Honest Question: Does Eharmony work for Black women?


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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #41  March 8,2010, 3:03pm
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Somethingtosay wrote :
I am African American and new to EH. I have received a lot of matches but most I assume are not paying customers because they do not respond to first set of questions. I receive more responses from white men than black men. I have been in communications with two black men and neither seemed like starting a relationship was on the top of their list.



I am being more open to other races because they way things are going I don't think my "husband" will be a black man. I'm sorry to say the other races seemed to be more open and are actually looking for a person to grow with instead of a perfectly made woman to feel some man's fantasy. Good look girlfriend!
All I can give here is what I have seen as a typical 35 year old white guy on EHarmony up here in the Twin Cities.

My settings for Race are specified for "Any"

Even with those settings, I get probably 80% white, 10% asian, 5% black, and 5% everything else.
(I guess that does say something about race up here in Minnesota...)

Of those 5% black Matches I get, I probably initiate to perhaps 75% of them that have a Photo.

(It does seem like there are a lot of black women that do not post their Photos though... I am not really sure why this is...)

What I have noticed is that most (all) of the black women generally don't reply.
Is it because they aren't paying members?
Or perhaps they made a mistake in their Profile, and didn't really want to get matched with white guys?

Hard to say...
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #42  July 25,2010, 12:05pm
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sexyme13 wrote :
This is a very honest heartfelt question....does eharmony work for Black women? It seems to me that only success stories I see are from nice, decent looking to very attractive Caucasian people. I see quite a few interracial couples (Black men and and other races other than Black, which is fine.) and I'm not saying that there are'nt any matches or success stories, I just havent heard of many or seen them on here...maybe 3...

But I am not convinced at this point that this site works for a Black women. I haven't communicated with anyone since I have been on here, which has been 6 months...I do have my options open to other races and still nothing...majority of my matches are from people who aren't paying members, matches of Black men are very slim, and with those few, there isn't any chemistry for me....and there are a lot of matches I receive of White men, and sometimes it's the same thing or the match is closed. I am an attractive woman with good qualities...but I am starting to think I am wasting my time and money. Maybe this site isn't structured for me as a Black woman...
So, I was just wonder if I could get some feed back to if there have been some nice match ups, communications or even dates for Black women on eharmony...just to get some insight, before I cancel my time here.
Please someone help me out...give me some good news, prove me wrong! Lol!
It seems to be working fine, it's just that you're making too big a deal out of "chemistry".
 
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ovadia is offline ovadia Post #43  February 16,2011, 8:37pm
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I sent this message to an e-harmony employee recently. Disclaimer I am open to any race or ethnicity but I do have a preference.

Hello: I wanted to make a suggestion about the ethnicity/race part of the self profile, particularly the designation that you refer to as "African-American". Not all Blacks are African American. I like many other blacks who use your site are black, but not African American. This is especially true in large cities and for a large portion of the Black population in the US. I am Caribbean and prefer a partner who is culturally Caribbean. African American is a specific black culture and not all blacks are included in this definition. The black race spans several very different cultures. An African American from Alabama, Muslim Nigerian, or Afro-Brazilian have just as much in common with each other as they would with any other non-black group. Furthermore when referring to Hispanics the ethnic options specifies white (non-Hispanic) but not Black (non-Hispanic). Latin America has a large black (of African decent) population ie Afro-Cuban, Afro-Columbian or Afro-Puerto Rican (which is my mother's ethnicity) etc. and this is an important distinction to make. Also if the service is meant to be international it is worth noting that African-Americans represent but a fraction of the global black population even if you exclude Africa. The West Indies, Europe and Latin America have a much larger population than the US. My suggestion is to change the designation from African-American to "Black (non-hispanic). Also an option should be "hispanic of any race" since hispanic is an ethnicity and not a race and then give the option to choose a race. If the race black is chosen then their should be an option for sub-categories: African American, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-European, West African, East African, Central Afr, South Afr, Other Afr. (Afro-Latino would be covered if one selected hispanic and then black as the race). It would also be useful to allow people to choose more than one race. Most blacks in Canada or Europe are ethnically African or Caribbean so those 2 really wouldn't need to be included. It would also be a good idea to allow for the country selection for hispanics. I am not suggesting that every ethnic break down be provided for each race but this is a particularly glaring generality that makes a very large difference to a large consumer base. Most of my Caribbean friends would prefer a Caribbean partner but not an African American one. This is also true for many Africans and vice versa for African Americans. This change would be a vast improvement in customization capabilities and give the site much more appeal for ethnicities who find in hard to meet compatible mates. Thank you.
 
