reenz is offline reenz Post #1  September 24,2009, 8:55pm
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I saw a man's profile today which seemed interesting. He is long distance from me, and has some different interests than I do. However, he has a cute smile and seems like a really decent person. I was debating whether to send him a communication or not (as we seem to be alike in personality though different in terms of interests). However, before I even attempted to send an icebreaker to him, I happened to look into my 'Who's Viewed Me' section and noticed that he had already seen my profile 2 days ago. Now I am even less inclined to send him a message, since I feel that he couldn't be all that interested in me since he already checked my profile without saying anything. (My profile is quite detailed and has pictures, so a person will have a good idea with me if they want to pursue things or not).

I tend to do this not only on EH, but also on other dating sites. If I see someone's profile who seems somewhat interesting, but that person has already viewed me without expressing interest, then I don't bother to express interest either since I figure that person wasn't interested (or he would have already sent something). I mean if someone felt like he found what he was looking for in my profile... it's not like he'd just sit there are not express interest... right? I'm not so much trying to play mind games with myself, but simply trying to spare myself unnecessary rejection. Am I wrong in my thinking?
Last edited by reenz; September 24,2009 at 9:02pm.
 
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RebornInFire is offline RebornInFire Post #2  September 24,2009, 9:33pm
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reenz wrote :
I saw a man's profile today which seemed interesting. He is long distance from me, and has some different interests than I do. However, he has a cute smile and seems like a really decent person. I was debating whether to send him a communication or not (as we seem to be alike in personality though different in terms of interests). However, before I even attempted to send an icebreaker to him, I happened to look into my 'Who's Viewed Me' section and noticed that he had already seen my profile 2 days ago. Now I am even less inclined to send him a message, since I feel that he couldn't be all that interested in me since he already checked my profile without saying anything. (My profile is quite detailed and has pictures, so a person will have a good idea with me if they want to pursue things or not).

I tend to do this not only on EH, but also on other dating sites. If I see someone's profile who seems somewhat interesting, but that person has already viewed me without expressing interest, then I don't bother to express interest either since I figure that person wasn't interested (or he would have already sent something). I mean if someone felt like he found what he was looking for in my profile... it's not like he'd just sit there are not express interest... right? I'm not so much trying to play mind games with myself, but simply trying to spare myself unnecessary rejection. Am I wrong in my thinking?
You said it yourself, he is a long distance away. If he 'rejects' you, it's probably because first and foremost he doesn't want a LDR. You need to take the stance that you have nothing to lose. Men find it easier to ask women out when they get it in their heads they have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I once hated to see those closed messages, now I'm glad to see them because it gives me hope not every match is inactive/nonpaying.
 
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reenz is offline reenz Post #3  September 24,2009, 9:44pm
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Thanks for your response. However, I probably shouldn't have mentioned the long distance, since I don't know how relevant that is to my question. As far as the distance goes, I figure that he also must have the same settings as myself and couldn't be opposed to the distance - otherwise, I wouldn't have appeared as a match to him.

I guess what I am really asking in my question is whether I should feel discouraged to send someone an interest who has already viewed my profile without saying anything.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #4  September 24,2009, 11:01pm
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i always feel encouraged. in the marketing business, to which online dating is not dissimilar at all, that's a huge victory - getting people to actually click on a link and find out more.

i would say, also, don't bother worrying about rejection. an ice breaker is just an ice breaker. getting rejected at that stage isn't getting rejected at all.
 
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DenBob is offline DenBob Post #5  September 25,2009, 6:41am
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Reenz... I have to admit that I have played that little mind game with myself... and please give me some feedback if you have any from a womans point of view. Her is an example. I have viewed 3 or 4 matches of women that I was interested in but didnt really think they would be interested in me for some reason or another, so I didnt initiate any communication. Then a day or 2 later I noticed that they had viewed my profile and not responded either... Now here is the sticky part... Are they not interested enough to start communication with me, or are they thinking that I must not have been interested since I viewed their profile first... What a mess.
I will go into a little more detail on why I think some woman may not be interested in my profile... I get matches that are independent women 35-45 without kids whom have higher profile jobs like company managers, or investment bankers, or careers that I assume are very demanding and likewise very lucrative pocket book wise. I am a single dad, and work for a large company, have a steady job and great work ethic, but I feel like I may not be what some of these women are looking for. Am I wrong to assume this right off the bat, or do some women not really care if they are the career driven ones in a relationship and the bread-winner types.... I havent had any real experience with this and dont want to set myself up for unnecessary rejections. Again, any input is greatly appreciated...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  September 25,2009, 7:26am
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reenz wrote :
...

