dbgirl is offline dbgirl Post #1  October 27,2009, 4:03pm
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I am fairly new to eHarmony and I wondering about whether to end communication with a match that just does not seem that interested....
Bear with all the details: We go through GC quickly, then have a couple of messages in OC, I do not hear back from him for over two weeks, so I close him. Surprisingly, a hour later or so, I get a request to re-open using the "please reconsider, I thought we had potential" choice. We have OC over the next week or so, with his response times mostly being three days later, but still nice emails. I initiated giving him my phone number, he says he will call over the weekend....does not. A week later I send a nice note, not mentioning the phone call. He apologizes for being busy with a new project at work and says he will try and call the upcoming Sat or Monday. He does call on Monday and leaves a voicemail saying if I call him back he will be up for another half-hour and if not he will call me the next night. He does not call the next night, but sends a response in OC apologizing for missing that call and wants to call late Thursday night. He does call then three days later and we have a nice long chat that day and again two days later. He asks if he can call me the next day for a third chat but does not. Has he "poofed"? ..... or has he been "poofing" all along?
Am I reading WAY too much into simple phone calls? Or expecting too much courtesy and attention too early or a guy to call when he says he will? I have been reading posts on these boards and I do not plan to get attached via email! Today I was considering the direct route: send a note asking hom about meeting, and if he is not interested please let me know. Is he worth communicating with or is he just too busy, dating others, clueless, or not interested?
Thoughts?
 
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Pyxie is offline Pyxie Post #2  October 27,2009, 8:27pm
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Hello there! If you are finding that you have to work twice as hard to get him to respond or whatever, then I would just move on. You can still chat with him if you want, but look elsewhere for other possible connections. If he really wants to get to know you he will do whatever it takes to get to you. I got this sage advice (although altered a bit) from my favorite aunt and you know, it still rings true. You want someone who WANTS to be with you, talk with you, not a 'once a month' thing or whatever. Keep your chin up, and you will eventually find the one that clicks into place. Good luck to ya! Pyxie
 
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RobTX1 is offline RobTX1 Post #3  October 27,2009, 9:33pm
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It can be many things about whats happening with him. Perhaps he's really busy? who knows. I'd probably try and meet once and see what you get. Other people with less patience probably would cut their losses and forget about it and close it out.
 
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Bluemay2 is offline Bluemay2 Post #4  October 27,2009, 9:40pm
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At this point, I think you should take the direct route you mentioned: send an email suggesting you meet in person. If he doesn't respond within a few days, then he's not that interested and you move on.
 
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BrickWallsBreak is offline BrickWallsBreak Post #5  October 28,2009, 3:37am
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Imagine being married to that guy? Close him now, before he drives you insane. I would.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  October 28,2009, 7:28am
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My comments in red
dbgirl wrote :
Is he worth communicating with...

Quite possibly.

... or is he just too busy

Quite possibly.

...dating others

Again, quite possibly.

...clueless

Maybe

...or not interested?

Again, maybe, maybe not.

Thoughts?
The only way to find out is to meet the guy. And if you're so quick to hit the 'Close' button, how will you find out? What's the harm in leaving the match open for awhile while YOU'RE communicating with and dating others?
Last edited by tweet37; October 28,2009 at 7:31am. Reason: I like how the other men are so quick to hit the 'Close' button. It leaves more matches for me.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 28,2009, 8:47am
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When I have a match that just does not seem to want to communicate with me and I find that all the communication is on my end then I just go NEXT! It does not matter if it is in OC on eHarmony or if we are sitting across the table from each other on a date.
 
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RobTX1 is offline RobTX1 Post #8  October 28,2009, 6:52pm
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BrickWallsBreak wrote :
Imagine being married to that guy? Close him now, before he drives you insane. I would.


+1

Just move on if it is like pulling teeth to try and get someone talking to you punch out now. Like Brick says being married to that will drive you to the Asylum.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #9  October 28,2009, 7:43pm
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Sage adage: We teach people how to treat us.
He is being disrespectful. You are letting him. You are teaching him how to treat you.
When we tell someone we will call, write, meet, whatever and we consistantly fall through we are sending a clear message: you are not important enough to me for me to treat you with the minimum of common courtesy.
This okay with you? Then let him keep it up until he tires of it. And he will.
 
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hesouttheresomewhere is offline hesouttheresomewhere Post #10  October 30,2009, 5:01pm
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I agree with the last reply before me...cut your losses and close it out!
 
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