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anla1974 is offline anla1974 Post #44  February 17,2011, 7:51am
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I am a black woman, african american, whatever you want to call it. I could easily go there and say, oh, this doesn't really work for black women. However, I would be so wrong. It is just me. With the way this site matches people I'm finding out somethings about me. First, I'm way too picky because one of these guys (white or black--haven't gotten any foreigners) has to be good. Second, I'm a dumb dater and I really don't undertand relating to men. Third, this is just hard. I don't know what I'm doing and I don't seem to be learning.

I've been on eharmony 6 months and I've only met up with 2 people. Made the very foolish mistake of putting one guy on hold (a guy I did like and who seemed mature and smart) to date one of the people I met and it didn't even last a month. Why did I do it...because I met him first and he was cute. Stupid mistake, but more stupid is that I went back to the guy and was "honest" about why he hadn't heard back from me in 3 weeks minus that the other guy was just cute. Sounds like a right thing to do, but really how must he had felt. 433 matches, I know I haven't looked at them all. No where near, so I'm guessing only a few of those 433 have actually looked at me. I try not to write to men because lets face it, if a man likes you, he'll take the lead. I'm old fashioned and I prefer that.

Both the guys I met in person seemed really weird in person, but I think it is more so the where I'm from verses where they are from. The two I've met were white. I've dated white guys when I was younger, but these were small town guys. It wasn't their color. Not an actual match for me. I haven't met any black guys in person yet. I'm not attracted to the ones I've seen on here--that's just being honest. I am not attracted to most of the white guys that write me on here. So its not them...its me. I don't think I need to narrow myself and date a man I'm not attracted to but perhaps I can find a way to be more open to initiating more actively with men that I like. Perhaps those guys don't find me attractive--not possible really (LOL) but who knows or they get so many women that you become just one more. I think worrying about race will just make you crazy with EVERYTHING else like everything I just said that has to be worked on and through to find that special someone that we all pray is out there.
 
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1913travelchic is offline 1913travelchic Post #45  February 21,2011, 1:03pm
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Note: I used to post under travelchic1913 but somehow got locked out of my account.

I'm also a Black/ AA woman and wanted to make sure to weigh in on this thread. I've been on eHarmony a little under a month and I have had a lot of success thus far. I am very selective IRL and on eHarmony and I have still managed to go on 3 dates from the website within one month (all with black men). I get matches of all races and I am open to all races however I just haven't came across anyone outside my race that I want to date yet.

I only communicate with people that I find interesting AND attractive (so sue me...I don't care). Contrary to what people state on here, you don't have to respond to every Tom, Dick, & Harry to get dates. IMO, taking that route will only frustrate you.

Granted, I've only been at it a month, so I don't have any marriage proposals or anything to post about but I am very happy with the results that I've gotten. I could definitely see myself being in a relationship with some of the guys that I've been matched with.

This could have something to do with my location/age group etc... At any rate, I think you should try to be positive and keep at it. Also continue trying to meet people IRL as well. He's out there! I'm not sure if you are a fan of Patty Stanger but if so, read her book. It gives excellent tips on how/where to meet men.

I know it's hard to not internalize all the statistics that we (black women) get beat over the head with everyday about their not being enough black men. I know that my man is out there... I've seen too many of my friends get married (who are no different than me) so if they can find their match then so can I. I think attitude makes all the difference.

By the way, I don't fit ANY of the stereotypes that guy posted above. I'm childless, I have a career, a graduate degree, no kids, not overweight and I'd like to think I'm attractive.
 
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1913travelchic is offline 1913travelchic Post #46  February 21,2011, 1:13pm
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Double Post
Last edited by 1913travelchic; February 22,2011 at 5:14am. Reason: duplicate
 
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mekaone is offline mekaone Post #47  July 23,2011, 12:01pm
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After my eharmony account expires, I will never use this service again. I usually date non black men and in real life they are very attracted to me. On Eharmony, no one white or black replies to me. I used Match.com and I got emails from at least three guys per day(all who were not black). I don't know if there is a trend of discrimination against black women on this site but I will not use it again.
 
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BabyYoda is online now BabyYoda Post #48  July 24,2011, 3:45am
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mekaone wrote :
After my eharmony account expires, I will never use this service again. I usually date non black men and in real life they are very attracted to me. On Eharmony, no one white or black replies to me. I used Match.com and I got emails from at least three guys per day(all who were not black). I don't know if there is a trend of discrimination against black women on this site but I will not use it again.
I wonder if you even want to date Black men? Lol

B.Y.
 
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