booklvr is offline booklvr Post #1  October 1,2009, 2:56pm
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A new match wanted to communicate with me, and we began the process....first questions filled with strong sexual overtures...softened with LOL. I'm not laughing. I closed him. He is 55 and I am 49, it is way too forward to make overtures in the getting to know you stage.
Am I nuts to be turned off by this?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #2  October 1,2009, 4:48pm
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Why do you doubt your instincts?
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #3  October 1,2009, 5:39pm
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I agree with you!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 1,2009, 6:01pm
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No you are not nuts to be turned off by this.behavior.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #5  October 1,2009, 6:10pm

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Dear booklvr,

One of the great things about Guided Communication is that if someone is absolutely not special-match material, you can discover that fairly quickly, close the match, and move on.

While we do encourage members to give a match the benefit of doubt, if they say something that may indicate that they aren't The One, by asking for clarificaion before deciding to close communication, we also encourage you to trust your instincts. If a match says something that you know doesn't work for you, closing communication is not only okay, but the appropriate thing to do. No sense wasting your time or his; right?

Though it may be interesting to know if other members would or would not have closed the match, that information really doesn't help you identify the person who is right for you. Therefore, like melman, I encourage you not to doubt your instincts.

One last thing. From your description and reaction to the match's "strong sexual overtures," am I correct in assuming that, while you didn't like his questions, his questions weren't entirely inappropriate?

If I'm not correct, I want to remind you that, anytime you have concerns about a match's behavior, we ask that you e-mail your concerns to matchconcerns@eharmony.com. We take such reports very seriously, and an account specialist will be glad to look into the matter and follow-up with you.

All the best,

-Renee
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YYsmiley is offline YYsmiley Post #6  October 2,2009, 9:38am
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Thats why I trust EH. Keep up with the good work Renee and Lori
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 6,2009, 9:02am
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You're not nuts. That guy's looking for someone with poor sexual boundaries, like his own. At least he lets you know up front!

If you wonder whether to report, report. Let eH figure it out. And forget him and move on.
 
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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #8  October 6,2009, 9:27am
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Were his remarks blatantly sexual or just playful innuendo? I don't mind a good naughty pun, as long as it wasn't too heavy. I think I would have given him another round of questions to classify his behavior, flirty or creepy.
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #9  October 6,2009, 3:18pm
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Dumb move on his part, but hey, you found out early.
 
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Desperate2009 is offline Desperate2009 Post #10  October 7,2009, 4:26am
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He’s being blatantly obvious about what he’s looking for, and as you said trying to soften this with humour. It’s not necessarily too ”forward,” it’s simply being honest, if a little crass. Presumably it’s not what you’re looking for? So yeah close him.
 
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