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notjustamuse notjustamuse is offline
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He and I have exchanged email addresses and have been getting to know each other. We won't be able to meet for another month or two due to our travel schedules. My concern is that since we started open communication, I'm the one who asks the questions. He closes out an email with nothing for me to reply to. He'll ask me to answer the same questions that I've asked him but for the last couple of exchanges, he simply answers my questions and closes with something like 'I look forward to our next communication'. How does this open communication work? If I'm bored already, do I just close him? I have been in extended open communication before and the conversation was always stimulating, however, that guy turned out to be a bit dishonest. (But that's another story).

So what do I reply to if the content is minimal to nothing? Or is this an indication that I should close this match?
Last edited by notjustamuse; October 7th, 2009 at 02:07 am.
- October 7th, 2009, 02:04 am
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melman melman is offline
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What do you think? What is your instinct?

Yet another reason why the initial meeting simply must happen ASAP. Time works against you, your mind begins to imagine all sorts of things that may not be true at all in person.
- October 7th, 2009, 07:03 am
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YYsmiley YYsmiley is offline
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I guess some guys don't enjoy or like to write email. I have the same situtation with my OC party. I asked him frankly if he is not interested in chatting with me? If so, he could close me. Turned out that he is not what I think. But he sure has a difficulty to type out interesting things or write out intriguing topics.

He asked about what I think of a perfect date is. Now, he asked again for a meeting. I'm not very ready because I'm so scared of the silence scene or the no-more-second-date situtation lol

But I guess not everything works on what I plan. And, I'll probably see him as an acquaintance in coming week(s). I hope that you won't close your OC just because his reponse is short. Try to ask him frankly and discouver from there. Sometimes, people type/ write fluently could be a big liar. Look at our politicians.
- October 7th, 2009, 11:20 am
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline
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Hi Notjustamuse,

I would agree with Melman first that it’s important to listen to your own instincts – do you want to get to know this match over the phone? Or do you feel like calling it quits?

I would agree with YYSmiley that not all people communicate best through the written word. They feel more comfortable speaking.
It sounds like you and this particular match have “outgrown” Open Communication; you have exhausted the possibilities of what Open Communication can accomplish and maybe you’ll learn more over the phone or in person (if you both feel comfortable). You may want to test the waters and ask him how he would feel about that.

All the best,

~Kate
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- October 8th, 2009, 10:49 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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I can feel your pain. For the most part my matches (girls in case you couldn't figure that out) are the same as your guy. They have little or nothing to say and ask no questions.

From my own abilities I can write quite a bit in answer to specific questions. I don't do well with the "tell me about yourself" general question, I don't know what you would like to know. I don't do well talking on the phone, however I do pretty good talking on IM voice. And in person I am usually the Energizer bunny at conversation.
- October 8th, 2009, 11:20 am
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notjustamuse notjustamuse is offline
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Well, most recently, I asked about what happened between he and his ex wife. She had anger management problems and took their young son with her when she left. Apparently she wanted him to change: his mother was too controlling, she wanted him to renounce his faith... she was angry and sometimes physically angry. That was a red flag for me because in spite of what the reality may have been, I make sure that I assume whatever responsibility I can when asked about what went wrong between my daughter's father and I. There are a lot of things that I COULD say about him but I don't because, really, there's no point. I made the choice to be in the relationship so why place all the blame on him? Additionally, I wonder what could really make a woman so angry that she would become violent. Call me sexist but it's hard to believe the story. Prior to this, I had no 'instinct', just a little boredom and frustration. He did answer quite well the questions that I asked him in decent paragraph sizes and with decent grammar and occasional misspellings. But the conversation starters were left to me because he rarely asked questions in return other than 'could you answer the same questions you've asked'. I'm leaning towards 'OVER'.
- October 9th, 2009, 08:11 am
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theweave theweave is offline
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I am in the opposite situation. My match is more interested in exchanging messages and not talking on the phone. I am a more talk on the phone person, you get to know someone a lot better.

But since we just got into OC, I am letting it go for now. Eventually I want to talk to her on the phone and than meet her. That is the way that I go.

I agree though, go with your gut, it is usually right.
- October 9th, 2009, 09:26 pm
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