First Questions / "Nervous" question / No pictures


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melman is offline melman Post #1  November 6,2009, 6:37pm
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A match just sent First Questions. There is nothing in her profile that interests me. "I am passionate about living life", no mention of hobbies or real interests. There's no picture, just "Request my photo" which I believe means she's intentionally hiding them (and as I have written over and over, "nothing good can come from that".)

Among the questions is:

Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
A: making a presentation to 500 people
B: a long car ride with a person you just met
C: talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D: meeting with the president of the company you work for

I'd like to know your thoughts about the "E" answer of "Getting questions from a match who hasn't shared a picture." As compared to sending a Photo Nudge before answering at all.

Maybe I'll wait a couple of days to make sure that she isn't in the process of uploading a picture.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  November 7,2009, 7:30am
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Since you seem to indicate you are not interested in her I don't see anything wrong with your "E" answer.

If you put a :-) smiley or a LOL at the end of this answer it would even be appropriate if you were interested.

Now I feel compelled to say a few words about Photo Nudge. As with everyone else I get plenty of matches with no photo. I send a Photo Nudge to every one as soon as I get the match. most never respond. Of the ones that do respond and post a photo the number that are quite attractive is a lot higher than the ones that are just However, there is a high percentage of the ones that do post a photo will close me just as soon as I send First Questions. Kind of like they are trying to send a message "so now that you see I am good looking you are interested but you are just a shallow jerk". I also cannot recall that of any matches that did post a photo to a Photo Nudge that may have gone on to communicate that it ever made it to a meeting with the exception of a couple that were FCWers.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  November 7,2009, 9:53am
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I thought "Request my photo" is just something the eH software puts there when the person hasn't posted any photos. eH wants you to send them a nudge. Are you saying the person has photo's but is hiding them? On "Sharing Settings" all I see is you can choose whether or not to receive photo nudges. I don't see a way to hide photos.

I don't do photo nudges. I figure it's up to them whether they they want to post photos or not. And I assume most no-photo profiles are non-paying anyway. I have initiated with men who had no photo but never gotten responses from them.

I have received 1 photo nudge. (I do have 1 photo posted.) I was not interested in this match and did not respond. If I had been interested, I would have initiated GC, rather than doing anything with my photos.

I have reasons why I posted just one photo. It's my choice! Nudge me or not. I am willing to accept that some men will close me out for this.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  November 7,2009, 11:09am
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Sassafras, photo sharing is controlled in your My Settings - Sharing Settings.

I'm going from memory here, but during my previous membership in 2007, I had several active matches who were hiding their pictures, and this was clearly stated somehow - matches with no pictures at all looked different. After my membership ran out, I learned of a hole in eH's system (which is now closed) where you could view anyone's pictures, even if your subscription was inactive and even if the match was hiding them. Without exception, the hidden pictures were all quite scary. And there was no polite way to say otherwise. Believe me, you'd agree..

Photo Nudges that I've sent have resulted either in nothing, or an insta-close. Thus, the idea to answer the questions but include my own nudge.

All the open matches I have right now have pictures, except for the one who sent me questions. So I'm not 100% sure if she's hiding them or if she doesn't have any. But it would be unusual for a paying customer not to have any picture at all. That's why I'll wait a short time.

A bland profile and a nice picture can generate at least a little interest. But a bland profile and hidden pics (if that's what she did)? Umm... sorry, no.
Last edited by melman; November 7,2009 at 11:16am.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  November 7,2009, 11:54am
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Nope, my My Settings - Sharing Settings - Photo Sharing only offers 1 thing: turn on/off whether I will receive Photo Nudges. There are no other options.

I use Safari on a Mac and I think its interface might be different from PCs.
 
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dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #6  November 7,2009, 12:14pm
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melman wrote :
A match just sent First Questions. There is nothing in her profile that interests me. "I am passionate about living life", no mention of hobbies or real interests. There's no picture, just "Request my photo" which I believe means she's intentionally hiding them (and as I have written over and over, "nothing good can come from that".)

Among the questions is:

Which of the following scenarios would make you more nervous?
A: making a presentation to 500 people
B: a long car ride with a person you just met
C: talking about your deepest fears with your lover
D: meeting with the president of the company you work for

I'd like to know your thoughts about the "E" answer of "Getting questions from a match who hasn't shared a picture." As compared to sending a Photo Nudge before answering at all.

Maybe I'll wait a couple of days to make sure that she isn't in the process of uploading a picture.
(Tone = honest)

I have not posted any photographs and I am not ugly, according to any feedback I have ever "gotten" from "anyone" at "anytime". Women, in particuliar, are somewhat "hesitant" in posting photographs because they are not "comfortable" doing so at that moment.....and if you try to "push-the-envelop" on this, without first having her "trust", then you may never know what she looks like.....just saying.

I wish you well.
 
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CA_Gal_2009 is offline CA_Gal_2009 Post #7  November 7,2009, 12:18pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Nope, my My Settings - Sharing Settings - Photo Sharing only offers 1 thing: turn on/off whether I will receive Photo Nudges. There are no other options.

I use Safari on a Mac and I think its interface might be different from PCs.
That's what I see too. My understanding is that the option to hide your photo until a certain point in communication or until you okay the match was an option that was removed at some point. Those of us who joined eH after the change do not have the option to hide our photos, but those that were already members do. Basically, the developers didn't take the time to change the user interface for all users, just for new ones.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  November 7,2009, 2:05pm
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That is good to know.

My account was set up in March 2007, and I also have options for
1. Make my photos available to my matches: 2. If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to:
  • share my photos only with users who have a photo posted
  • share my photos with all my matches
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  November 7,2009, 2:11pm
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dnnmllr wrote :
(Tone = honest)

I have not posted any photographs and I am not ugly, according to any feedback I have ever "gotten" from "anyone" at "anytime". Women, in particuliar, are somewhat "hesitant" in posting photographs because they are not "comfortable" doing so at that moment.....and if you try to "push-the-envelop" on this, without first having her "trust", then you may never know what she looks like.....just saying.
I appreciate the concern, but the way I look at this is that anyone on eH needs to be fully using the site. The facts (age, etc.) in their profile need to be accurate, and they need to be sharing a picture. Any important facts (previous marriage and kids) need to be stated up front. I'm not going to play a "discovery" game, especially if the written statements in the profile don't give me any openings toward wanting to know more.

Now that I know that new user's can't hide pictures, I think I will close this match for the reason of not having a picture. If she posts one, she can ask to be reopened. Thanks to all.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #10  November 7,2009, 9:27pm
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melman wrote :
That is good to know.

My account was set up in March 2007, and I also have options for
1. Make my photos available to my matches: 2. If my match does not have a photo on file with eHarmony, I would like to:
  • share my photos only with users who have a photo posted
  • share my photos with all my matches

Yup, you were grandfathered in.
All newer members, (from like Jan 2009 or so), do NOT have this option.

I, for one, am glad they removed that option.
If I ever came across someone with that Hiding setting on, that was an Insta-Close for me.
That option was a game, and I am not on EH for games.
 
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