I'm asking again, please don't do this unless...


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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #11  November 1,2009, 3:57pm
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melman wrote :
Huh? If I am the one who gets closed, the closer goes into my Communicating tab with status "Send Final Message". When I send a final message, it goes into the Closed tab with status "Read 'Closed' Message".

Two more points: First, eH it seems has changed the choices when you are closed. There used to be three, now there are only two. You still shouldn't need to send a final message in any case

How did you know that? Because you re-opened and she told you? I would never interpret "Good luck" as a request to re-open. I have always clicked Close Match when I receive this, and then the match is permanently closed from both sides.
Second, I just don't understand why you are not getting this. For what I hope will be the final time here, depending on the match, we went further into GC or started OC. I guess one can say, yes, she told me! You're just pulling my leg, aren't you?

Also, there is something I don't understand. When I've gotten the good luck message, I did not need to take any action if I wanted it to stay closed. Do you think newer members have different options??
 
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melman is offline melman Post #12  November 1,2009, 3:57pm
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Kate - if you think this is worth forwarding to your tech people, I'll let you do it.

Just to be clear about what I am seeing.

I do not have any closed matches in my Communicating tab right now.

In my Closed tab, I have many matches that were closed by eH when my account was deactivated awhile back. I'm pretty sure that the commands available on these matches are identical to those available with a newly closed match in the Communicating tab.

On the My Matches page, the matches have two buttons:

1. Read "Closed" Message, which takes you to a view of the list of closing reasons that the match selected. The available buttons here are "Send Final Message" and "Cancel". (This is also the page I'm taken to if I view the match's profile and click on MATCH CLOSED.)

2. "Send Final Message" which shows the 5 final message choices, and the buttons are also "Send Final Message" and "Cancel".
Last edited by melman; November 1,2009 at 4:08pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #13  November 1,2009, 4:01pm
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pussinboots wrote :
Second, I just don't understand why you are not getting this. For what I hope will be the final time here, depending on the match, we went further into GC or started OC. I guess one can say, yes, she told me! You're just pulling my leg, aren't you?
This will be the last time I try to offer you any help. What a grouch.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #14  November 1,2009, 4:04pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Hi Pussinboots,

Thanks for the feedback and letting us know how this has been an ambiguity for you. I believe I understand your original post – you are saying that you close a match, and sometimes the match sends the final message “Good luck with your search,” providing you with the option to re-open the match.

You have found that sometimes the match really was just trying to send a polite message and didn’t want to re-open, but other times you have found that she sent this message in hopes that you would re-open the message. You find this leaves more room for miscommunication and mixed messages – is that correct?
~Kate Harmony Advice Host
Yes Kate.
I was hoping a moderator would come in.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #15  November 1,2009, 4:09pm
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melman wrote :
This will be the last time I try to offer you any help. What a grouch.
You gave me a smile - thanks for that.

I just don't see why I should thank you for misunderstanding - or pretending to misunderstand - what I wrote.

No hard feelings either way.
 
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CA_Gal_2009 is offline CA_Gal_2009 Post #16  November 1,2009, 5:51pm
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pussinboots wrote :
You gave me a smile - thanks for that.

I just don't see why I should thank you for misunderstanding - or pretending to misunderstand - what I wrote.

No hard feelings either way.
I don't think Melman misunderstood what you wrote, I think you're just refusing to see that maybe, just maybe, YOU are misinterpreting what the final message means.

Here's the thing - of the options we are given, several are very clearly a request to reopen. "Good luck with your search" is NOT one of those clear options.

Now, it's very possible that you would close out a match who would have been interested in communicating with you. To be polite, she sends the "good luck" message. If you chosse to reopen her, she might choose to pursue the GC process and be glad that you reopened her. I have a hard time believing that she expected you to reopen the match, or even think about it, though.

If I'm sending a final message and I really want the guy to reopen me, I choose the option that actually says that (i.e., "I really felt we had potential..."). Otherwise, I'd choose "Good luck" just to be polite (unless he closed me for "other", in which case I'm not wasting my time with a final message).

The point is, I think that although some matches may interpret these messages the way you do, the vast majority interpret them the way the rest of us have, so it might be time to readjust how you're reacting to these messages.

Besides, you closed these ladies for a reason, so why are you bothering to spend the time reopening a match you already determined didn't have potential?
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #17  November 1,2009, 6:31pm
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Ca_Gal_2009, you brought up some good points, others maybe not so good.

For one thing, my major point all along as I mentioned in another thread I started was that "Good luck with your search" should NOT be among those options. You do know when you get this message eH tells you that you can re-open the match if you want?

If I could guess at the motives of someone who DOES want to be re-opened, I would say two of the options [photo now and profile completed] wouldn't be applicable and the other two perhaps show too much interest?

I don't know why you think the vast majority would interpret the good luck message the way you do. I don't make a claim either way.

As to why I might re-open a match - for any of the options - there are a number of reasons. Have you ever re-opened a match yourself?

At least Kate got what I was saying.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #18  November 1,2009, 6:58pm
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pussinboots wrote :
For one thing, my major point all along as I mentioned in another thread I started was that "Good luck with your search" should NOT be among those options. You do know when you get this message eH tells you that you can re-open the match if you want?

...

I don't know why you think the vast majority would interpret the good luck message the way you do.
To borrow a phrase, " I just don't understand why you are not getting this."

I don't see any way that "Good luck with your search" could be interpreted as a request to re-open. Yes, it is a Final Message, and as such it puts control back in the hands of the person who closed the match, and that means that he/she may re-open. But I just can't imagine re-opening a match that I closed, who simply said "Good luck." in return.

And yes, I do believe that the vast majority sees it this way. You should too.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #19  November 1,2009, 7:07pm
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I hope to have something interesting to share about this subject in the near future.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #20  November 1,2009, 8:01pm
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pussinboots wrote :
Several months ago I started a thread about why "good luck with your search" should not be among the re-opening request phrases.

Now as I've been getting it more and more lately, I question even more why eH has it there. It is too ambiguous. For myself, sometimes it has meant that the match wanted to be re-opened - and a number of times I did - sometimes I guess it's just someone being polite - although why someone would go to that trouble after being rejected by a stranger is beyond me.

I'm not talking about getting false hope, I'm talking about the waste of time in considering to and then re-opening a match when that match didn't want to be re-opened after all.

Just today I got that message from a match whom I had closed several days ago. I did re-open her and started FastTrack as she preferred. She emailed me back, saying she did not want to be re-opened. I closed her again.

Later she sent me once more "Good luck with your search."

And if you want to hear about matches who never responded or closed me after re-opening because of that phrase.....
This is not a re-open request. Sending ANY Final Message will cause the Re-Open button to be displayed.
 
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