He wants to talk on the phone asap


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nurse911 is offline nurse911 Post #1  November 16,2009, 5:50pm
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My match wants to skip e-mails in open communication and go right to talking on the phone.

Isn't this too soon? It's kind of freaking me out.

What do you think?
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  November 17,2009, 6:49am
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Some people like phone calls better than email. Some people want to take it a little slow.

You go at the pace you want to go. If you feel its too fast, let him know. If he respects that, good. If not, do you really want to date him?
 
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Gtaylor72 is offline Gtaylor72 Post #3  November 17,2009, 10:09am
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It's been my experience it is better to wait before calling on the phone. I had one a long time ago, about 4 years ago, on another site. She wanted to exchange #'s and I was like ok. It ended badly with her saying she had met someone closer to her then I was and could be just be friends.

Nowadays I don't ask for a # till were ready to go on the first date. It takes off the pressure that way.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #4  November 17,2009, 10:31am
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Personally, I don't care to dilly-dally in pen pal land for longer than I have to. For me, that means that my natural pace is to offer a phone call within 2-3 emails, and arrange to meet in person within the first couple of phone calls.

If you're not comfortable with the pace he's setting though, just let him know. While my preferred pace is to get to meeting sooner rather than later, I don't have any problem slowing things down a little if the woman I'm talking to is feeling a bit rushed.

So in short: go at a pace you feel comfortable with and communicate your comfort level, but also know that it's not an inherent warning sign if a guy wants to meet sooner rather than later.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  November 17,2009, 11:08am

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nurse911 wrote :
My match wants to skip e-mails in open communication and go right to talking on the phone.

Isn't this too soon? It's kind of freaking me out.

What do you think?
I personally don't like talking on the phone right away....at the very least I want 3-4 days of emails first just to establish some grounds and build up from there.
 
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nurse911 is offline nurse911 Post #6  November 18,2009, 5:21pm
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Thanks everyone for your advice. I too feel that some communication back and forth via e-mail is appropriate before advancing to phone calls. I did e-mail him and expressed my wishes, but he responded that he would rather speak with me on the phone.
So to make a long story short, I closed the match, but I did send him a kind e-mail explaining my reasons.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  November 18,2009, 5:29pm
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cardguy wrote :
Personally, I don't care to dilly-dally in pen pal land for longer than I have to. For me, that means that my natural pace is to offer a phone call within 2-3 emails, and arrange to meet in person within the first couple of phone calls.

If you're not comfortable with the pace he's setting though, just let him know. While my preferred pace is to get to meeting sooner rather than later, I don't have any problem slowing things down a little if the woman I'm talking to is feeling a bit rushed.
By the second OC message, I always ask to meet. Sometimes this results in another message or two in OC, but I have never had anyone demand to go to the phone instead.

It's not about rushing anything, it's that I refuse to waste time in pen-pal and phone-buddy land.

To the OP - I asssume you are new to eH. When you've done the pen-pal thing with a match for weeks and build up a grand fantasy image in your mind, only to see it go up in smoke within 5 minutes of finally meeting him? Then you'll understand why it's just as well to meet in person and get on with things. Don't compromise any personal information, and meet in a public place, etc. But do get out there and meet your matches!
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #8  November 18,2009, 5:54pm
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I really do not see what the problem is with talking on the phone. You can get his number, block yours and you are totally anonymous, and secure. It's just a phone call!

I also believe in meeting as quickly as possible, have pen pals and phone buddies all over the world that I have met and spent major time with IRL, those are real relationships, as we know each other. Relationships solely on the net, well they are not real until you meet. So, be safe, but meet up as quickly as you can. Saves a lot of trouble later on at times........ a lot!

Lilycat
 
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nurse911 is offline nurse911 Post #9  November 18,2009, 6:06pm
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Thanks melman for your advice. And you're right, I am pretty new at this. I just feel that I shouldn't be rushed into anything, especially when it comes to relationships.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  November 18,2009, 6:14pm

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I'm with melman and others on this.....I had a month of phone calls and emails with a nice guy who I got all hopeful about to find out he was not capable of communicating face to face.

When I was on eH I opted for OC ASAP and then to phone calls. It's a personal comfort level of course but if you're afraid of con artists or some such, remember they can con easily on the phone and in emails if their motives are such.

I go for first meets in coffee shops, Starbucks is almost always a safe place IMO, for an initial meet and you can sit for as long as comfortable with no hassles. I try to get there early get me coffee and be settled down before the appointed time..gives me a sense of 'ownership' or control of the situation.
 
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