Suggesting a meeting during OC without speaking on the phone?


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BILLGOLF is offline BILLGOLF Post #11  October 29,2009, 10:05am
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I can offer a different perspective here on phone calls with women you have never met. I have no problem in the coversation topics part on the phone. I do have problems due to a hearing loss and speech impediment. I have had some matches that seemed very promising until we had a phone conversation. Then they lost interest quickly. I also know it is not always based on my speech, but is seem that way. I just rejoined EH yesterday and guess the next time I get to OC I should mention I would rather meet in person rather than a phone call, as our first contact. I am upfront in my profile about my speech and hearing situation so somone would not be surprised when we meet. There are some people who understand my speech much better than others. I also recognize some women worry about what their friends will think when first meeting me, and as a result don't give me a chance. I undersatnd their perspective and respect their right to make that choice, and do not think of them as shallow. I know somewhere there is someone.
 
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claire09 is offline claire09 Post #12  October 29,2009, 8:30pm
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I suppose its whatever works for both yourself and your date. Like someone noted, here its just a matter of gender differences. Women want to get a "feel" for the guy before they engage in person. We are vulnerable so we tend to be more cautious. You can really get a good feel for someone over the phone. The last guy I spoke to complained the entire conversation and didn't asked me anything about myself. I am so glad that I didn't waste time getting ready, going out and meeting him in person. That would have been disastrous. So, phone has its uses. Dont be so quick, if a woman wants to talk, call her once you dont have to talk long just enough where you can get a feel for each other and take it from there. You may find that she's really not what you are into after all.
 
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NathanCM is offline NathanCM Post #13  October 29,2009, 9:48pm
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Find a popular place, local pub or what have you, state you'll be there at XYZ and then leave it to her.

Women love to talk and plan and build things up, but in the end nothing makes up for human interaction - when it happens it there is either chemistry or there isn't.

Personally I hate the phone due to personal disabilities (tenitis)...
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #14  October 30,2009, 12:05pm
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I prefer OC then email and then phone and texting before meeting. If you take the time then you can learn alot about someone over a few phone calls. Sure 1 or 2 phone calls really will not do it. As you both get comfortable talking to each other and opening up more and more, you can learn and yes, even start to really like the person. I have yet to meet anyone online without talking on the phone first and even at that, I use that phone time to get to know the person before my eyes get in the way of any kind of judgements. Sometimes the person you are getting to know can seem so beautiful and when you finally meet, well, she still is even if she is only 1/2 of what your eyes expected. "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", lets rephrase that for online, "Beauty is in the mind of the beholder", the eyes will surely follow. After all, by then you have some kind of idea what your eyes will see when you meet because hopefully you have shared a photo. I can talk on the phone for hours but funny thing is, the girl I am with now was not a phone person, so I adjusted in spurts. All of the online dates I have had, when we finally meet, it was like meeting a friend that my eyes have not seen in a long time. I know so much about you and now, I can see you and touch you, OH JOY!!! It sure does make for a wonderful dating experience the more you know about someone before meeting.

Over the years I remember alot of phone conversations lasting to the early mornings and being tired the whole next day and we would share this fact the next night, lol. I remember one girl I met online, we talked for a year before meeting but that was a LONG distance relationship.

Okay, you can all say I am wrong but this is my experience and I am sticking with it. Till that feeling hits, I will talk with someone for over a month on the phone before meeting, or longer if need be. Yes, alot of times she will say "when we gonna meet", "so... when we gonna meet"... most sooner then later.
Last edited by tommyboy047; October 30,2009 at 12:11pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #15  October 30,2009, 5:51pm
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You can't learn anything about chemistry over the phone. And texting accomplishes nothing. It surely sounds like you are using long phone conversations to enhance your fantasy image of the person. And surely, you must have had meetings where the fantasy went up in smoke almost right away?

There are studies that say that "more familiarity" often leads to "less attraction".
 
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propchick is offline propchick Post #16  October 31,2009, 2:11am
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I'd much rather skip the phone calls, and head straight for a causal meeting somewhere. Maybe this is terrible of me, but it's just like with the 5 Questions -- I don't really care what the answers are. What I want to know about a guy is if there's any chemistry, if he's the kind of guy who treats the coffee shop workers rudely, if he walks away from a table full of his own trash, etc. I want to know who he really is -- not who he thinks I want to hear he is.

