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Lookingandlooking Lookingandlooking is offline
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I'd also like a way to close multiple matches at once. If I send a first set of questions to 20 guys, and they don't reply in 2 weeks - what is the point of reviewing them all over again?

But this is about the "other" option. I know that people want an answer - but there could be hundreds of reasons why someone closes the match. I know someone mentioned this before- you would get much better feedback about your profile from your friends (or on the advice boards) than you would in a few words from a stranger.

I also like the option for "incomplete profile"
- October 28th, 2009, 08:45 pm
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grlnxtdr grlnxtdr is offline
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How about modifying the "I feel there is no chemistry" which implies that you have already met the person to " I don't find you attractive based on your photo" or something of that sort. It probably needs to be more P.C. than that, but the fact is if do not find that person attractive at all based on a photo, I think it is a valid reason to close a person. I would not be hurt if someone put that as a reason for closing me, it is just a fact of life we should have all learned in Junior High.
- October 28th, 2009, 08:54 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Ah, yes, Neardc –

Of course you know there have been posts about the steps to the closing process. I think that’s a whole new topic, and worth looking at again, maybe.

I will say that the reasoning behind the way it works now, I believe is to encourage members to review all matches before closing. Dismissing matches because you don’t feel like looking could really prevent people from meeting someone great. On the other hand, sometimes there are situations where you know that a number of matches all have deal-breakers. Stay tuned on that one…
Oh; I agree that's an important goal! (And, I've never "not" reviewed a match myself...) But, there must be a way to accomplish both goals (i.e., reviewing all matches while making the closing process more efficient). I will stay tuned.

One thing I'll add.... As you consider options to add, I think it's also important to think about options to drop. There are already a lot of options to screen, some of which seem to clutter the page more than provide useful choices. I hope that eH will take a close look at how frequently options are actually endorsed and think about dropping those that are used least often (those then legitimately fall into the "other" category), rather than simply making the list still longer. That would also make the closing process a bit more efficient.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:04 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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grlnxtdr wrote :
How about modifying the "I feel there is no chemistry" which implies that you have already met the person to "I don't find you attractive based on your photo" or something of that sort.
Ouch!!
- October 28th, 2009, 09:07 pm
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melman melman is offline
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neardc wrote :
Ouch!!
And that's the problem. Most of the more "informative" answers are going to run the risk of being more hurtful. I don't like pets, I don't like kids, your pictures made me cry. Would you want to be the eH employee that maintains this list and listens to all the complaints?

I think replacing "Other" with "Good luck" is enough of a solution.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:11 pm
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Gtaylor72 Gtaylor72 is offline
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Well I sure couldn't understand a photo reason.

I'm a professional photographer, or am trying to be with the current economy the way it is. And when I look at the photos posted on here I think that could have been done better. Some people just take a picture with their webcams and post it, others are posting snapshots with them and their friends, and others are standing so far back from the camera that you can't see them very good. And then there is some that post their "glamor shots" photo.

Thats why I don't base on just a photo cause a person can be widely different in appearance then the photo portrays them.

On replacing the other, Kate. I think the entire list needs revamped. Some don't really need to be in there, while others should be available only after a certain stage. Such as the Must Haves/Can't Stands which should be only available after those are sent and not really before.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:13 pm
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Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
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grlnxtdr wrote :
How about modifying the "I feel there is no chemistry" which implies that you have already met the person to " I don't find you attractive based on your photo" or something of that sort. It probably needs to be more P.C. than that, but the fact is if do not find that person attractive at all based on a photo, I think it is a valid reason to close a person. I would not be hurt if someone put that as a reason for closing me, it is just a fact of life we should have all learned in Junior High.
Yikes! Bad idea! You might as well just say "I think you're ugly!"

Imagine a person who is experiencing their first baby steps into online dating getting that message. Many people first venturing into online dating have fragile self esteem from their last relationship that ended... getting a message like that could push them into being a recluse for ages. "I don't find you attractive..." Ugh! That would crush me, and I've been doing online dating for years!

No, no, no. I'm certain eHarmony would never include that as a reason... but I just had to say.... No way.

A message that says "I don't feel we're a compatible match" would include what your thoughts are, but in a much kinder way.

(By the way, lots of people still bear scars from how cruel kids were in Junior High. Do we really want to perpetuate that into adulthood?)
- October 28th, 2009, 09:13 pm
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Gtaylor72 Gtaylor72 is offline
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
(By the way, lots of people still bear scars from how cruel kids were in Junior High. Do we really want to perpetuate that into adulthood?)
I know I sure as heck don't. I had enough of being picked on in Junior High to last me a lifetime.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:17 pm
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grlnxtdr grlnxtdr is offline
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
Yikes! Bad idea! You might as well just say "I think you're ugly!"

Imagine a person who is experiencing their first baby steps into online dating getting that message. Many people first venturing into online dating have fragile self esteem from their last relationship that ended... getting a message like that could push them into being a recluse for ages. "I don't find you attractive..." Ugh! That would crush me, and I've been doing online dating for years!

No, no, no. I'm certain eHarmony would never include that as a reason... but I just had to say.... No way.

A message that says "I don't feel we're a compatible match" would include what your thoughts are, but in a much kinder way.

(By the way, lots of people still bear scars from how cruel kids were in Junior High. Do we really want to perpetuate that into adulthood?)
True...okay, that sounds mean. Can that idea. But there are so many variables...How bout "I am not as big of a Star Treck fan as you are"? Maybe we should just stick to "other," because it kinda covers all the other stuff that does not appeal to you about that person without being mean.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:21 pm
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melman melman is offline
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Gtaylor72 wrote :
Such as the Must Haves/Can't Stands which should be only available after those are sent and not really before.
I don't know how many software developers eH has, but I'll bet it's not many. The basic interface doesn't ever change, and isn't likely to unless they roll out a brand new "eHarmony 2" which I don't really expect. And I don't think I would want, because every major web site re-write I've ever seen has turned out much worse than the original.

It could be really slick to show your match exactly what statements in the profile caused you to close. Imagine if you were allowed to select a sentence or two and have that be delivered as the reason you closed. But again, that (along with the ability to have the list change in the different communication stages) are major software changes and I just don't think we'll ever see them.
- October 28th, 2009, 09:23 pm
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