I guess what I am really asking in my question is whether I should feel discouraged to send someone an interest who has already viewed my profile without saying anything.
lil_lamb wrote :
...

i would say, also, don't bother worrying about rejection. an ice breaker is just an ice breaker. getting rejected at that stage isn't getting rejected at all.
I have been on eHarmony more than one day and I have more than one match. I got some a week ago, two weeks ago, etc. and started communication. So now I have several matches in communication when you come along in my New folder. I check all my new matches but which means that I view your profile. I did not close you immediately so that means that there must be some interest but since I already have several matches in communication I don't want to add you to that pile just yet because I have as many matches as I can communicate with at one time already. Experience tells me that most of the matches that I start off communicating with will poof somewhere before meeting and even those that I meet will not lead to more than a first date.

Now if you send me First Questions then you become a more important match than the ones that I am already communicating with that are not responding all that quickly. You have also indicated that YOU are interested in me because you initiated the communication.

So yes you should send First Questions to any of your matches that you are interested in. Never send an IceBreaker because that is an indication that you are a non-paying member because that is the only thing that a non-paying member can do.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 25,2009, 7:33am
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DenBob wrote :
Reenz... I have to admit that I have played that little mind game with myself... and please give me some feedback if you have any from a womans point of view. Her is an example. I have viewed 3 or 4 matches of women that I was interested in but didnt really think they would be interested in me for some reason or another, so I didnt initiate any communication. Then a day or 2 later I noticed that they had viewed my profile and not responded either... Now here is the sticky part... Are they not interested enough to start communication with me, or are they thinking that I must not have been interested since I viewed their profile first... What a mess.
I will go into a little more detail on why I think some woman may not be interested in my profile... I get matches that are independent women 35-45 without kids whom have higher profile jobs like company managers, or investment bankers, or careers that I assume are very demanding and likewise very lucrative pocket book wise. I am a single dad, and work for a large company, have a steady job and great work ethic, but I feel like I may not be what some of these women are looking for. Am I wrong to assume this right off the bat, or do some women not really care if they are the career driven ones in a relationship and the bread-winner types.... I havent had any real experience with this and dont want to set myself up for unnecessary rejections. Again, any input is greatly appreciated...
I am not a woman but I am going to give you a bit of advice. First read my response to Reenz's question for some additional information.

My advice is that you should send First Questions to any match YOU are interested in. Don't worry about if she would be interested in you, you cannot make that decision, only she can determine if she is interested in you. Most, 90%, of your matches are going to be non-paying members and can't respond. Of the few that are paying members and do respond a most will not work out for whatever reason. Dating is a numbers game. To improve your chances of finding "the one" you have to get your numbers up. That means communicating with everyone.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #8  September 25,2009, 8:36am
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Send First Questions, you've got nothing to lose
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #9  September 25,2009, 11:21am
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reenz wrote :
Thanks for your response. However, I probably shouldn't have mentioned the long distance, since I don't know how relevant that is to my question. As far as the distance goes, I figure that he also must have the same settings as myself and couldn't be opposed to the distance - otherwise, I wouldn't have appeared as a match to him.

I guess what I am really asking in my question is whether I should feel discouraged to send someone an interest who has already viewed my profile without saying anything.
Go ahead and send him questions. If you don't send them, all you've done is rejected yourself. The worst case scenario if you send them is that he closes you, in which case you're no worse off than if you hadn't contacted him in the first place. On the other hand, sending those first questions could be the nudge that starts a great relationship!
 
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