Falter at Must Haves Can't Stands


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theblondeegirl is offline theblondeegirl Post #1  November 5,2009, 1:17pm
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Hi All,

I've been using Eharmony now for about 2 months...I have one month left and am debating if I should renew or not. I seem to have alot of interest in my profile, some of which I am not interested in, but a few I have been. There seems to be a problem however, I get past the first guided questions but once I send the must have's can't stands, the communication stops. These guys don't seem to be closing the match so I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what in my choices is "turning them off". It seems that if I get a question answered the way in which may make me go "hmmmm, not sure about this" I look past it and remind myself that maybe the person will be different in a face to face interaction where they can talk about themselves and explain themselves better. I also wonder if some men on the site have too high expectations and question their intentions, I mean if I am answering with a "hmmm" response, wouldn't it be worth the guys time to say "heh, maybe its nothing, or maybe theres more to this". I like Eharmony but find it limiting in some ways...this the example. Any ideas, thoughts....

Joey
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #2  November 5,2009, 1:24pm
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Hm, it's relatively uncommon for me to experience a communication cut-off at the MH/CS step, if anything shows warning flags there it usually at least leads to some sort of follow up discussion before closure.

Perhaps if you posted your MH/CS list and said a couple sentences about the kind of matches you're looking for we could help you, but I don't have any general advice for your situation.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  November 5,2009, 1:44pm
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Its a possibility that one or more of you Must Haves and Can't stand maybe giving people second thoughts. Are any of them not your "run of the mill" must haves/can't stands?
 
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theblondeegirl is offline theblondeegirl Post #4  November 5,2009, 2:05pm
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LOL...no they are pretty standard in my opinion, nothing too out of the ordinary...maybe I should review them and see...I mean how out of the ordinary are any of the choices...
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  November 5,2009, 2:58pm
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Two possible ideas.

As you go through the different rounds of Guided Communication, "whose turn it is" switches back and forth from one party to the other. I forget exactly how, but I do recall that it is somewhat common not to realize that it is your turn to go. This is the a situation where a Nudge can get things moving again.

It may also be possible that the matches may be simply losing interest. Although as cardguy said, this is not usually the place where that would happen.

How many matches have done this? One or two is just a coincidence. Ten is probably a real problem.
 
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kneo24 is offline kneo24 Post #6  November 5,2009, 3:04pm
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Individually, the MHCS's are certainly nothing out of the ordinary, but when you start picking similar ones, people can see a pattern.

There was this one girl I was matched with. She wasn't bad looking, but she wasn't drop dead gorgeous either. However the majority of her choices were based around appearance. My suspicions about her were spot on when we got to stage three and her questions were centered around appearance some more.

Clearly a shallow girl. I think being physically attracted to your partner is very important, but if you emphasize nothing but that, I couldn't stand to be around you. Needless to say, after I saw her questions, I closed her.

If you did post your MHCS's, a good discussion about them could help us help you.
 
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frankenberry is offline frankenberry Post #7  November 5,2009, 3:49pm
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I left eHarmony 3 years ago after meeting my wife there, but I recall there were some that would make me close at MH/CS. Just remember thinking, all those horrible choices, and you picked that?

Then again, any chance your photo comes up at the MH/CS phase? I originally had my photo appear later in the process, but after realizing that was exactly when the match got closed, I put it up front so I could get rid of those women immediately.
 
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theblondeegirl is offline theblondeegirl Post #8  November 5,2009, 4:57pm
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Two matches but both this W/E, I mean maybe I'm just being antsy but its been about 4 to 5 days and nothing....
 
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theblondeegirl is offline theblondeegirl Post #9  November 5,2009, 4:58pm
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melman wrote :
Two possible ideas.

As you go through the different rounds of Guided Communication, "whose turn it is" switches back and forth from one party to the other. I forget exactly how, but I do recall that it is somewhat common not to realize that it is your turn to go. This is the a situation where a Nudge can get things moving again.

It may also be possible that the matches may be simply losing interest. Although as cardguy said, this is not usually the place where that would happen.

How many matches have done this? One or two is just a coincidence. Ten is probably a real problem.

Two matches, both this WE...I'll try a Nudge, but I always worry this comes across as pushy...
 
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theblondeegirl is offline theblondeegirl Post #10  November 5,2009, 5:03pm
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kneo24 wrote :
Individually, the MHCS's are certainly nothing out of the ordinary, but when you start picking similar ones, people can see a pattern.

There was this one girl I was matched with. She wasn't bad looking, but she wasn't drop dead gorgeous either. However the majority of her choices were based around appearance. My suspicions about her were spot on when we got to stage three and her questions were centered around appearance some more.

Clearly a shallow girl. I think being physically attracted to your partner is very important, but if you emphasize nothing but that, I couldn't stand to be around you. Needless to say, after I saw her questions, I closed her.

If you did post your MHCS's, a good discussion about them could help us help you.
Well, I did choose being attracted as one of the must have, but it was the only choice in my must haves along with has to be clean... I put alot of emphasis on being kind, open communicator, no drug or alcohol use, not judgemental, open minded, etc., Looks isn't the big thing for me, if I solely wanted someone based on looks I'd go to another personals site...Some of the guys are about 14 years older than me (so in their 50's) with kids, I have no kids, maybe this has something to do with it...I am far from shallow, so I don't think that's it...I'll look and see what my MHCS are and post them...
 
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