What exactly am I getting with eHarmony?

...

Before I address your concerns regarding the lack of communication you are experiencing, johnsmith3487, I have to comment on a "statistic" that has been circulating around the boards lately that 90% of the matches you will receive from eHarmony members are non-paying members. There is no concrete foundation for that statistic! If someone can provide their source for this "statistic," please do so.

Renee,

This is a case where the perception is more important than the reality. A lot feel like 95% of our matches are not responding when we want them to so therefore 90% must be unpaid and unable to respond. (We know there are some, therefore, our feeling of 90% must be correct!)

This "meme" is going to continue to exist and circulate (and will be unkillable) until EH implements a flag that at least points out the fact that a potential match is non-paid.

The point i was trying to make with my post is that this site works differently for everyone, even those that live close together. There are so many factors we don't know about in matching that the two similar people is likely to have totally different matching experiences. Because of that random factor, you can't take one person's word that this place is a rip off vs. someone else's word that it works and is a godsend.

My first attempt, I got rejected.

A couple years after that, I retook the test. I joined and had very little success like a lot of people. I didn't feel like I "wasted" my money,. I just saw it as a gamble to see if i can meet someone off this site, and i was willing to sacrifice that $100.00 bucks to see if anything happened. I could have met someone at the gym, or off of Craigs list, or any other services out there. I picked EH, gave it a shot, and was mediocre about it. After 2 months, I wasn't too terribly impressed and already made the decision to cancel my subscription. No hard feelings, just not feeling it. At the time, I didn't know about the non-subscribers. But fortunately for me, one of the last matches i initiated communication, we continued to see each other after my subscription lapsed.

2 years later, I found myself single again and said, hey, its been a while, lets see what EH can do. Because of my last experience with EH, i actually marked the 3 month subscription end on my calendar because I KNEW I was only giving EH 3 months and thats it. My profile was the same. I'm 2 years older. This time, I was wildly successful. I ended up dating 3 different people at the same time, something I have NEVER done in my life. I had others in maybe 3 more in consistent OC and my life was indeed hectic.

Same profile, same place, different time, wildly different results.

Its this random factor that makes this like a lottery. You don't get upset if you don't win the lottery. You just accept it, decide its not for you and move on. Or try again and see if luck changes things.

This site manages people. People are unpredictable. You don't know if the person on the other end doesn't respond because they are non-subscribers, thinks you're a freak, busy, seeing 10 people at the same time, is a freak, a scammer, stupid, computer died, etc, etc, etc. All you get on your end is a blinking cursor with no activity. If that happens to you more often then not, take responsibility, make the decision in your head that this is a waste of your money and do not re-subscribe.

The ads and such, are exactly that. Advertisement. Marketing. They are catering to what you want. What you want is to meet that potential mate that you can spend the rest of your life with. But in reality, what can EH physically do for you? They just introduce you to one another. Both sides have to agree to talk. Both sides have to find one another attractive. If one side doesn't because they're not paying, or they don't feel you, who's fault is that, EH?

Yes, you can do this ANYWHERE. EH is just a vehicle for that and you can probably do the same thing for free elsewhere. They market the possibility of meeting your soulmate, but nowhere do they guarantee that meeting, because thats impossible. They cannot predict how you will react. They cannot predict how your match will react. EH is just guessing.

From what i read, every dating site is the same in one fashion or another. Its this whole randomness where you email total strangers in hopes of finding a potential mate. You pay for the access in hope of getting lucky (no pun intended). Some do, some don't.

But the ultimate responsibility is always the consumer. You choose to spend, or not to spend. Caveat Emptor, let the buyer beware.

Well after reading Johnsmith3487 I don't think I really want to subscrib to eharmoney, it doesn't sound all it's cracked to be if you will excause the expression. and to pay $100.00 dollars for it. maybe he could just stay on this free advise thing they have here and talk to people or find someone that way. thanks for your advise
Magonagle

Hi Everyone,

Before I address your concerns regarding the lack of communication you are experiencing, johnsmith3487, I have to comment on a "statistic" that has been circulating around the boards lately that 90% of the matches you will receive from eHarmony members are non-paying members. There is no concrete foundation for that statistic! If someone can provide their source for this "statistic," please do so.

While we understand that some members may readily believe this because many of their matches are not communicating with them, as Melman stated, there is no way for you to know the status of a match's eHarmony account. That is, until they begin to communicate with you.

Just because a match isn't communicating does not mean that they aren't a paying member! While we encourage members to communicate with most if not all of their matches; unfortunately, not all members follow that advice. Also, while we inform members that the most courteous thing to do if you aren't interested in communicating with a match is to close the match; unfortunately, not all members not do this.

I have seen too many subscribed member's My Matches page where sometimes there is page after page of matches they have neither communicated with or closed!

johnsmith3487, it is understandable that you are anxious to receive communication from your matches. However, finding your special match on eHarmony does take patience. Has it been more than 7 days since you communicated with a match? If so, click on her name and send her a "Nudge." Then give your match another 7 days to respond before you consider closing the match. This will help you from making the mistake that many returning members say they made the first time on eHarmony -- closing matches too!

Of course, what drives communication is your About Me page and photos. If you haven't answered all the questions or most of your answers are on the sparse side, I encourage you to put some more time in developing your About Me page. Also, photos are an important part of your profile.

To ensure that your profile is all it can be, why not take advantage of the Profile Workshops and photo recommendations here on our Advice site? You can access both from the following links:

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...sted-here.html (eHarmony Profile Workshop Threads (Links listed here))
Dating advice message board

Please understand that, even when you are sure that you have created the best profile, it still does take time to find that special match. The reason we have 3-, 6-, and 12-month subscriptions is because, on average, successful members devoted 6 to 12 months to their search before they were successfully matched!

Also, don't forget that Customer Care is also available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support your success on our site. Whenever, you have questions or concerns, please make sure to e-mail Customer Care from the Help link located at the bottom of all our Singles site pages or by clicking here: http://help-singles.eharmony.com/.

From the FAQ page, click on any topic, and you will see an e-mail link. Once your e-mail is successfully sent, you will receive a confirmation number, and a Customer Care agent will be glad to follow up with you.

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host

eHarmony, or any other dating site / service is not going to drop your wife (or husband) into your lap.

I offer my personal experience based on nearly two years on eHarmony with almost 1700 matches. I make the calculations based on number of matches divided by number who communicate in any fashion. That would be actual responses, views or even closing.

And we would all like to see your data that refutes this experience and the same as many others that also report the same results. We would also like to see the data that eHarmony (you) spout about non-paying members joining because a paying member sent a communication.

Thank you or are you going to remove this post because someone called you on your data.