Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
nancymargritangelita nancymargritangelita is offline
nancymargritangelita's Avatar

nancymargritangelita getting ready for Christmas

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

melman wrote :
"I'd be glad to meet you in person and talk about it."



"I'd be glad to meet you in person and talk about it."

If you treat OC and the later communication stages as a job interview, don't be surprised to get closed out.
I suppose this is what it all boils down to isn't it? It's just another way of "interviewing" people to find the one you'll get along with.

By the way, these questions never got me closed out. I've developed some good friendships doing things this way. The friendships may not necessarily lead to a relationship at this point, but you never know.

From his origianl post I had the feeling that the OP wants advice on how to start OC with someone. From further posts, it seems to me that he's actually wants advice on one specific relationship that he's developing.

I'll take myself out of this thread for now. If I don't too many other wires will get crossed.
Last edited by nancymargritangelita; November 1st, 2009 at 06:46 am.
- November 1st, 2009, 06:43 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
MQRegan MQRegan is offline
MQRegan's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 135

See profile

Well yes and no. On the first case, I did initiate communication and we got to OC in two days; which I thought was pretty fast. She then sent the first e-mail and on the last four really says she wants to get to know more about me. We started OC on the 14th. So she sent four I sent four. I have no idea on where this one will go. Prob. going to say you seem a bit hesitant in talking on the phone. Let's meet at Starbucks so we can chat in person; and see how that comes off.

Melman, I have tried what you've suggested in the past, it did not work out so well with other OCs.

On the new one, I am just trying to avoid any obstacles that I have done with this one. Then again, I am not sure that I really hit any obstacles, some can just be slower to let in perfect strangers than others. This one woman I matched up a while back took a month to get to OC and then we talked and the next day met for coffee. It did not last for more than 8 dates, but during that time, she never wanted to talk on the phone. It was either text or in person. Gee, hope one of these doesn't end up like that one. Not sure if I want to go through that again.
- November 1st, 2009, 12:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline
eH_Advice_Host_Kate's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 758

See profile

Hi MQRegan,

Just a perspective from the Customer Care angle (having seen a lot of Open Communication volleys go on for quite a while), I don’t know that what you’re experiencing is out of the ordinary, though that doesn’t mean it’s less frustrating.

I have read the posts, and maybe I missed something, but have you checked in with her about her comfort level regarding speaking on the phone? Maybe just being direct – you gave her your phone number and noticed she has continued communicating through e-mails. You may want to ask her if she’s comfortable speaking over the phone, or if she would like to use Secure Call. You can also acknowledge that it seems like she might have a lot going on, if you feel that would give more a sense of your respecting her.

The Safety Tips (http://www.eharmony.com/safety/tips) do advise members to take care if they feel “pushed”, or they don’t feel comfortable moving faster or beyond a certain point in communication. So to acknowledge this would be showing her respect. It also wouldn’t hurt to suggest a time to speak on the phone, or a time and place to meet, if you want to go that route.

However, it’s just as valid that you would check in with yourself and determine your own comfort level. Does this match seem to have enough potential that you are okay with slowing down at a pace which is uncomfortable for you? Is this worth it to you? If you feel like you click with her on many levels, it may be worth it to continue. You may want to consider whether or not her slower pace is edging toward becoming a deal-breaker for you.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
- November 1st, 2009, 02:15 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
MQRegan MQRegan is offline
MQRegan's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Apr 2008

Posts: 135

See profile

If anything, I can be more nervous than I would think they would be since I have to come up with the conversation starts, make the call, pick the place, etc.

Interestingly enough, the first woman, got back to me from yesterday's e-mail early this morning; with telling me how her weekend was and with more questions about me. LOL Was thinking about replying answering the questions and then following up in the same e-mail saying something like it is easier in getting to know someone better through through the tel or in person than through e-mail. While I like our conversations in e-mail form, I would much rather talk to you either on the phone or in person.

On the second woman, she replied to my e-mail today and said sure, give me a call and listed her number. So I have two woman to deal with who are polar opposites. Now I have to think of what to say for the first few minutes and then possibly progress in meeting her at a coffee shop or something. Just need to make sure its not the same one I am going to present to woman # 1. Then this upcoming weekend gets in the way as I will not be here. Ugh... Why does everything have to happen all at once or not at all?
- November 1st, 2009, 06:20 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline
eH_Advice_Host_Kate's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 758

See profile

"Feast" is probably better than "famine", though! Communicating with apparent "polar opposites" in the area of response-rate might actually work in your favor – you have a chance to really see two different types and see which you ultimately click with best. This may really work for you logistically, too. Not over-crowding your calendar.

Good luck, MQRegan!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
- November 1st, 2009, 06:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« No responses | Array | Advice site problems? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Good boss? eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Career 7 November 22nd, 2009 02:09 am
Find You to Be a Good Friend confused_dater Ask a Dating Expert 8 September 24th, 2009 04:35 pm
Prevailing wisdom...good, but not gospel sodone Relationships 5 September 10th, 2009 06:30 pm
I can never get to second questions! Dyveke23 Using eHarmony 11 June 27th, 2009 02:19 pm
First Questions jeremydc Using eHarmony 9 May 28th, 2009 01:56 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“hmm. well, i've got a nasty streak of religiosity. as in, i believe chastity is not only for the unmarried. do i qualify? anyways, i'd say it's hard to talk about "advantages." being religious is, ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion

“I went on a short ( 4 nights 5 days) cruise to Alaska (we couldn't see Russia though) with someone I was dating/a lover last year.We were able to take our own booze BTW and there were smoking and non ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Is a Cruise a good Date?” discussion

“Each person has his or her own set of correct behaviors, depending on their age, rearing, socio-economic status, religious inclination, financial ability etc etc etc.We can't and shouldn't attempt to ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People” discussion

“This is one of those discussions where it is difficult to have a rational and logical exchange because emotions take over. I think what is being missed the most is that the real problem here is that ... ” – waltercl

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“I see it too, ScottK. I also get a kick out of the fact that you got one star for this thread and I believe it is probably because you dared to mention that you are not liberal. lol!! So much for the ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “Hypocritical Match?” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“Hi madewar..I know exactly what you are writing about.Having been married and divorced in after 10 years, then married to a real 'soul partner' and and then widowed at 61, I have little or no desire ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion

“I've cancelled my account. As of Dec 3 I will no longer be a paying member. I am fed up with my quality of matches. I know they don't go by appearance however I have been matched with what I would ... ” – melcalrrt

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:26 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0