Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Lookingandlooking Lookingandlooking is offline
Lookingandlooking's Avatar

Lookingandlooking is having some fun this weekend!

Newbie

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 33

See profile

I got a match today and the match wrote in his profile that he would not post photos for "personal and professional" reasons. He also said that he would be happy to exchange photos in email or IM.

I am ruling out that maybe eha has matched me up with someone superfamous, but what are some reasons that someone would not want to post their photo? Can you think of any normal reasons?

I can come up with sceptical reasons all on my own. Right now all I can think of is that they are on the FBI's most wanted list or that this is some scam to get my email address...

I live in the DC/Metro area- it's possible that they have a top secret security job.
- October 16th, 2009, 08:01 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
Bluemay2 Bluemay2 is offline
Bluemay2's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 76

See profile

Some reasons I think of when I see such a statement: insecure, in the public eye (spokesperson, reporter, etc..), not really single, scammer.
- October 16th, 2009, 07:31 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is offline
Sassafras54's Avatar

Sassafras54 has decided to be more hopeful.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 764

See profile

If he's on the level, it could be he's a celebrity, he's in public office, whatever ... and he fears stalkers or his photo going all over the internet/tabloids or something.

It could be he has some facial deformity? and prefers not to show photo's right off the bat?

It could be he's unusually shy or fearful? Has had terrible internet experiences? Is paranoid?

One poster here said he got a photo-less match who turned out to be unusually beautiful and didn't want to display that. You could hope for that!

Who knows! I don't think you have to use your real email with him to exchange photos, right? Use eH's secure email and/or get a Yahoo account.

If you get into communication with him, maybe just be more than average cautious!
- October 17th, 2009, 11:25 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
pussinboots pussinboots is offline
pussinboots's Avatar

pussinboots is sitting next to the bearded randy geezer to discuss head transplants

Pacesetter

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 384

See profile

I had a match very recently who promised in her profile she would provide a photo once she heard from [a match], but she never did, even though we got all the way through to start OC. [By the way, she only had a letter [her first?] for her name.

I got tired of this game and closed her.
- October 17th, 2009, 12:00 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Renee eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline
eH_Advice_Host_Renee's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 519

See profile

Dear Lookingandlooking,

As you can see, there are some legitmate reasons why a match may not want to post a photo to their profile. Because of where you live, their profession may certainly be one! Sometimes a member lives in a small town and doesn't want to post a photo for privacy purposes, and, like Sassafras54 shared, some attractive members choose not to post photos because they are looking for someone who is really interested in their inner qualities.

If the only reason you aren't communicating with a match is because they don't have a photo posted, I encourage you not to let that keep you from proceeding. You can always send a photo nudge, and sometimes members just needs a little time to post a photo on their profile. Also, before you get to Open Communication, you have the opportunity to ask your match why they haven't posted a photo and if one will be available once you reach Open Communication. Then depending on their answer, you can decide to continue communicating or not.

If you should get to the Open Communication stage and your match is willing to share their photo, but for some reason you are still leary about sharing your e-mail address, to be on the safe side, you may want to consider Sassafras54's suggestion to open a new e-mail account just for that purpose.

However, if you suspect that someone is really trying to get your e-mail address for other purposes, before you do anything further, please contact us know. We take member match concerns seriously and will always investigate a matter on your behalf. You can e-mail your concerns to matchconcerns@eharmony.com.

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
- October 17th, 2009, 06:48 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

heisall heisall is offline
heisall's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 7

See profile

I had a match that did not post a picture. I liked her profile and started communication. After we made it to OC we set up a time and place to meet. I was really excited to meet her. I arrived to our location and look around, she knew what I looked like from my picture. Finally a lady came up to me and said my name. I was shocked, but stayed calm and friendly. She was about 290 pounds more than I could handle. She said she wanted me to get to know her for who she was, not how she looked. I told her that chemistry still played a big part in the attraction of a couple. I told her I thought she was a great person, it was nice to meet her, but there was no chemistry. I assured her there were a lot of men out there that prefer the large type of person. I wished her the best of luck in her search. Before we parted she told me I was a shallow minded s___ head. Never again will I respond to a match without a photo. Call me shallow, but I know what kind of woman I am attracted to. I have a shaved head and a lot of women have closed me because they are not attracted to bald men. I have no problem with that, they know what they are looking for.
- October 17th, 2009, 07:25 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,311

See profile

My personal opinion is that I have my photo posted so they can see me. Fair's fair. No photo = no communication from me.

