Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Bootsky Bootsky is offline
Bootsky's Avatar

Bootsky is wishing for good things to happen!

Quick Study

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 142

See profile

I was recently closed by a match whom I had started communication with with the reason "I have too much happening in my life at the moment." This reason seemed a little odd for me because if you are too busy/have to much going on, why would you still be active on eHarmony? Am I crazy for being bothered by this?

Has anyone been closed with this reason before? This was my first time.

Thanks!
- October 5th, 2009, 10:50 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
BuzWeaver BuzWeaver is offline
BuzWeaver's Avatar

BuzWeaver Researching the cure for liberalism

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2008

Posts: 1,269

See profile

After being on/off EH now for 5 yeas I don't really preoccupy myself with why people close. The responses, questions, closes and or general process is just that to me now, a process.

People get cold feet, are indecisive, may be waiting for a better match to respond, don't feel a 'connection', there could be any number of reasons. I don't sweat it. Most of the closes I get are Other, which could mean half a dozen things.
- October 5th, 2009, 10:59 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Comedian Comedian is online now
Comedian's Avatar

Comedian is busy with out-of-town company

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 377

See profile

I recently closed a bunch of matches with the "have to much stuff going on" reason. I also turned off matching. I honestly have too much going on to build a relationship right now! So maybe your match is just taking a break from dating?
- October 5th, 2009, 11:12 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
Bootsky Bootsky is offline
Bootsky's Avatar

Bootsky is wishing for good things to happen!

Quick Study

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 142

See profile

Comedian wrote :
I recently closed a bunch of matches with the "have to much stuff going on" reason. I also turned off matching. I honestly have too much going on to build a relationship right now! So maybe your match is just taking a break from dating?
Maybe you are right. I would have just thought they would have turned off matching and not bothered to respond. Maybe that was wrong on my part. Thank you!

As far as the other issue. I get that all the time and I try not to let it bother me. It's just that this reason was so specific.
- October 5th, 2009, 11:15 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
Thaliana1981 Thaliana1981 is offline
Thaliana1981's Avatar

Thaliana1981 Wonders if she's revealing too much about herself too quickly...

Newbie

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 37

See profile

I've had one close for this reason. We were in OC, and had been chatting for about a week, when something happened in his life.

He wrote me a very sweet message stating that something serious had come up, and he would not be able to focus on a relationship for at least a year, but thank you for the conversation, and whatnot. Unfortunately, he closed me before I could respond to his message with a "Hey, I don't know what it is, I haven't even met ya, but if you need a friend to go out with to forget about whatever serious thing just happened, let me know." (I had planned on writing a much more eloquent message than that).

I did send him a response to the closed message, so if things straighten out, he does have an opportunity to reopen. That's one of the only ones I've actually sent a final message to. I think I've been closed for every single reason out there in the eight weeks I've been on eh...
- October 5th, 2009, 11:19 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,325

See profile

I have been closed for this reason and most of the others as well. A close is a close, but some of the reasons do seem a bit odd.
- October 5th, 2009, 09:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

Truthfully, THE reason most matches are closed is for lack of physical attraction...
- October 5th, 2009, 10:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Comedian Comedian is online now
Comedian's Avatar

Comedian is busy with out-of-town company

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 377

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Truthfully, THE reason most matches are closed is for lack of physical attraction...
I know that this is true but how can somone judge if there is any physical attraction based on one or two photos. I think the "Other" close is the code word for I don't like the way you look. At least some people give you a lame excuse!
- October 7th, 2009, 01:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
eH_Advice_Host_Kate eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline
eH_Advice_Host_Kate's Avatar

Moderator

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 758

See profile

Hi Bootsky,

I’d agree with the people here who tend to lean toward the “don’t read into it.” As human beings, however, there’s bound to be a little “ouch” or just puzzlement with certain Closed messages. Truthfully, at this stage in the process, most people won’t disclose all that’s going on, so the Closed shouldn’t have so much weight. And these matches don’t have the ability to properly place a judgment on you at this level of knowledge about you. There’s no way that they can really know who you are.

I would have to disagree that “THE reason most matches are closed is for lack of physical attraction”. It may be the reason some people close matches, but from what I hear from all kinds of people, they have all kinds of reasons: distance is too great, they just went through a break up and haven’t recovered, they are going overseas, they are going through something, they feel one area isn’t compatible and don’t want to discuss it... Obviously, the list goes on and on.

I think leaving a final message in this case is a great idea, because the truth may be that he started to feel overwhelmed with the thought of getting into a relationship with all the other things happening in his life; through the process of communication, he realized that he wasn’t ready. If you send a final message, as Thailanda1981 said, you graciously leave the door open (or rather “unlocked”). This way, you’ve done your part and are free to move on. If he comes back to re-open the match later, you can re-explore that if it happens.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
- October 7th, 2009, 05:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
bigfincat bigfincat is offline
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,800

See profile

People may stay active on the site because they do want to find a relationship.

They can't always handle one even if they want & need one though.

He could very well have been honest with you.
- October 7th, 2009, 09:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« Response Time Frame | Array | eHarmony "Profile Advisor" service??? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
re-opening closed matches - by you or your match pussinboots Using eHarmony 7 September 4th, 2009 09:01 pm
Closed without communication passat1 Using eHarmony 2 August 3rd, 2009 01:28 pm
Is it worth it to re-open a match once you've closed it? M60W2 Dating 15 July 11th, 2009 06:47 pm
Closed by a non-match? SunnySmile2 Using eHarmony 8 July 11th, 2009 07:34 am
I Was in O.C. w/Match for 2 Weeks, Then She Closed Me! Why, I wonder...? Mr. Nice Guy Using eHarmony 6 May 26th, 2009 01:29 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Scott, I don't think eH likes the freeloaders to sneak in their alternate e-mail addresses as a way of getting around paying for their service so they deleted her profile. A lot of people probably ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“(Aside: could someone please define "tool" for me in the male/female relationship context? I've seen it used before here on eHA and not gotten an adequate feel for its meaning.)” – Iconography

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“duplicate” – Sassafras54

Join the “Why overshare?” discussion

“Why can't you talk to the girl the way you do her sister? What would be wrong with that? I'd definitely be able to talk with her this way....but I just have little opportunity to do so. We did ... ” – jayjay

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“Welcome. How does this work? - Well, you get matches and you send out requests for communication or you get requests for communication. If you are interested, you start communicating. You will get ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “I'm New after 22 years of Marriage, Help!!!” discussion

“I received a very nice e-mail at quarter till midnight. Again expressing her interest in another meeting. Do I try calling again this evening or wait until Monday? We are both going to be gone ... ” – Gr8Guyn2008

Join the “Just got home from first date... I think it went” discussion

“That is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. Ladies I am available to take you out on any night you would like to go out. And rest assured that if we go out on a Friday or Saturday that you are ... ” – stinkerbell

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“I wouldn't worry about "no flirting" and "not much positive body language" after just 2 dates. Some people are more demonstrative and some are more reserved. You said her eye contact was better on ... ” – Sassafras54

Join the “Third Date” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:16 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0