yueyuan is offline yueyuan Post #1  November 2,2009, 10:03pm
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Here are the few questions that I have:
Icebreaker? Do you need to reply when someone sent you an icebreaker? Few of my matches sent me icebreaker, but I haven't reply any of them yet. None of they take initial to start communication, do you think is this because I don't reply their icebreaker?

I thought men will start communication if they are interested. I closed all match if they don't take initial in a month. I joined eH for about 4 months, closed and was closed about 500 matches now, still have about 100 open. Is it ok with what I am doing? What are your thoughts?

How do you reply a match if they are very interested, sent you an email and called after first met, he asked for next date and asked how do you feel about the first date. I don't want to meet him again, but don't know how to tell him because I don’t want to hurt his feeling he is a gentleman. Should I just ignore his calls and emails? Thank you for your opinions.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #2  November 3,2009, 5:17am
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I won't get into your third question, but I will dive in to your first two.

I've never used icebreakers. Frankly, I find them pointless. Many of the "vets" around here will tell you that icebreakers are the hallmark of non-paying members since that's the only way they can communicate.

As far as your second question goes, if you are a paying member, you really should take the time to initiate communication with matches you are interested in. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. There's a good chance that most of the people that haven't bothered to initiate don't subscribe anyway, so closing them is no big deal, especially after a month.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  November 3,2009, 8:33am
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I agree with MicMan. As for your 3rd question, how would you feel if you reached out to someone and heard ... Nothing? It would be confusing and frustrating. Much better to tell this man that you're not interested, in a kind and polite way. Good luck!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  November 3,2009, 10:02am

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yueyuan wrote :
I thought men will start communication if they are interested. I closed all match if they don't take initial in a month. I joined eH for about 4 months, closed and was closed about 500 matches now, still have about 100 open. Is it ok with what I am doing? What are your thoughts?

How do you reply a match if they are very interested, sent you an email and called after first met, he asked for next date and asked how do you feel about the first date. I don't want to meet him again, but don't know how to tell him because I don’t want to hurt his feeling he is a gentleman. Should I just ignore his calls and emails? Thank you for your opinions.
Yes it is ok to close matches who don't initiate communication with you after a month (unless it's somebody that you really were interested in, but you close him because you have a principle that a guy should always initiate, then it's your loss).

Date: You've only gone on one date, and while some members here think is perfectly fine to just ignore, I'd say a nicer thing to do is to send a polite email telling him that although you felt he behaved gentlemanly on the first date, you just didn't feel the connection and wish him good luck. No mention of "you're a good guy" "let's be friends" or 'no chemistry' (especially if he's a chemist then he'll try to proof you wrong ).

Here...make it easy on you...copy and paste this:

Dear Humpty Dumpty (sorry I don't know his name),

I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with me the other day (night or whatever). Although you were a gentleman during our date, I'm sorry that I don't feel the romantic connection between us. I wish you good luck in finding the right person for you.

Sincerely,

There....if this works, you owe me $12.95
 
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calmascanbe is offline calmascanbe Post #5  November 3,2009, 10:29am
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I do the same thing, and that is if a guy doesn't initiate communication with me, then I close the match. Maybe I am old fashioned but I think if a man is interested then he will initiate communication. A man that doesn't initiate communication first is not interested, period.
I haven't been on eH that long, but long enough to say that I now have close to 300 closed matches, and would say that it is about equal on who closed who.
I appreciate the information on how many matches don't actually exists on eH, such as non-paying members. Wouldn't it be great if subscribing members were matched with subscribing members. Why should we have to go through matches who are not even a potential match?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  November 3,2009, 11:06am
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As the others have said:

1. An IceBreaker is an indication that the person is a non-paying member. I do respond if a match sends me an IceBreaker by sending First Questions. Of course while I am not at all put off by a woman initiating communication, in fact I like that she did, I more expect that she is likely to be like you and expect the guy to initiate. I will also mention that I have never had a match who sent me an IceBreaker respond to my First Questions.

2. I believe reading your post that you may be of a different cultural background and so it may be that your culture would be against a woman showing initiative by sending First Questions. However, in typical American culture it is fine for a woman to initiate communication (even though there are a lot of women on here that are going to disagree with me on this). You are paying your money just like the guys and you have every right to use the eHarmony system to it's fullest extent. That includes initiating communication.

Your closing after a month is fine. However, I wait until after there is a Free Communication Weekend to give active but non-paying members the chance to communicate. After the FCW is over I then clean out all the matches that have never responded.

3. The polite thing to do is to tell your match that you are not interested in continuing the relationship further. It really does not need to be anything more than "I enjoyed meeting you but I just don't feel that we are a good match."
 
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yueyuan is offline yueyuan Post #7  November 3,2009, 1:48pm
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Thanks all of your help!! I appreciate it. I like to post here as there are so many nice people here like you always willing to help!
 
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yueyuan is offline yueyuan Post #8  November 3,2009, 1:51pm
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Here...make it easy on you...copy and paste this:

Dear Humpty Dumpty (sorry I don't know his name),

I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with me the other day (night or whatever). Although you were a gentleman during our date, I'm sorry that I don't feel the romantic connection between us. I wish you good luck in finding the right person for you.

Sincerely,

There....if this works, you owe me $12.95

Thanks, I believe it will work...(:
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #9  November 3,2009, 4:21pm

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yueyuan wrote :
Here...make it easy on you...copy and paste this:

Dear Humpty Dumpty (sorry I don't know his name),

I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time with me the other day (night or whatever). Although you were a gentleman during our date, I'm sorry that I don't feel the romantic connection between us. I wish you good luck in finding the right person for you.

Sincerely,

There....if this works, you owe me $12.95

Thanks, I believe it will work...(:
Don't forget to change the name!!

(p.s. i take cash only)
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  November 3,2009, 4:51pm
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If the "Dear Humpty Dumpty" letter replaces "Dear John" in the popular culture, we'll know who to blame...
 
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