I get many matches that have no photo posted. I send a Photo Nudge first. Every now and then someone will respond and post a photo. More often than not they are attractive though I have never had one that turned out to be top model beautiful, but I still thought they were hot.

If someone won't post a photo for "personal and professional reasons" I would say that they really have no business being on a dating site.

However, this line in your post "He also said that he would be happy to exchange photos in email or IM." is screaming s camme r to me.
- October 17th, 2009, 08:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,311

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
If he's on the level, it could be he's a celebrity, he's in public office, whatever ... and he fears stalkers or his photo going all over the internet/tabloids or something.
Like if he is a celebrity or in office his photo is not all over everywhere already?!

 It could be he has some facial deformity? and prefers not to show photo's right off the bat?

It could be he's unusually shy or fearful? Has had terrible internet experiences? Is paranoid?

One poster here said he got a photo-less match who turned out to be unusually beautiful and didn't want to display that. You could hope for that!

Who knows! I don't think you have to use your real email with him to exchange photos, right? Use eH's secure email and/or get a Yahoo account.

If you get into communication with him, maybe just be more than average cautious!
Comment in red above.
- October 17th, 2009, 08:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,311

See profile

eH_Advice_Host_Renee wrote :
Dear Lookingandlooking,

As you can see, there are some legitmate reasons why a match may not want to post a photo to their profile. Because of where you live, their profession may certainly be one! Sometimes a member lives in a small town and doesn't want to post a photo for privacy purposes, and, like Sassafras54 shared, some attractive members choose not to post photos because they are looking for someone who is really interested in their inner qualities.
...
All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
It doesn't matter what kind of "inner qualities" someone has, if I don't want to wake up next to them then it just ain't gonna work
- October 17th, 2009, 08:46 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 959

See profile

eH_Advice_Host_Renee wrote :
some attractive members choose not to post photos because they are looking for someone who is really interested in their inner qualities.
I see. That seems clear enough. In theory.

But in practice, every match I had who hid her pictures, turned out to be frighteningly unattractive. "Inner qualities", indeed.

DO NOT HIDE YOUR PICTURES. NOTHING GOOD CAN RESULT FROM IT.
- October 17th, 2009, 08:56 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« I am not a player and hate multiple communication what to do? | Array | Two matches start questions with me. Week later never heard from them. Stuck on 2 »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Multiple Closing Reasons Wonderwoman402 Using eHarmony 15 October 18th, 2009 07:07 am
Posting Better Photos eharmonyadvice Using eHarmony 40 September 4th, 2009 11:39 pm
Posting Photos ? luvmyptcruiser Using eHarmony 2 September 2nd, 2009 06:56 am
I apologize to those I affended, but we all have stupid reasons for not dating! Ladyjuju Dating 59 August 8th, 2009 09:22 am
Uploading Photos Problem SouthernSweetie85 Using eHarmony 4 August 1st, 2009 08:35 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ He knows the abuse wasn't sexual, and he knows I am not gay or bisexual.” – charity8987

Join the “Argh, screwed up with new guy.” discussion

“my dream color is medium red brown with auburn tones” – jtwark

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“all, or most of my matches lately have been people that never reply to the first step of communication or their profile says to contact them on facebook. it seems to me that these profiles are people ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “matches dont respond/their profile says contact them on face book” discussion

“sounds like things are going great! i'd suggest that you just keep doing whatever it is you are doing. and don't sweat the little things.” – notyet

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“"Billed in one installment of $239.40" means, "Billed once for $239.40." Pardon me for saying this, but if I had less than $40 in my bank account, buying an eHarmony subscription will be the least ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “eHarmony payment plans” discussion

“ Call them!” – Coca-Cola

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“It appears the OP hasn't participated in EhA since she login and posed her question initially. We all come to these advise boards with so many different backgrounds...in fact I wrote another post on ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“Darn..is that it..the first sign of awkwardness and kapowie/ shoot the relationship down.Here we haver 2 introverts without, apparently, heaps of experience, looking not for a way to end it, but for ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:20 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0