PieFace is offline PieFace Post #1  October 21,2009, 6:03pm
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Signing on to eHarmony was a very big step for me. It's been 5 years since the death of my husband so I decided why not. I'm ready to start dating and maybe just get to know someone.. being friends. So I took a really BIG step and sent out 3 ice breakers and not 1 person responded I mean how rude... all a person want to do is get to know you... If you don't like something in the profile just say so. We are adults right? I'm a big girl so I'll just go to the next match. But I really think it's rude when a person doesn't reply. You don't have to reply but it would be nice. Answer the ice breaker or close the match... something. Maybe I'm looking at eHarmony wrong. Any advice would help.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #2  October 21,2009, 6:15pm
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First, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 6 years ago. My mother remarried WAY too soon, really regretting it. Take your time. Enjoy life.
You have to remember that many of matches are non members. Add to that the percentage that might already be in conversation with multiple other matches.
If I were overly cynical, I might even point out that "gone are the days that you are a hot little thing that guys are jumping through hoops to be with .... time to see how the other side lives" The dating world has changed a lot in the last 10-20 years.
While so many more people are available, not all are perfect and I already have an incredible girlfriend.
Two rules:
1: Don't worry about the little things
2: Everything is little
Last edited by olneyjeeps; October 21,2009 at 6:18pm.
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #3  October 21,2009, 6:18pm
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Pie Face,

The no closers are one of my biggest aggravations! I actually put somewhere on my profile, I think in the "what I am looking for" section, after some NICE things "I desire conversation of what you want in a relationship, may or may not lead to forever, but TALK or close me please! I promise I won't cyber stalk you or ask for signed contracts."

Keep in mind some of the non closers aren't even active. Just close them, and go on!

I am sorry for you loss, but know you had that love....It doesn't end just because they leave the earth, it's eternal.
 
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PieFace is offline PieFace Post #4  October 21,2009, 6:33pm
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Thanks so much for the encouragement. I will not worry about the little things. This is a big step for me. I thought at one point I would never want to be with anyone else. Never thought my heart had room for another man...But my heart has been made larger I'll be patience and give eHarmony a try... TraceyBluebird I'll just close out and move on
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #5  October 21,2009, 6:39pm
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PieFace wrote :
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I will not worry about the little things. This is a big step for me. I thought at one point I would never want to be with anyone else. Never thought my heart had room for another man...But my heart has been made larger I'll be patience and give eHarmony a try... TraceyBluebird I'll just close out and move on
If nothing else, I really like the personality profile, and discovered what a GREAT person I am!

Really, PieFace, you know what love IS! I was married to someone I thought was forever, and this person became someone I didn't know because of never dealing with his demons. But still, I thought that was Mr. Forever. That's a death in a sense, but empty, no love remains.

It's so terrific you are feeling that heart again...I am too....We can navigate this together and laugh about it!

Tracy
 
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reddecorator is offline reddecorator Post #6  October 21,2009, 6:55pm
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Sorry for your loss...but it sounds like after 5 years...you are ready to re-enter the "world of dating"...you should be VERY PROUD of yourself! Since I am also on this same journey...all I can say is...stay TRUE to who you are and do not let some "bumps" on the road de-rail you from your final destination. Personally, I do not find "ice-breakers" to be an effective way of communication and no longer use them...you might want to review your first questions...since "nothing is carved in stone"...change them up...why not...as long as they are questions important to you. Stay the course...YOU are worth it!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 21,2009, 7:14pm

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Hi PieFace,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice!

I’m really sorry that you haven’t felt rewarded for your efforts yet. I sure hope that changes very soon!

Be encouraged – it sounds as if you started not that long ago. I don’t want to make light of your step to send those Icebreakers, because I feel that was a significant move on your part, considering what you are going through. I hope it might help to put it into perspective, though – people here will tell you that they’ve sent out a lot more than three and been ignored quite a bit more than that. It also occurs to me that depending on the kind of matches you are communicating with, or what they and you are looking for, sending an Icebreaker is a “lighter” way to begin communication. It is possible (though not certain) that some matches could perceive sending an Icebreaker as someone who doesn’t want to get more involved or someone who is just flirting (not that that is necessarily the case with you).

We at eHarmony agree with you that closing the match if there is no interest is a much more courteous approach than just letting it sit there. However, many members have expressed that they actually feel that closing is “rude”. Getting closed by a match isn’t fun, but it’s also a necessary part of a process where you are ultimately looking for one special person. I have also seen My Matches pages loaded with unviewed or unclosed matches for whatever reason – they may be already focusing on other matches, they may be busy, on vacation, etc.

eHarmony on the whole tends to be a slower process, and some members are very selective because they are thinking seriously. We actually encourage people to be open and communicate with any match whose profile doesn’t reveal a deal-breaker off the bat. But people tend to proceed as they feel comfortable.

Congratulations for just getting out there. I am sure that it will pay off as you persist at your own pace. I hope you will find support through the eHarmony Advice community, too.

Sincerely,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #8  October 22,2009, 4:13am
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If you are a paying member, don't waste your time with icebreakers. Just go ahead and send the first questions to matches if you are interested in communicating.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #9  October 22,2009, 5:10am

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MicMan wrote :
If you are a paying member, don't waste your time with icebreakers. Just go ahead and send the first questions to matches if you are interested in communicating.
I agree with MicMan..

It also helps to read what that matches communication prefernence is.
If a match prefers guided communication(GC),Then send 1st questions. If they prefer fast track(FT), then send an email.

I would also suggest to you to take emotions out of e-dating process. If a match does not respond or closes you, don't take it personally. A large majority of your matches are going to be non-paying members anyways. Who can only respond on Free Communication Weekends(FCW).

Other non-responsive paying members maybe busy with their lives or have two many matches in communication at one time. I would keep them open for a certain period of time.(2 weeks tops) I'd rather leave my options open then close out a potential match.

So don't hesitate to send those 1st question or fast track request to any of your matches. The icebreakers are somewhat frowned upon by most paying members of eH..

Good luck with your e-dating expierence. Stick around theses boards and read some of the new and old threads. It's a great tool to learn. how to succeed in the e-dating world.
 
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PieFace is offline PieFace Post #10  October 22,2009, 9:52am
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Thanks to each of you for the advice. It has been very helpful. Look forward to connecting with my matches.
 
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