discouragedinsd is offline discouragedinsd Post #1  October 28,2009, 9:52pm
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I have been on E-Harmony for about 7 or 8 months now. In this time I have had only 2 men contact me and once I responded they seemed to have lost interest because that is as far as things went. At the same time I have initiated contact with several gentlemen using the guided communication and have also gotten no response. Why aren't any real honest good men responding or making contact? This is even more frustrating by the fact that on several other sites that I have tried, the scammers (people who only want money) are constantly making contact. Why am i only visible to the bad guys? Can anyone help?

Please don't tell me the profile advisor, as much as the subscription is to e-harmony, i don't want to shell out any more money.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  October 29,2009, 5:46am
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You can always copy and paste your profile for comments here on these boards under the "Using E-harmony" for free, if you don't mind the fact that these boards are wide open for anyone to read and if you are open to constructive criticism. It may help you figure out why no responses and would not cost a penny.

Also, on EH, a lot of your matches simply may not be active. Still, since it's not just EH that's not producing any results, I'm guessing it's your profile that may be at issue.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  October 29,2009, 6:42am
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Yes, post parts of your profile in "Using eHarmony" and you will get constructive criticism.

Also, you don't say how many matches you get ... if not many, try expanding your preference settings to be more inclusive...longer distance, more religions or ethnicities, etc.

Good luck!
 
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calmascanbe is offline calmascanbe Post #4  October 29,2009, 9:15am
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I would say give it time. A great deal of people have the same frustrations on eH, but time patience is what gets most of us through.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  October 29,2009, 10:11am
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Be sure, too, that you are putting your best foot forward. Our profiles don't provide a lot of information about us, so we get judged on our photos and just a few words (with some people relying more on our photos and others relying more on what we've said).

To be frank, your photo gives the impression of someone much older than you actually are. I'm not sure if you are using this one in your eH profile, but if you are, you might think about using one instead that shows you smiling and being more animated. You might think, too, about updating your look a bit so it is a little more contemporary if you are comfortable with doing that (do you have any close girlfriends who can tell you honestly what your best "look" is?).

Most of us here have experienced the same frustration with eH as you are at one point or another. But, some tweaks here and there to a profile can sometimes help to increase responses. So, I also encourage you to post your profile!
 
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claire09 is offline claire09 Post #6  October 29,2009, 7:23pm
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although it maybe something in your profile that makes them hesitant. for the most part, I think that men are better at sitting behind a computer or even a phone can engaging. But, when it comes to actually meeting that takes work and many men don't want to take that extra step. Just keep trying and eventually someone will be serious about the entire process
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 30,2009, 9:37am
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As was slightly touched on by others. Most (about 90%) of your matches are going to be non-paying members who can't respond. Most non-paying members are also non-active which means that they never view you or close.

Also as mentioned you can cut and paste parts of your profile into a thread and we would be happy to review it and provide our opinion on it and suggest changes you may want to consider.

Another thing to consider is re-taking the Questionnaire. When I joined I was on for 7 1/2 months before I had the first match respond. About that time I did re-take the Questionnaire and the type, quantity and quality of my matches changed for the better and I started getting a lot more that would respond.

You do indicate that when you have had a match communicate that they lost interest after you had answered First Questions. This would suggest that your answers were what turned them off.

Your screen name would suggest that you live in South Dakota. I am not at all familiar with South Dakota, but do you live in an area where there are a great many more single women than men? Or do you live in a rural or small town and all your matches are in a large city such that they would get matches that would be local to them where you would be, not necessarily a LDR, but a longer drive to date?
 
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propchick is offline propchick Post #8  October 30,2009, 4:35pm
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Your picture here is cute as could be! If it's the one on your main profile, my biggest suggestion would be to retake it, against a plain background. Please don't try to hang up a sheet as a backdrop, lol. Look around your house for a bit of empty, neutral colored wall, slap on your biggest smile, and click away!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  October 30,2009, 4:44pm
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claire09 wrote :
I think that men are better at sitting behind a computer or even a phone can engaging. But, when it comes to actually meeting that takes work and many men don't want to take that extra step. Just keep trying and eventually someone will be serious about the entire process
You have 6 posts to your name. This is the third one I've seen where you generalize men as not wanting to meet, not wanting to talk on the phone, and preferring to sit behind the computer. Why do you keep doing this? (asked the guy sitting behind the computer, who doesn't like to talk on the phone... but is certainly willing and available to meet any match that wants to.)

Should we give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you don't know that most of your matches are lapsed/inactive/not there? You don't know that their not-there-ness is the reason they don't communicate with you? Is that it?
Last edited by melman; October 30,2009 at 5:20pm.
 
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discouragedinsd is offline discouragedinsd Post #10  October 30,2009, 5:13pm
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Hey Everyone thanks for the help, I am going to try a new hair color and style and get a professional photo taken and will be posting my profile for some other suggestions.
 
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