Some good OC opening questions??


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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #1  October 31,2009, 6:14am
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A bit tongue tied. Anyone have some good questions to ask within the first OC and such?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 31,2009, 8:12am
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You could just use OC to talk about when/where to meet, rather than going into more exploration.

If you have reservations still about whether you want to meet this person, then give her some info about yourself that's related to the hesitation you're feeling, and ask her what you need to know.

E.g. say you hesitating to meet because you have a religious difference. Tell her (briefly) where you are with religion and ask her what her response to that is.

It seems like the general consensus on these boards is that it's best to move on to meeting sooner rather than later ...
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  October 31,2009, 8:37am

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When I reached OC with match. The last thing I wanted to do was answer a list of more questions. Even if I was sending the first email. I will try to keep it light and avoid the common; what do you do for work/ family, etc emails.

I approach the first email as if I am emailing a friend. I might provide a few addtional facts about myself or what I have planned for the following weekend. I'll ask their opinion on it or a current event. I would also pick a common interest we shared from their profile and run with it.

I try to get to the phone rather quickly, Usually within the first couple of emails, The phone is my choice of communication, So we can set up a date/meeting in the near future. I don't pursue LDR's, So this works for me with local matches.

Add: I use a combination of email and phone prior to meeting up with a match. I'm not trying to rush into meeting a match. I just rather keep the lines communication moving forward, So that it doesn't get drawn out to a penpal.
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 31,2009 at 9:08am. Reason: not looking for a penpal
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 31,2009, 9:39am
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As this has been covered previously (and at the time well received) I will post them again for your enjoyment:

1. What specific kind of man are you looking for? (For example: funny, hard working, generous, etc.)

2. How do you expect to be pursued? (For example: regular phone calls, text messages, e-mail, dates several times a week, etc. How frequent should communication be?)

3. What level of commitment do you expect? (For example: Do you expect this to be an exclusive relationship? When do you expect the relationship to become exclusive?)
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  October 31,2009, 10:10am
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1. Thank the match for enduring Guided Communication.

2. One question about something that was not completely answered in Guided Communication.

3. Start setting up the first meeting. Suggest part of the plan (e.g. the date and place). But do not ask her to pick the time. If she's interested she will either a) do it or propose an alternative date/place/etc. or b) she'll request that you do it, maybe with some options that work for her.

4. Do NOT write any essays. Do NOT give any impression that you want to be a pen pal or are prepared to chase or pursue. Short messages.

5. Conclude quickly ("Talk to you later, I'm off to (the gym,a party, etc.).") You're busy and worth pursuing.

Don't lie; be sincere but brief. And keep things light. However, you want to establish (in her mind) that you are someone she needs to meet. Don't be a pushover, but don't debate the "rules" of communication or plan out your relationship before anything gets started. (That's just creepy.) Leave a little bit of mystery.
Last edited by melman; October 31,2009 at 10:33am.
 
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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #6  October 31,2009, 11:41am
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Yea, I know about the paragraphs thing. This one OC we started around the 20th e-mailed back and forth five times already. Said we should talk over the phone on the second e-mail, third said she agreed, but mostly just e-mailing back and forth. All her e-mails are like she wants to learn more about me and asks other questions; thus both her and my e-mails are like two or three paragraphs each. Not going to ask her again, as it looks needy, so just let that one go as it goes. Not looking for another OC that requires a dicertation to communicate.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  October 31,2009, 12:16pm
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If you knew about the "paragraphs thing" (and I'm not sure what you mean... it's something I put together on my own using advice from several places), then why are you in pen-pal-he11 with your match?

Are you concerned about OC with new matches, or with trying to move "Miss 20th" along? I can't tell.

Long message exchanges with long answers are problematic. You wouldn't think so at first... everyone thinks this is a good way to get to know someone. Ditto for the phone. But it's not reality. Both sides start to form this fantasy image of what the other person is like, and these images are generally not accurate. The only way to find out what someone is like, and how you interact together, is to meet for an in-person introduction.

If you've only gone as far with Miss 20th as to suggest that you'd like to talk on the phone, and haven't pushed the matter, you're dropping the ball. Stop pen-palling her. Tell her either "I want to call you on Monday" (she'll either give you her number or ask for yours) or "I want to meet you at X on Yday." And nothing else.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #8  October 31,2009, 12:18pm

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MQRegan wrote :
Yea, I know about the paragraphs thing. This one OC we started around the 20th e-mailed back and forth five times already. Said we should talk over the phone on the second e-mail, third said she agreed, but mostly just e-mailing back and forth. All her e-mails are like she wants to learn more about me and asks other questions; thus both her and my e-mails are like two or three paragraphs each. Not going to ask her again, as it looks needy, so just let that one go as it goes. Not looking for another OC that requires a dicertation to communicate.
So you suggested to move to the phone and she agreed. Did you ask for her number or are you waiting for her to offer it up? It's not needy to ask again, Especially since you both agreed.

When I am in this situation, this is where I just provide my number for her to call me.

You're right you don't need to provide a dicertation to communicate, but some may need a another push!
 
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MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #9  October 31,2009, 1:33pm
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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
So you suggested to move to the phone and she agreed. Did you ask for her number or are you waiting for her to offer it up? It's not needy to ask again, Especially since you both agreed.

When I am in this situation, this is where I just provide my number for her to call me.

You're right you don't need to provide a dicertation to communicate, but some may need a another push!
Suggested it in the second e-mail and placed my phone in there as well. I know how some women are concerned to give out their phone numbers at first. She replied stating we should definitely talk soon and gave her direct e-mail to continue the conversation through direct e-mail instead of eharmony. That was two e-mails ago. On one side, I do not want to seem to pushy or aggressive. On the other side, I do not want to seem too beating around the bush thing. Demanding that we will talk on Monday like Melman said would not work. If a woman told me we MUST talk on Monday, and demand my phone number, I am not too sure how keen I would be in talking to her.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #10  October 31,2009, 1:47pm
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What I do is very simple and direct. Just cleared GC with a match, my first open message stated where I wanted to meet, what day(next day) and what time.
Also that I do not text, and brief phone contacts. In person is how I work and only if we both decide to meet again would I consider exchanging email/cell info.

Her reply was "sounds great and I will see you there.

We are now planning a 3rd outing as I write this. And we met Thursday and seem to be connecting well at this early stage.

Just my personal and very recent experience.
 
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