that one can not really take anything written in any profile too seriously. Same applies when you meet a person and then see how they are in person.

Being honest about your self seems to be harder when you can hide behind a monitor and really fool your self into thinking you can just have that perfect match appear because you have all those things that you just have to have.

People today are so caught up with instant gratification, getting what they want now, and not having to put in any effort. That does not work in this venue in my opinion.
 
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thefastcat is offline thefastcat Post #6  November 19,2009, 9:33am
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I think misrepresentation is never a good or acceptable thing. I go out of my way to be genuine and re-think messages to my matches in order to reflect myself as honestly as possible. I think this directly conflicts with some peoples intent to paint themselves in the most appealing light as possible. I think it is often obvious what a person wants to hear or be told in order to initiated further contact or keep them interested. I have never had a desire to do that if what they want to hear is different than what I want to say. Two different strategies I suppose

For what it's worth it feels really good to just be myself and not have to worry about presenting myself differently.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #7  November 19,2009, 9:54am
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Your questions are more than a bit leading, no? It's hard to imagine that anyone would respond by saying that "Yes; it's absolutely fine to mislead, lie, and deliberately irritate potential matches in your profile"...lol.

Just assume that people are making an effort to present their best sides in their profile. Doing that doesn't make them dishonest. Nor does it mean that they are deluding themselves (some are, perhaps, but I certainly wouldn't assume that of everyone). If there are characteristics that you demand in a potential partner (and you've made it clear numerous times on these boards that this is the case), then just make that very apparent in your profile so matches will know that it would be better that they avoid you if they don't measure up...
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #8  November 21,2009, 5:05pm
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neardc wrote :
Your questions are more than a bit leading, no? It's hard to imagine that anyone would respond by saying that "Yes; it's absolutely fine to mislead, lie, and deliberately irritate potential matches in your profile"...lol.
Of course the OP questions were "leading" because the intent of this thread is to discourage padding of profiles. Does that seem like a reasonable objective?

neardc wrote :
Just assume that people are making an effort to present their best sides in their profile. Doing that doesn't make them dishonest.
"Presenting their best sides" can be honest – or dishonest. Padding is, in my opinion, deliberate misrepresentation. As someone pointed out above, it is possible to indicate intent to pursue an activity without claiming involvement (as in, "I intend to learn rock climbing and parachute jumping at the first opportunity" – rather than implying that either is an ongoing and abiding interest).

neardc wrote :
Nor does it mean that they are deluding themselves (some are, perhaps, but I certainly wouldn't assume that of everyone).
Whether or not a person padding their profile is "deluding themselves" is beside the point. It makes no difference (to me anyway) why people might misrepresent themselves. If a person lies to me (deliberately distorts truth and reality) or is delusional, I am not interested in pursuing communication.

neardc wrote :
If there are characteristics that you demand in a potential partner (and you've made it clear numerous times on these boards that this is the case), then just make that very apparent in your profile so matches will know that it would be better that they avoid you if they don't measure up.
Yes, I make clear what I expect in a partner. However, I have no "matches" because I do not utilize the EH matching service – thus, the only applicable profile is the one in these "advice" forums. Curious or interested people can peruse that profile for some indication of my ideas and attitudes.

However, suggesting being specific about expectations has nothing to do with the OP subject, padding a profile.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  November 21,2009, 5:46pm
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Well, my response to that would be to say that I would never have the same expectations or demands for profiles here on eHA as I would for those on eH. This is not a matching or dating site and is not intended to be. Although a few people have indeed gotten together, that's incidental to the purpose of the site and has come about after extended interaction, irrespective of what one or the other in the couple posted in their profile here.

That being said, you are not going to get around the fact that online dating profiles are intended to have people present their best sides. Clearly, people should not lie in their profiles. However, you (i.e., if you were actually to use a dating service) have to accept that people have different ideas about where the line is drawn between lie and truth, and that some people push the line further than others -- even within a range that most people would agree is "fine." If someone looks interesting, then find out more about them. If not, or if they seem untruthful or don't meet your personal standards of veracity, then don't.

Although not relevant to you because you don't use the dating service, being specific in your profile is relevant to the padding issue because it allows matches to determine whether any possible disconnect between what they stated in their profile and their current behavior means that they are not a match for you.
 
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Kinjia is offline Kinjia Post #10  November 21,2009, 6:31pm
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Oooh, profiles that actually say something and mean something?

I've been guilty of padding my profile in the past because when I try to look at myself objectively I start looking quite dull. And what a good case-in-point we have here - I'm not a brain researcher, but I love the whole realm of exploring the brain and all of the far-reaching implications it has for us in the human experience. I read articles when they come my way, and I'm constantly curious and ponderous about that very topic... Do I have to be in the field of brain research to be interested in it?

But yeah, where my profile is concerned, I'm just another boring old what-you-see-is-what-you-get out there hoping that someone in the right place and the right time will come and want to make magic one day...

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