Responses...Why is it like pulling teeth


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digitallyanimated is offline digitallyanimated Post #1  October 25,2009, 8:58am
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slowly becoming a misanthrope

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I have been at this online dating for several years and have sent many communications out there, none came back. Even here Id try to start communication and after several weeks would have to nudge them to respond, again I get total silence.

Am I the only one experiencing this phenomenon or is the cold shoulder universal to relationship sites?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  October 25,2009, 9:21am
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Many people here find a majority of their matches do not reply, and this is often due to them being non-paying customers, or people who left the site but did not remove their profile.

On Match, most women do not reply (just disrespectful.) On searchable sites like Match, it is essential to very carefully compose your initial message - and even then most women will still ignore you.

It's offensive and rude, but you'll have to accept it to use online dating (though I gave up on Match for that reason.)
 
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BrickWallsBreak is offline BrickWallsBreak Post #3  October 25,2009, 2:41pm
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this place is too conservative for me. And that's saying a lot!

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Give it a few days at most. I've been here three weeks, and I've closed some great profiles. If they have viewed your profile (which you can see usually), and haven't responded to your initial questions, give it three or four days. That's my point for the 'closed' bin for me.

Face it, if a woman is too busy juggling 10 dates, she may not want to add another. If she doesn't check her e-mail, you probably don't want her for a relationship anyway, right?

"Oh, hey, I got your request to communicate 2 months ago, finally. I just checked my e-mail!" lol

Just move on
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #4  October 26,2009, 3:22pm
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digitallyanimated wrote :
I have been at this online dating for several years and have sent many communications out there, none came back. Even here Id try to start communication and after several weeks would have to nudge them to respond, again I get total silence.

Am I the only one experiencing this phenomenon or is the cold shoulder universal to relationship sites?
My advice is to stay with EHarmony but abandon the other sites, especially plentyof-flakes. You'll have about the same amount of success, and waste much less time. If a woman isn't interested in you on EHarmony she just closes you, and vice versa. On the other sites you don't know if she's interested in you so you waste time writing letters and never getting a response.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #5  October 27,2009, 4:53am
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digitallyanimated wrote :
I have been at this online dating for several years and have sent many communications out there, none came back. Even here Id try to start communication and after several weeks would have to nudge them to respond, again I get total silence.

Am I the only one experiencing this phenomenon or is the cold shoulder universal to relationship sites?
"several years?" and none have come back. Sorry it isn't the sight. I closed my sub'n after a months because there were too many responses! It is you, not the site. You need to seek pofessional help as to why. I can't possibly know you. But I'm sure it will be a) obvious (and you know what it is) and b) it is something you can change (but don't want to acknow.) But there is no point you sending out comm. until you seek proper advice.
 
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jamesa is offline jamesa Post #6  October 27,2009, 2:51pm
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Benevolence32 wrote :
My advice is to stay with EHarmony but abandon the other sites, especially plentyof-flakes. You'll have about the same amount of success, and waste much less time. If a woman isn't interested in you on EHarmony she just closes you, and vice versa. On the other sites you don't know if she's interested in you so you waste time writing letters and never getting a response.
lol. "plentyofflakes" I've never hear that one before, but it's not only good but true

I'm experiencing the same issue dude. I've been on the site a couple of weeks and managed to get two conversations started only to stall out at stage 3.

The reasons for slow response I've heard run from inactive profiles to busy individuals. I respect being busy, as I run a small business, but I still manage to pop on and check my emails.

Especially considering the "investment" that eHarmony requires, I am dead serious about using this site. My assumption was that this would be a universal feeling. $45 a month is nothing to sneeze at in this economy and it took me a ruddy hour to complete the questionnaire.

Personally I think that (and I assumed this was the case) that non-paying members should be excluded from match searching...or at least give you the option to opt out of receiving those matches. But considering they probably get thousands of new sign-ups a day, it improves their "match guarantee".

Just my thoughts. I'm not giving up and the quality of the folks on here far surpass those on POF. Also, I like the pre-matching and the GC process.
 
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jamesa is offline jamesa Post #7  October 27,2009, 3:16pm
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Fleuellen wrote :
"several years?" and none have come back. Sorry it isn't the sight. I closed my sub'n after a months because there were too many responses! It is you, not the site. You need to seek pofessional help as to why. I can't possibly know you. But I'm sure it will be a) obvious (and you know what it is) and b) it is something you can change (but don't want to acknow.) But there is no point you sending out comm. until you seek proper advice.
So you are suggesting that based on how he answered the personality questions that this is the reason why nobody is responding to his communication? Even though eHarmony uses its rigorous matching system to find people that would be compatible with that personality? And the fact that nobody can see your personality profile unless you allow them?

I agree it's not the site but to suggest that someone seek professional counseling is ridiculous and not appropriate.

It's all in the numbers. The more communications you send out the better your odds are at getting a response. You don't just give up.
 
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RobTX1 is offline RobTX1 Post #8  October 27,2009, 5:22pm
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jamesa wrote :

Just my thoughts. I'm not giving up and the quality of the folks on here far surpass those on POF. Also, I like the pre-matching and the GC process.


This is true. This is also why I'm sticking it out here on eHarmony. I do like the quality of people on here and I've lived through the nightmares of other sites. POF is the absolute worst of them all, "PlentyofFLAKES' was dead on.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #9  October 27,2009, 5:51pm
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I was just thinking about having a look at POF the other day - why is it not worth using?
 
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RobTX1 is offline RobTX1 Post #10  October 27,2009, 6:00pm
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Ephemera wrote :
I was just thinking about having a look at POF the other day - why is it not worth using?

I had 3 horrifying experiences with POF myself here in Texas where I am.
First person I met on there started emailing and contacting with me for a good while, this wasn't sudden. We chatted online and then moved to emails and then talked on the phone and they sounded like they were serious. So its time to meet at an Austin, Texas Starbucks I got the Ol' Bait N Switch. I realized that the person I HAD SUPPOSEDLY MET wasn't the one on the pic. I just left the place.
Second person on there also came into contact and emailed me a little, same thing talked online, then phone, and finally met and they dropped the "I've got 3 kids from different daddy's and they should be treated as yours when WE have ours"...Jeeez that was the end of that.
Third woman I met on there right away emailed me and just asked me for money and stuff like that.

It was a heck of a experience and I'm not going to try for anything more on POF. That's just MY experience with it, I don't know if its in the area I'm in here or what, but it isn't worth it.
 
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