I'm asking again, please don't do this unless...


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #1  November 1,2009, 2:05pm
pussinboots's Avatar

is EXTREMELY happy that the Beatles are now on YouTube

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Connecticut

Posts: 510

See profile

Several months ago I started a thread about why "good luck with your search" should not be among the re-opening request phrases.

Now as I've been getting it more and more lately, I question even more why eH has it there. It is too ambiguous. For myself, sometimes it has meant that the match wanted to be re-opened - and a number of times I did - sometimes I guess it's just someone being polite - although why someone would go to that trouble after being rejected by a stranger is beyond me.

I'm not talking about getting false hope, I'm talking about the waste of time in considering to and then re-opening a match when that match didn't want to be re-opened after all.

Just today I got that message from a match whom I had closed several days ago. I did re-open her and started FastTrack as she preferred. She emailed me back, saying she did not want to be re-opened. I closed her again.

Later she sent me once more "Good luck with your search."

And if you want to hear about matches who never responded or closed me after re-opening because of that phrase.....
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #2  November 1,2009, 2:13pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

I am confused. I never thought of this one as a request to re-open. I usually send it when someone who is obviously incompatible closes me, as way to say "yes, I agree." Or when someone closes with "based on statements in the profile, I'm not interested" as a way to say "oh yeah? same to you, hon." Just a way to confirm that the match is really closed out.
 
  Reply With Quote
pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #3  November 1,2009, 2:23pm
pussinboots's Avatar

is EXTREMELY happy that the Beatles are now on YouTube

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Connecticut

Posts: 510

See profile

melman wrote :
I am confused. I never thought of this one as a request to re-open. I usually send it when someone who is obviously incompatible closes me, as way to say "yes, I agree." Or when someone closes with "based on statements in the profile, I'm not interested" as a way to say "oh yeah? same to you, hon." Just a way to confirm that the match is really closed out.
But it is among the re-opening request phrases.

I see what you're done, but why bother? Just close it AND avoid any ambiguity.

And as I've said, a number of times a match of mine DID want to be re-opened.
Last edited by pussinboots; November 1,2009 at 2:33pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #4  November 1,2009, 2:34pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

Maybe you're thinking about this in the wrong way. When someone closes you, the ball is back in your court. The site says "If you would like to reply to xxx now, click on Send Final Message."When you send a final message, then the match who closed can re-open. Otherwise, he/she can't.
Of the 5 Final Message choices, I can see where 4 can be interpreted as a request to re-open:
  • I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it should be available to you.
  • I have completed all my Match Profile questions.
  • I really felt that we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider.
  • I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am.

But "Good luck with your search." clearly is not. Why would you assume anyone sending that message, would want you to re-open?
 
  Reply With Quote
alissag is offline alissag Post #5  November 1,2009, 2:38pm
alissag's Avatar

Life's not about weathering the storm but learning to dance in the rain!

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2009

RSM, CA

Posts: 241

See profile

I've noticed that I can't "officially" close a match that has closed me without sending a response. It will just sit in my communicating folder without sending a closed message. I would rather just close the thing and be done, why do I have to respond to their closed message to close the match?! It's really silly.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #6  November 1,2009, 2:44pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

Yes, that's why I send that final message. To get the match out of my Communicating tab and into the Closed tab.
 
  Reply With Quote
pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #7  November 1,2009, 2:47pm
pussinboots's Avatar

is EXTREMELY happy that the Beatles are now on YouTube

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Connecticut

Posts: 510

See profile

melman wrote :
Maybe you're thinking about this in the wrong way. When someone closes you, the ball is back in your court. The site says "If you would like to reply to xxx now, click on Send Final Message."When you send a final message, then the match who closed can re-open. Otherwise, he/she can't.
Of the 5 Final Message choices, I can see where 4 can be interpreted as a request to re-open:
  • I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it should be available to you.
  • I have completed all my Match Profile questions.
  • I really felt that we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider.
  • I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am.

But "Good luck with your search." clearly is not. Why would you assume anyone sending that message, would want you to re-open?
Two points here - I'm surprised you're not up with this stuff.

First, if you were the one who was closed, you can ask to be re-opened at any time even if you just closed and sent the match to your closed file. [The exception is if the match has closed her account.]

Second, as I've already mentioned twice - now three times - in this thread, a match did want to get re-opened on occasion when using that phrase. I can't be any clearer than that.
 
  Reply With Quote
pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #8  November 1,2009, 2:54pm
pussinboots's Avatar

is EXTREMELY happy that the Beatles are now on YouTube

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

Connecticut

Posts: 510

See profile

alissag wrote :
I've noticed that I can't "officially" close a match that has closed me without sending a response. It will just sit in my communicating folder without sending a closed message. I would rather just close the thing and be done, why do I have to respond to their closed message to close the match?! It's really silly.
I'm not sure what you're talking about. Normally, when I am the one being closed , I am given three choices. I can't remember the exact words, but it's something about just close it, send a final message [you're not required to], or put it aside for now and do nothing, while you think about it. I've always just closed. OR -your choice, not from eH - you can just leave it in your communicating file.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #9  November 1,2009, 2:57pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

pussinboots wrote :
First, if you were the one who was closed, you can ask to be re-opened at any time even if you just closed and sent the match to your closed file. [The exception is if the match has closed her account.
Huh? If I am the one who gets closed, the closer goes into my Communicating tab with status "Send Final Message". When I send a final message, it goes into the Closed tab with status "Read 'Closed' Message".

wrote :
Second, as I've already mentioned twice - now three times - in this thread, a match did want to get re-opened on occasion when using that phrase. I can't be any clearer than that.
How did you know that? Because you re-opened and she told you? I would never interpret "Good luck" as a request to re-open. I have always clicked Close Match when I receive this, and then the match is permanently closed from both sides.
 
  Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  November 1,2009, 3:37pm

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

Hi Pussinboots,

Thanks for the feedback and letting us know how this has been an ambiguity for you. I believe I understand your original post – you are saying that you close a match, and sometimes the match sends the final message “Good luck with your search,” providing you with the option to re-open the match.

You have found that sometimes the match really was just trying to send a polite message and didn’t want to re-open, but other times you have found that she sent this message in hopes that you would re-open the message. You find this leaves more room for miscommunication and mixed messages – is that correct?

I personally have always considered sending this final message as a way to say something positive, and to additionally let the match know that you would be open if they chose to communicate in the future. Again, I think you’ve presented valid feedback. I can see where this final message could be interpreted in different ways, and in talking to members, I have seen it being taken in different ways.

Since at the moment, I can only offer suggestions or give information on a feature as it currently is, I do want to say that I think it was a good move to re-open and find out. I can also see that it’s not always that fun taking that step only to find out that they weren’t interested in communicating further. That would be extra work, and disappointing. Sorry that has happened.

Alissag and Melman – you do have the option to just close the match after the match has closed – or you should. You should be able to go to your My Matches tab, click on the “Read closed message” across from your match’s name, and next to “Send Final Message” there should be a “Close match” option.

If you don’t see this, I am wondering if it’s possibly a display error. Just to make sure, you may want t to contact Customer Care and find out if it is happening on our side as well. If it is, you will have helped us locate a tech error. If not, we may be able to help you view the “Close match” option. The Help link to send a message to our Customer Care team is: http://help-singles.eharmony.com.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Find Profile | Using eHarmony | How do I change from old psych profile to new style »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:10am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0