How to profile to find a widow as a match


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LookinUp is offline LookinUp Post #1  October 23,2009, 10:26pm
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Hi, I want to find a widow as a match. How can I bias my matching toward this specific marital status? I dont see it in my preferences. I am adding the word "widow" to my About Me - is there anything else I can do?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  October 24,2009, 6:21am
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eHarmony views all unmarried as the same. There is no preference settings to filter on Single - never married, Widowed or Divorced.

I would be happy to send you all the widows that I get I honestly cannot fathom why you would want to even bother with dating a widow. Let alone want to specifically seek them out.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  October 24,2009, 2:23pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I honestly cannot fathom why you would want to even bother with dating a widow.
Well that seems a bit harsh.

wrote :
Let alone want to specifically seek them out.
OK, that I can agree with.
 
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annj49 is offline annj49 Post #4  October 24,2009, 11:16pm
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Can someone please tell me what's wrong with wanting to find someone who has also been through the process of grief over the loss of a spouse? Since I have, I can identify with someone who has, and feel they can also identify with me. It kinda sounds like some of you here feel that widows, widowers, are lepers......? We are just people with the same desires and needs to be recognised....and maybe wanting to connect with like minded people? Is there really something amiss with that? Sorry, but reading this kind of response to what was a simple question about marital status bugs me somewhat.....
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  October 24,2009, 11:58pm
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I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to seek out someone who has gone through a similar experience as you have. I disagree with eHarmony's decision that all unattached people are deemed "single"... I think they ought to list whether you are never-married, divorced, or widowed, for the very reason you have posted.

My condolences on the loss of your husband, and I do hope you make a connection with a like-minded man.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #6  October 25,2009, 4:59am
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I think the reaction here is to the implicit suggestion that anyone other than a widow wouldn't be "good enough". Not that that's the intention, but it may hit a few sore spots for those who are divorced (tainted goods) or never married (what's the matter with you that no one's interested?).

I can understand the appeal of common experience. That's one of the reasons I was looking for someone within a few years of my own age: I wanted someone old enough to remember JFK's death, but not so old as to had fought in the Korean War. That eliminated a lot of the guys EH would have sent my way.

To the OP: You can add to your profile that you prefer not to communicate with divorcees and never-marrieds. That way they can close you out with no fanfare, filtering themselves, so to speak.
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #7  October 25,2009, 5:17am
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I am making a guess here, it may well be a that for some freedom to marry is limited to either never married or widowed. For me, my preference would be for a man who had been widowed, but I am not so exclusive as to eliminate divorced men. It would just complicate the issue if marriage were to come up.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  October 25,2009, 5:32am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I honestly cannot fathom why you would want to even bother with dating a widow. Let alone want to specifically seek them out.
Having been both divorced and widowed, I feel I am more than qualified to say.....

I honestly cannot fathom why you would want to say such a hurtful thing to anyone, widowed or not!

To generalize about people, whether widowed, divorced, or never married at all.....Well, that is never a safe thing to do. And, as we can see here, it can be very hurtful, indeed.

It takes a truly Great Guy to be able to see people as the truly unique individuals we all are.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  October 25,2009, 8:50am
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annj49 wrote :
Can someone please tell me what's wrong with wanting to find someone who has also been through the process of grief over the loss of a spouse? Since I have, I can identify with someone who has, and feel they can also identify with me. It kinda sounds like some of you here feel that widows, widowers, are lepers......? We are just people with the same desires and needs to be recognised....and maybe wanting to connect with like minded people? Is there really something amiss with that? Sorry, but reading this kind of response to what was a simple question about marital status bugs me somewhat.....
I will answer your question along with that of j0hn8andy.

It has nothing to with the loss of a spouse or grief. I have only known one widow who was EVER ready to move on to any kind of relationship with another man. And I have known a LOT of widows over the years. I do not believe that this same situation is quite as prevalent with widowers though I have known far fewer widowers and have not known many who ever pursued forming another relationship.

The reason that I have formed the opinion that I stated is that I have been burned too many times dating widows. Burned really bad.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  October 25,2009, 8:56am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Having been both divorced and widowed, I feel I am more than qualified to say.....

I honestly cannot fathom why you would want to say such a hurtful thing to anyone, widowed or not!

To generalize about people, whether widowed, divorced, or never married at all.....Well, that is never a safe thing to do. And, as we can see here, it can be very hurtful, indeed.

It takes a truly Great Guy to be able to see people as the truly unique individuals we all are.
And it takes an extraordinary woman to look at a man for the individual that he is and not as her late husband. I have only known one woman that could ever do that. I have been burned too many times, even as stupid as I am I eventually learn to stay away from things that are going to hurt me.
 
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