ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #1  November 15,2009, 2:27pm
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Just from reading posts I just wanted to add my 2 cents on this and my approach.

With EH I dont judge a match until you get to the questions and open communications. Their responses say a lot with my interst.

What I look for in open communication either through EH or if we exchange emails ad email back and forth.....is a back and forth with the conversation. If she asks me a some questions and I answer her questions then I ask her some questions and I get a small respons back turns me off. same is true if I ask her some questions and she just answers the questions but does not follow up with having a conversation.

If people are relativly local to me (with a 2 hr drive or closer). I will want to meet them within a few weeks of getting to open communication if the emails and talking are ongoing. If we started open communication over the weekend and were talking or emailing daily then I would ask if she wanted to get together that weekend.

When I ask her I dont declare the place and time. I ask her because I would prefer her pick a place where she is most comfortable.

I have had a couple people who were really afraid of meeting me in person. When I meet or a first date I will be rather simple like meeting for coffee or meeting for lunch or dinner. another option is meeting at a museum or at some outdoor eent that weeknd like a fair.

I had one match from EH that we clicked everywhere but for some reason she didnt want to meet in person and we only lived 15 minutes apart. I understand having reservation if it was a much longer distance where air travel was involved. But not wanting to meet for coffee. I gave up on her because was a 22. She felt she wasnt ready to meet while I wanted to met to establish the relationship on real terms.

From my experience people on different than how they are on the phone or in email. I know I am not the seciest guy on earth so I have had my share of some women being turned off by my looks.

The other thing I see....and this is especially true with the free weekends.....I will get to open communication with a few and we exchange email addresses and maybe send a couple emails back and forth...but then they dont reply to the email. Its not something I said. They could have found someone else or they werent serious about it.

Games are the things I dont do. In open communication I dont play this game of not being fully honest....or avoid revealing deep dark secrets. If a face to face meeting is planned I true to restrict talking so that we save something to talk about on the date.

Would I meet first or call first...it doesnt really matter to me. Just depends on each situation.
 
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Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #2  November 15,2009, 3:00pm
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Recently I've been getting to the Open Communication stage with a couple of guys and then they disappear! One guy in particular....we communicated practically daily for a week or so and then nothing... I figure if we get to this stage, there must be some interest and would really prefer if they close out the match if they have met someone else because otherwise you are left hanging.

Do I send him a nudge? Or, just leave the ball in his court?
 
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trancendentalee is offline trancendentalee Post #3  November 15,2009, 3:13pm
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I've experienced this a couple weeks back with two different guys. One guy, we actually met and made plans to go see a movie, never heard from him again and I closed communication. The second guy, back and forth with the questions, after two weeks I didn't receive a response, I said either he's really busy or just not interested and I closed communication. This past week, I got a message from him, asking to re-open the communication, turns out he's got alot on his plate right now so he was just really really busy. Long story short, send him a nudge!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  November 15,2009, 4:45pm

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Hi Chirpy,

I agree with Trancentalee – wait a week and maybe send a little message that you are still interested, and if you don’t hear from them in a week or so, you’ll just go ahead and close the match. Letting your match know that you plan to move on if you don’t hear from them may even help them determine their level of interest. And, as Trancentalee said, once you close the match, if they are truly interested, they will take the trouble to send a final message so you can re-open.

Ami1uwant, thanks for sharing your approach; I think it can be very helpful to others here on the boards to compare notes and give ideas.

~Kate
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melman is offline melman Post #5  November 15,2009, 4:46pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
If people are relativly local to me (with a 2 hr drive or closer). I will want to meet them within a few weeks of getting to open communication if the emails and talking are ongoing.
A few weeks? By saying "will want", I assume that you haven't actually done this yet. This approach is almost always doomed to fail. Two things usually happen: fantasy expectations are built up which can't possibly be met, and/or over-thinking causes one side or the other to come up with a reason to close the match. Your job is to get to a meeting before either of these things happen.

I have yet to hear that anyone who got sucked into "pen pal zone" (i.e. more than a very few emails) and still ended up with a successful first meeting.

wrote :
When I ask her I dont declare the place and time. I ask her because I would prefer her pick a place where she is most comfortable.
You're worrying too much. Define what you want. If she wants to propose a different date/place/time, she will.

wrote :
From my experience people on different than how they are on the phone or in email.
OK, I don't know what you intended to say here. If you meant "are different", then yes, that's exactly why you need to get out of OC/email/phone ASAP and meet in person.
 
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Gtaylor72 is offline Gtaylor72 Post #6  November 16,2009, 4:11am
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Chirpy wrote :
Recently I've been getting to the Open Communication stage with a couple of guys and then they disappear! One guy in particular....we communicated practically daily for a week or so and then nothing... I figure if we get to this stage, there must be some interest and would really prefer if they close out the match if they have met someone else because otherwise you are left hanging.

Do I send him a nudge? Or, just leave the ball in his court?
I was communicating off Eh with a person who up and disappeared after a week. I gave her a week thinking she could be just busy. It's been over two weeks now with no communication. I figure she has my email if she was busy she would write eventually. Pretty much I just move on when this happens.
 
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mysteryspirit542 is offline mysteryspirit542 Post #7  January 3,2010, 10:34am
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trancendentalee wrote :
I've experienced this a couple weeks back with two different guys. One guy, we actually met and made plans to go see a movie, never heard from him again and I closed communication. The second guy, back and forth with the questions, after two weeks I didn't receive a response, I said either he's really busy or just not interested and I closed communication. This past week, I got a message from him, asking to re-open the communication, turns out he's got alot on his plate right now so he was just really really busy. Long story short, send him a nudge!
Thanks so much for this advice. I had a guy start GC and we communicated each week, until, we got to OC and he was to initiate it. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and a week ago I sent him a reminder. Nothing
So, I may wait another week since it was during the holidays and then I am going to close him out. It is so frustrating when they do not communicat anything. I would rather they be honest if they do not want to continue.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  January 3,2010, 11:16am
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mysteryspirit542 wrote :
Thanks so much for this advice. I had a guy start GC and we communicated each week, until, we got to OC and he was to initiate it. I haven't heard from him in two weeks and a week ago I sent him a reminder. Nothing
What do you mean by "he was to initiate it"? According to whom? Why couldn't you have done that?

2 reasons why things break down at the OC stage- some people don't have any idea what to say, and some don't really want to meet in the real world, so they just disappear.
 
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andrew127 is offline andrew127 Post #9  January 3,2010, 11:26am
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Sometimes things in the OC stage break down because one person is near the end of their subscription and they let it expire. I can't be certain of that but that's a possibility.
 
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