What does "Pursuing another relationship" mean exactly?


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jamesa is offline jamesa Post #1  October 27,2009, 2:13pm
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I'm fresh on the eHarmony scene after having disastrous results with POF, Yahoo, and the like.

I know what "pursuing a relationship" means, but I'm confused why it would be a reason to close a match. If I'm dating somebody, then I would hide my profile a) for the courtesy of others and b) out of respect for my partner.

So, am I misunderstanding this reason? I also receive this as the close reason...or no response at all.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 28,2009, 9:16am
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I think with someone you haven't met you can't really know what they intend, when they pick a canned answer from a list. Could be lots of things ...

I am not interested but don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was interested but just last night I got more serious about someone so am backing out.
I am not interested but don't know what to say and don't like "other" so randomly picked something.

Who knows?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 28,2009, 9:55am
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As Sassafras54 said it could mean any number of things or nothing at all. I always view it as they have another match that they prefer over me and would rather not even consider me even though they have never communicated with or met me. Really for everyone that closes you without trying to get to know you it is their loss.

FYI you have to choose some reason in order to close someone.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #4  October 28,2009, 10:36am
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There is a difference--in my mind, anyway--between "pursuing" another relationship and being "in" another relationship. I've closed matches with the reason that I am "pursuing another relationship" because that is exactly what I'm doing. (None has been at any stage of communication, however.)

Especially in the early stages of GC (or even before any communications at all), people can read way too much into most any of those reasons.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  October 28,2009, 12:10pm
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When I canceled my subscription I turned off matching and closed all open matches with "I'm pursuing another relationship" because that's what I was doing, pursuing a relationship with my SO.

I know this is off topic but if people cancel their subscription but don't turn off matching, eH keeps sending their profile to others which accounts for a lot of these 'dead' matches that everyone complains about.
 
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Tank is online now Tank Post #6  October 28,2009, 12:32pm
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jamesa wrote :
I'm fresh on the eHarmony scene after having disastrous results with POF, Yahoo, and the like.

I know what "pursuing a relationship" means, but I'm confused why it would be a reason to close a match. If I'm dating somebody, then I would hide my profile a) for the courtesy of others and b) out of respect for my partner.

So, am I misunderstanding this reason? I also receive this as the close reason...or no response at all.
I was on yahoo years ago, what was it that made it and POF a disaster?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 28,2009, 12:46pm

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Jamesa –

I know that you’ve gotten a lot of responses already, and I just wanted to chime in as someone who has the view point of seeing thousands of members’ matches from this side.

People interpret that “Close” option in different ways. A lot of people I have spoken with do say that they think it’s the kindest option, because they consider it the least personal (“it’s not that I’m not interested in you, it’s that I’m interested in someone else.”) So some people use this because they are pursuing communication with other matches – whether or not they have actually gotten responses.

I also have seen many, many members not respond to matches or even view matches because they are, in fact, completely distracted by a developing relationship. They have left their matching feature enabled, and suddenly realize that they’ve neglected it. I could tell you story after story where this is the case.

Either way, it should give people more ammunition to not take getting closed personally.

All the best,

~Kate
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #8  October 28,2009, 1:23pm
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I use it if a match has a completely filled out profile with photo[s], but I'm just not attracted to that match. I'm not in this to try to hurt anyone's feelings.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #9  October 28,2009, 1:32pm
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pussinboots wrote :
I use it if a match has a completely filled out profile with photo[s], but I'm just not attracted to that match. I'm not in this to try to hurt anyone's feelings.
I'd much rather have the truth personally. If you don't want to use the dreaded "other", I think "I want to pursue other matches at eharmony" works as a generic, non-hostile "I'm just not that into you".
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #10  October 28,2009, 1:53pm
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cardguy wrote :
I'd much rather have the truth personally. If you don't want to use the dreaded "other", I think "I want to pursue other matches at eharmony" works as a generic, non-hostile "I'm just not that into you".
You're not going to get "truth" from some unknown match, who doesn't know you and has no desire to meet you. I think the "pursue other matches" closing reason is a little on the mean side; it implies "almost everyone except you". I'd rather have "other".
 
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