receiving interests from people with very incomplete profiles


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reenz is offline reenz Post #1  September 28,2009, 7:51pm
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I received 2 interests yesterday from men with very incomplete profiles. (I just changed my settings yesterday to show my photos to matches regardless of whether they have a photo on file or not, as I previously was only showing my photos to people who also had pictures. I figured opening it up to everyone would help people to start deleting me if they didn't feel the attraction, to make it easier to deal with my ever-growing match list and not knowing who to eliminate. In this way, it makes my work less... even though it's strange getting rejected by someone who knows what you look like, but whose face you never see.)

Anyway, it puts me in a weird position since my profile is very thorough and contains several pictures - and I received interests from men who have no picture and say practically nothing about themselves (only few word vague answers). They know a good deal about me from my profile, but I'm clueless about them. I'm honestly struggling to not judge them, but my first impression isn't very favorable. I would think they should understand the predicament I am in of being indecisive of them, not having any information about who they are. Would you accept communication from someone whom you have nothing to go off of?
Last edited by reenz; September 28,2009 at 7:58pm.
 
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Bluemay2 is offline Bluemay2 Post #2  September 28,2009, 8:17pm
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What kind of communication? Icebreaker, First 5Qs or Fastrack? I ask because generally, Icebreaker means a non-paying member who cannot communicate via GC or Fastrack. I'm unclear on whether these two matches had photos in their profile. For me, no photo = close. I have mine up and expect the same. I may send a photo nudge if I find his profile really intriguing. If it's short, generic and no photo, then definitely a close.

If the match has answered most of the questions in the "about me" section to a degree that piques my interest and has a photo posted, I will send the 5Qs or respond if he initiates communication. Some people are not good at writing so I give them the benefit of the doubt. (My profile is complete but I am a talker!) However, if the profile is very minimal/bare bones like he just signed up for the heck of it, I will simply close it.
Last edited by Bluemay2; September 28,2009 at 8:41pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  September 29,2009, 9:56am
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I am a little different than Bluemay2. If a match initiates by sending me First Questions then I will respond even if they have very little in their profile and / or no photo. Now if they have a photo, i hve closed a couple over the years that even though they had initiated they were just

Given my recent luck there is a very real chance that even though they were the one to initiate with First Questions, somewhere between the First Questions and meeting they are going to poof. So might as well respond because you just never know what the person is really like in person where it counts. Maybe they just don't write very well and that is why their profile has very little in it.

As for immediately closing a match for no photo. I send a photo nudge. If they then put up a photo I will go from there. If after a couple of months they still have not posted a photo I will then close. I have had a couple of matches close when I send the photo nudge. This is OK with me as I have my photo posted and if they feel that it is out of line for me to want to see what they look like then we have a basic compatibility problem anyway.
 
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Mylovely is offline Mylovely Post #4  September 29,2009, 5:41pm
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I feel that maybe some guys don't care to much as they choose to answer less than half of the thirteen questions. Why would they choose not to at least answer what they are looking for in a woman?Maybe they dont know. I also shows a lack of openness to me, not wanting to share of themselves. Brownie points to the guys who take the time and effort to answer all of the questions. They are not too hard after all.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  September 29,2009, 6:12pm
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I would send them the icebreaker that says something along the lines of "You seem interesting, why don't you fill out the rest of your profile?"

Generally, the GC process isn't that taxing that I wouldn't go along with it... at least until the longer 2nd questions... if they didn't have much filled out. Some people just plain aren't good at talking about themselves, or are completely new to the online dating process and don't know what to say.

If they haven't scared you off by 2nd questions, you could put at the end of one of your answers..."By the way, it would be nice to know a bit more about you. Could you fill out the rest of your profile?"
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  September 29,2009, 6:49pm

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Hi Reenz,

I can see why you would be tentative to communicate since they have a lot of information about you, while you’d sort of be walking in “blind”. The thing is, you may miss out on someone really great for you if you forego communicating. There could be some valid reasons why their About Me page is sparse – for example, maybe they just joined and haven’t had time to properly fill it out, or they communicate best through a means other than writing.

I love Wonderwoman402’s ideas – this is a very astute and creative way to use the eHarmony communication tools! It’s a great way to be open, and yet let your desire to see the same intentionality about the process on their side. The 2nd set of questions is a great time to get more acquainted and gather information. If you don’t like their answer, as Wonderwoman402 said, you don’t have to continue. It’s always best to be open till you know there’s no potential. At worst, you tried and ruled out a possibility, and at best you have gotten connected to someone amazing.

All the best,

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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #7  September 29,2009, 8:13pm
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I agree with both Wonderwoman and Kate. While I am of the school that how one fills out the profile is an indicator of how serious / what they were serious about, when I joined my profile was rather sparse. As I started interacting with matches, my profile grew in many places and decreased in others (found that too much info too quick was not good). Additionally (as I have pointed out in couple other threads) I used the "free form" answer option to point out concerns (ie no pic).

As far as the perils of being over "picky", I cannot emphasize how close I came to not sending questions to Laura, and then when responses were painfully slow I had all but given up.

I have since turned of matches, closed all matches (with letters or including explanation in "free form" answers to questions) and closed my EH account (paid through November) as I am deeply in love with Laura.

Keep an open mind. From another thread, but I think appropriate:

"I have not failed. I've just successfully found 10,000 ways that won't work. "
Overcoming Failure:
Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Perseverance, Persistence:
Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.


Wishing you equal success (not luck)!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  September 30,2009, 5:54am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I would send them the icebreaker that says something along the lines of "You seem interesting, why don't you fill out the rest of your profile?"

Generally, the GC process isn't that taxing that I wouldn't go along with it... at least until the longer 2nd questions... if they didn't have much filled out. Some people just plain aren't good at talking about themselves, or are completely new to the online dating process and don't know what to say.

If they haven't scared you off by 2nd questions, you could put at the end of one of your answers..."By the way, it would be nice to know a bit more about you. Could you fill out the rest of your profile?"
Isn't this what Open Communication is for?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  September 30,2009, 2:02pm

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Gr8guyn2008 -

I would say that you could send this message in either the 2nd set of questions or through Open Communication.

Since the 2nd set of questions provides opportunity to address something like this, it might be to everyone’s advantage if it’s called out earlier rather than later. The sooner the match is aware, the sooner they will complete their About Me page, and the sooner you (and their other matches) will have more information about them. It’s a win-win. You’re looking out for you and them.
 
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