Help! I don't know what to make of this..


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bella8bella is offline bella8bella Post #11  November 5,2009, 5:42pm
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Thank you for the advice! When I was looking for information about scams on eharmony I didn't come across any that had the tour guide approach. Maybe it is a new one. Or maybe he is a normal guy and I am over thinking. Any other tips on how to spot the scammers? I know the one about if they immediately tell a sad story, or are recently widowed. But this guy never told a sad story. His profile mentioned no sad story. And his grammer was perfect. Could it be possible that he is telling the truth? I wish I had specific things to look for.


I hope this is ok for me to do... here is what he wrote:

"Message: Hi bella8bella, Finally we got through the questions. Thanks for sticking it out. I was saying that I joined to eHarmaony to meet somebody to chat about your city and maybe show me the sights. Also, I'd like the company. I am from South Africa visting the US to see where I might want to relocate. Got a Green Card and currently in Jacksonville, FL - not much happening here. Doing tourist activities and walking around in a new city can give you a sense, but doesn't really tell the whole story. I can imagine somebody visiting the game parks and beaches in SA, but it is a very different reality living there. I hope that you're not upset or disappointed after all that effort, but if I realised eHarmony had this 'guided communication', I wouldn't have joined. It over-complicated things a bit. So, what do you think?"

Could I possibly be over-reacting or am I naive?
Last edited by bella8bella; November 5,2009 at 5:52pm. Reason: To add details about what he wrote
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #12  November 5,2009, 6:05pm
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Well, IMHO, you might be overreacting a bit, but then again the other posters make good points. Yes, this is not common, but I have known people to do this on other sites so this one could go either way. It is always nicer to see a place with someone who lives there if you are thinking that way. Gives you a better perspective on actually living there.

I have a bit of a curious bent, so I think I would take this a little further, and see if he does actually show up in your town, and go from there.

South Africans that I have met have all been pretty straightforward, practical people, and one of them doing this would not surprise me in the least.

Just if you do meet, take the usual safety precautions - keep it public, and keep it light. Being a tour guide can be a lot of fun, so if it is on the level you could end up having a really unexpected good time. But don't go doing anything silly like falling in love at first sight should you end up meeting him. And if any of the stuff the other posters mentions turns up AT ALL, like getting stuck on the way, needing a loan, etc, then report him IMMEDIATELY..... and if he is trying this on with a lot of women, well, someone probably has reported him already and the profile will dissappear - problem solved!
Last edited by Lilycat; November 5,2009 at 6:08pm. Reason: oops forgot something
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #13  November 5,2009, 6:36pm
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bella8bella wrote :
Thank you for the advice! When I was looking for information about scams on eharmony I didn't come across any that had the tour guide approach. Maybe it is a new one. Or maybe he is a normal guy and I am over thinking. Any other tips on how to spot the scammers? I know the one about if they immediately tell a sad story, or are recently widowed. But this guy never told a sad story. His profile mentioned no sad story. And his grammer was perfect. Could it be possible that he is telling the truth? I wish I had specific things to look for.


I hope this is ok for me to do... here is what he wrote:

"Message: Hi bella8bella, Finally we got through the questions. Thanks for sticking it out. I was saying that I joined to eHarmaony to meet somebody to chat about your city and maybe show me the sights. Also, I'd like the company. I am from South Africa visting the US to see where I might want to relocate. Got a Green Card and currently in Jacksonville, FL - not much happening here. Doing tourist activities and walking around in a new city can give you a sense, but doesn't really tell the whole story. I can imagine somebody visiting the game parks and beaches in SA, but it is a very different reality living there. I hope that you're not upset or disappointed after all that effort, but if I realised eHarmony had this 'guided communication', I wouldn't have joined. It over-complicated things a bit. So, what do you think?"

Could I possibly be over-reacting or am I naive?
You are impossible! (j/k)

But seriously...this has so many red flags I can't count 'em. Anything remotely connected to Africa and green cards I shy away from. Sorry Africa is getting such a bad rap, but one must be careful.

Also, the scammers have been reading responses on American blogs and boards as to how to spot a scammer. Thus, they now have English speaking writers with good grammar and spelling...and they don't come on too strong like they used to (you know the old "you be so butiful...i wont to mawwy you" lingo in the first few e-mails). They know that we have become much more savvy and look for parts of Africa associated with Nigeria or Cameroon. So...South Africa would be a new way to get into someone's pocketbook, head, and heart.

They are smarter and wiser now...so we must be smarter and wiser. But, if you think we are all wrong and being too harsh, by all means proceed...I'd just hate to say "I told you so" later on!

Are you looking to be a tour guide or are you searching for a real date? If tour guide is cool with you, and dealing with a man that has so many red flags appeals to you, I say "go for it!"

But I think you can do better than this...JMO
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #14  November 5,2009, 8:55pm
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Are you looking for a relationship, or a part-time tour guide gig?

I still say close him.

But if you should decide to play tour guide, I would STRONGLY suggest taking along another friend or two (including a male, if you can) on the tour. Your safety is your #1 value. If he balks at the group tour, then your values and his are too different... the perfect reason to close!

Me? I would never, ever, ever follow up with this one and meet him!
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #15  November 5,2009, 9:25pm
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I dunno it does seem very strange to me ... maybe I dont understand how this works, but don't you fill out what level of commitment you are looking for and arent your matches supposed to be at the same level? So if you put that you're looking for a committed relationship, wouldn't that mean he did too? So he lied?

maybe I'm wrong ...

But I think I'd close him.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #16  November 5,2009, 9:39pm
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Bella, the advice eH gives on safety is to trust your gut. You were concerned enough to want to post here. What does your gut say?

There's no way someone could go all the way through getting signed up on eH without understanding that this is a DATING site. It is not a TOUR GUIDE site. His story is odd.

I am not an expert on green cards, but I don't think they hand them out so people can tour around looking for a place to settle? That would be a visa, not a green card, wouldn't it?

I just think it's a bizarre situation, and wouldn't go anywhere near it. But as WonderWoman says, if you are going to meet with him, take friends with you, especially male friends. After all, it is not a DATE. It is a TOUR. Good luck.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #17  November 6,2009, 3:00pm
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tommyboy047 wrote :
I love that legend, I just love it!!!! And probably not far from the truth. Hope she comes back and reads this and makes the right joice, NO, NO, NO, DELETE, IGNORE, CLOSE and BYE!! Oh yes, please report him, I would hate to have him change his tactics and draw in some of the other fine ladies here.
Thanx tommyboy...you hit the nail on the head too!
 
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