I don't get nervous on the phone, but I have family members who do, and I've seen how easy it is to lose track of what you've said, panic because you can't see their reactions, and have the whole call go down in flames.

If you do call, for the love of Alexander Graham Bell, use a landline! There's nothing that exacerbates a bad phone call like constantly hearing, "Wait, my phone cut out...do you hear static, or is it just on my end...oh, hey, I think my battery's about to die..."
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #17  October 31,2009, 4:17am
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sports24662 wrote :
To put it simply, I've always been terrible at talking on the phone with people I don't know. I'm getting the feeling that talking on the phone with my matches is hurting me by giving a bit of a false impression.

What are your opinions on asking or getting asked to meet without talking on the phone first?
I once gave a match my number and when she called the next day, the first thing she said was, "Do you want to meet for dinner at XYZ Restaurant in an hour?"

Personally, I love talking on the phone. So, I'd be wary of a match who I couldn't communicate with easily on the phone (and usually that's not a problem).
 
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melman is offline melman Post #18  October 31,2009, 5:40am
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trailviews wrote :
I once gave a match my number and when she called the next day, the first thing she said was, "Do you want to meet for dinner at XYZ Restaurant in an hour?"
That's a bit... odd. Either it was a "test" to see how desperate you are, or she had no concept of respect for people's time. Unless you'd been planning or hinting at this dinner through email and her call was just to seal the deal.

wrote :
Personally, I love talking on the phone. So, I'd be wary of a match who I couldn't communicate with easily on the phone (and usually that's not a problem).
I think enough people have stated that talking on the phone with a stranger is a somewhat off-putting, that if you haven't seen this come up, eventually you will. Just like I eventually expect to find someone who refuses to meet and demands to talk on the phone first. But it just hasn't happened yet. Maybe we are both seeing ladies who stick to the notion of letting the guy decide things.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #19  October 31,2009, 6:14am
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melman wrote :
That's a bit... odd. Either it was a "test" to see how desperate you are, or she had no concept of respect for people's time. Unless you'd been planning or hinting at this dinner through email and her call was just to seal the deal.
Well, the rest of the story was that she'd been communicating with multiple matches, and she was in a rush to narrow it down to one. She was trying to get a "date" in with me the one day and a date with another guy a day or 2 later. Of course, I didn't know any of this until the following day when she told me she'd chosen to continue dating the other guy.

You'd think a woman who was recently divorced and not been on a date since before marriage would not be so eager to narrow her dating options.
wrote :
I think enough people have stated that talking on the phone with a stranger is a somewhat off-putting, that if you haven't seen this come up, eventually you will.
I just think I'm good at getting women to talk ... it's not that hard.
wrote :
Just like I eventually expect to find someone who refuses to meet and demands to talk on the phone first. But it just hasn't happened yet. Maybe we are both seeing ladies who stick to the notion of letting the guy decide things.
Well that's nearly always true (them letting the guy decide).
 
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liquid_steel is offline liquid_steel Post #20  September 24,2010, 10:16pm

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For sound reasons (pun), women choose to talk on the phone before meeting a man on a blind date.

The voice offers information not possible with typed text characters and anyone striving to improve their relational skills will attend to the importance of such. Inflection, pace, mannerisms, tone, pitch, vibrato, ennuciation, expression: these appeal to the senses and communicate beyond words. Why not give your dating efforts the best chances by employing these?

To many women, the quality and content of a man's voice is MORE important than his photo--and you know the value of a photo image.

The other reason why women prefer a phone call before meeting? Safety. I marvel at how many men underestimate a woman's risk in a blind date. Maybe you know that you are not a problem (but you know you), yet she's wise to consider her safety a top priority. Talking on the phone helps a woman to take another step towards trust (provided you are trustworthy). Or, if she finds your voice terribly unattractive, would you not rather find that out before you meet? Likewise, what if you find her voice grating or unnerving? Wouldn't you rather find that out before investing several hours on a blind date?

Does this add to your perspective?
 
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