Critique My Profile- How do I sound?


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Ajaxx is offline Ajaxx Post #1  September 28,2009, 5:54pm
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So far I have quite the hitless streak going. I have yet to openly communicate with anyone. I know the odds are small, but I'm getting jaded by the constant closed messages. Maybe I'm just fugly. Or maybe I sound too corny. Or both. I tried to create a somewhat unique profile but it doesn't seem to be working.

Honest feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

1. What are you most passionate about?

It's hard to choose only one thing but I'm passionate about music. I love that feeling of being whisked away by a song that really captures your thoughts and desires. A song like Led Zeppelin's "Going to California" or "Disarm" by the Smashing Pumpkins. Amazing.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?

1. Family/Friends. I'm very thankful for my family and friends. I recently became an uncle and there's nothing like the joy in a baby's fresh face.

2. Moments/Memories. I appreciate those sometimes trivial moments that turn into great memories. I try to savor the little things in life.

3. My inquisitive mind. I enjoy having the desire to learn and experience new things. I like to really ponder the world and our place in it.

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My sister has always been an important person in my life. I appreciate the guidance and support she's always provided.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

1. Loyal
2. Perceptive
3. Passionate
4. Genuine

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?

Creating romance in a relationship
Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

There are the givens: honesty, passionate, sense of humor, etc. I'm also looking for someone who is perceptive, insightful. Someone who appreciates the intangibles. I'm learning that life is about moments, moments that may seem meaningless, like dancing in the rain, falling asleep to rustling leaves, or a fiery sunset. I'm just looking for someone to share those moments with.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

Like many people, I'm typically shy when I meet someone. But it goes away as I get more comfortable around them. I can be quite a conversationalist when I'm with the right people(or just give me a few drinks).

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

That I can be very sarcastic. I like to tease and make fun of things(including myself). Life is too short to always be serious. It's nice to let that child within shine through and be whimsical every now and then.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

I enjoy walking and playing fetch with my golden retriever. I also like to play board/card games, especially strategy games. Just getting out and about; anything from going to a museum or show to playing mini-golf or tennis(but I really suck at tennis; I tend to hit a few too many "homeruns").

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

1. Family/Friends
2. Music
3. Computer
4. Nature
5. Dr. Phil ...oops

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

I really enjoyed The Catcher in the Rye. To me, it's about losing one's innocence and coming of age, even if we don't want to. Sometimes I still struggle with that, the thought of constantly shedding our youth. But I just have to savor it while it lasts.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I dance like Napoleon Dynamite...

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?

It's hard to portray oneself through a little profile. I'm sure I sound pretty cheesy, but hey, I love cheese. Here are some random, useless likes of mine: autumn afternoons, The Beatles, roadtrips, watching meteor showers at 3 in the morning, Clay Aiken(j/k), spider solitaire, lightning streaking across the sky, honeycrisp apples, The Office, ancient Greece, and taking a moonlit stroll through a winter wonderland. I know, I'm a dork.
 
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Ajaxx is offline Ajaxx Post #2  October 1,2009, 4:22am
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Does anybody have any comments? I'll even ask nicely: pretty please with sugar and spice?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 1,2009, 6:16am
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Ajaxx if you are getting viewed and closed without having your matches respond then it would likely be that there is something in your profile (including photos) that is turning them off.

It would be nice if you had filled in something for your profile here to give us a bit more insight into who you really are. And if you had a photo here then we could judge if you are

However, mostly I think that you have a pretty good profile. Of course that is from a guy's perspective and really you need some of the ladies here to give their opinion.

In #7 I would lose "(or just give me a few drinks)"

In #8 I would change the sarcastic part to be that your sense of humor is sarcastic.

In #13 I would lose the dork part.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #4  October 1,2009, 6:22am
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I don't analyze guys' profiles in detail. But you know, the only way I could tell your gender was in your comment about being an uncle. I think that is pretty telling.

In general I think it's horribly vague and gives no real idea of who you are or what your life is like.

It also reads like a cheap romance novel. I imagine women laughing at your comments about meteor showers and moonlit strolls and honeycrisp apples and dancing in the rain. A bit over the top, don't you think? But then, I imagine a lot of things about women that may or may not be true.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  October 1,2009, 7:03am
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melman wrote :
I don't analyze guys' profiles in detail. But you know, the only way I could tell your gender was in your comment about being an uncle. I think that is pretty telling.

In general I think it's horribly vague and gives no real idea of who you are or what your life is like.

It also reads like a cheap romance novel. I imagine women laughing at your comments about meteor showers and moonlit strolls and honeycrisp apples and dancing in the rain. A bit over the top, don't you think? But then, I imagine a lot of things about women that may or may not be true.
I have to agree. I didn't know you were male until the uncle comment, either.
I was almost waiting for the "I love to collect old Judy Garland records"...comment.

All in all, it does sound a tad feminine.
And it is fairly vague.

That's not to say you should put in things like, "I love tearing down V8 engines, mixed martial arts..Harleys & motocross".. or any of that(if it's not who you are) but, I'd take a serious look at the things that Melman pointed out.

And lose the "dork" comment, as Gr8guy said...
you never, ever want to shoot yourself in the foot.
Last edited by TheThinker; October 1,2009 at 7:09am.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 1,2009, 7:14am
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The Thinker and melman, just a comment about knowing the profile is of a guy. The match knows that it is a guy because that should be all she is going to get.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  October 1,2009, 7:17am
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TheThinker wrote :
I have to agree. I didn't know you were male until the uncle comment, either.
I was almost waiting for the "I love to collect old Judy Garland records"...comment.

All in all, it does sound a tad feminine.
And it is fairly vague.

That's not to say you should put in things like, "I love tearing down V8 engines, mixed martial arts..Harleys & motocross".. or any of that(if it's not who you are) but, I'd take a serious look at the things that Melman pointed out.

And lose the "dork" comment, as Gr8guy said...
you never, ever want to shoot yourself in the foot.
So all my matches that mentions how they like to ride their Harley or motorcycle are coming across as masculine? I do close any match that I get that mentions motorcycles because I really don't want to date an organ donor but it is not because I figure they are masculine.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  October 1,2009, 7:26am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
So all my matches that mentions how they like to ride their Harley or motorcycle are coming across as masculine? I do close any match that I get that mentions motorcycles because I really don't want to date an organ donor but it is not because I figure they are masculine.
Easy there....I wasn't making comment about your matches.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  October 1,2009, 7:32am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The Thinker and melman, just a comment about knowing the profile is of a guy. The match knows that it is a guy because that should be all she is going to get.
You missed the point entirely.

Of course they know he's a male.
 
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Ajaxx is offline Ajaxx Post #10  October 1,2009, 12:08pm
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Thanks for all the feedback! My profile definitely needs some help.

melman wrote :
But you know, the only way I could tell your gender was in your comment about being an uncle. I think that is pretty telling.
LOL, I was wondering if someone would say that. I appreciate your honesty. I do sound very corny, but I'm just trying to sound different and stand out from the usual "I like to go out for drinks but also stay home to watch movies." This is much harder than I thought.

I'm obviously senstive and insightful. How do you portray this without sounding cheesy? Or is it better to leave it out?

Do I really sound horribly vague? I know I need improvements, but most profiles I read are full of one sentence answers. How can I be more specific without sounding like I'm full of myself?
 
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