First Questions / "Nervous" question / No pictures


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NYCguy is offline NYCguy Post #11  November 8,2009, 1:52pm
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melman wrote :
A match just sent First Questions. There is nothing in her profile that interests me. There's no picture. I'd like to know your thoughts about the "E" answer of "Getting questions from a match who hasn't shared a picture." As compared to sending a Photo Nudge before answering at all. Maybe I'll wait a couple of days to make sure that she isn't in the process of uploading a picture.
I always close communication with people who have no pics AND have nothing in the profile that interests me. Makes no sense waiting for a pic. if there is no interest based on the verbiage, and visa versa. Besides, the other party can always post a pic., and reply to your closed notification that a pic has been posted. You can then choose to re-open communication.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #12  November 8,2009, 7:00pm

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Just a few thoughts here –

Melman – well, I can’t argue with your own opinion based on experience. But I do know many people who discovered that a match who originally didn’t have a photo posted were (very) pleasantly surprised. I like Gr8guyn2008’s idea of softening your “E” response with something that denotes some humor, but still gives your match the idea.

Another way that I have seen be effective to “educate” matches on the helpfulness of posting photos is to say something empathetic in your About Me page indicating that you would prefer to see a photo sooner rather than meet in person only to discover that you’re not attracted and would end up cutting off communication. In other words, somehow let your matches know you are looking out for them as well as you. This may actually encourage some matches you would find interesting to post photos.

You may even want to give your photoless matches a little bit of time (a week or two) after sending them a Photo Nudge before closing. We often hear from members who are frantically trying to get their photos posted.

I wanted to confirm that there are members who still have the option to hide their photos from members who don’t have a photo posted, and who are able to select which matches they show their photos too. This is being phased out. If you had an account from the time that this was still an option, you will have these options unless you retake the Relationship Questionnaire. And, as some of you may be aware, if your Personality Profile results are old enough, when you close your account and re-open it, you will actually automatically receive a new Questionnaire and have to take it over again.

All the best,

~Kate
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melman is offline melman Post #13  November 8,2009, 8:16pm
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Thanks Kate,

I used to have "educating" comments in my profile regarding picture sharing and communication response time. But there was no good way to do these things without sounding bossy or appearing to talk down to the reader. I decided it simply wasn't up to me to tell my matches how to use the system.

I closed the communicating match with the "no pictures" reason. If she posts one, she can let me know and I'll reopen.

And for your info, my account was recently reactivated, as you probably know. I had to retake the questionnaire, but my picture sharing options are still there. I think this contradicts what you wrote.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #14  November 8,2009, 8:25pm
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I am betting some people use the no photo option to weed out the supposedly "shallow" ones, but I tend to view it as them being manipulative and not very open. It's an automatic close for me, too, Melman.
 
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