reenz is offline reenz Post #1  September 24,2009, 8:30pm
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Hi all. If you don't feel a connection to a match who has expressed interest in you, should you still send a polite response to the other person? Or is no response best? I ask this both in the context of eharmony as well as other dating sites.

In the past (on other dating sites), whenever someone would send me an interest (who I did not feel chemistry or a particular interest in), I would still always write that person a friendly note back stating that I didn't think we were a perfect fit, but that I wished him well in his search. Recently some acquaintances suggested that I should not say anything at all, and that it would simply be better to ignore the expressed interest... as they would get the hint. I am just wondering what people think here. I have recently started ignoring communication requests from matches that I don't feel compatibility/chemistry with, but I am having second thoughts as it doesn't feel like the nice thing to do. If you have someone on eharmony send you a fast track request with a note (or even on another dating site), do you respond to their notes wishing them good luck or simply ignore them? It almost sounds rude to not respond.

I am currently thinking that if someone sends me a generic note (that appears it might have been sent off to a number of people), then I won't respond if I'm not interested. But if someone sends me a personalized note stating things that he specifically likes about my profile, then I should at least write a friendly note wishing him well.

Thoughts? If you were on the receiving end, would you prefer to receive a nice note wishing you better luck in the future, or would you prefer your match to simply not reply?
 
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NathanCM is offline NathanCM Post #2  September 24,2009, 8:43pm
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I think it depends on your lack of interest.

Are you truly neutral to being attracted to them or are you decidedly un-attracted to them?

If the latter, yes, do not proceed. If the former, contact and see what happens. People don't photo well or express their true personality over the internet well.

If it sucks, move on.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #3  September 24,2009, 8:53pm

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reenz wrote :
Hi all. If you don't feel a connection to a match who has expressed interest in you, should you still send a polite response to the other person? Or is no response best? I ask this both in the context of eharmony as well as other dating sites.

In the past (on other dating sites), whenever someone would send me an interest (who I did not feel chemistry or a particular interest in), I would still always write that person a friendly note back stating that I didn't think we were a perfect fit, but that I wished him well in his search. Thoughts? If you were on the receiving end, would you prefer to receive a nice note wishing you better luck in the future, or would you prefer your match to simply not reply?
Both Match and EH have system generated responses. So those sites make sending a reason or not interested note a bit easier. It doesn't hurt to continue what you did in the past.

As far as edating goes, I say anything you can do to stop a person from coming to eha to complain about unresponsive matches is a plus. Little notes or system generated ones should do the trick.
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; September 24,2009 at 8:54pm. Reason: ...never going to win a spelling bee
 
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Sophie157 is offline Sophie157 Post #4  September 25,2009, 3:05am
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I think a response would be nice. I would not like to communicate and just get nothing back. What's the worse that can happen? But then again I am very new to all of this.
 
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MicMan is online now MicMan Post #5  September 25,2009, 4:08am
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If someone isn't interested in communicating with me, I'd prefer to be closed than be left in limbo.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  September 25,2009, 4:42am
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Simply ignoring a person's communication leaves the impression that you are a non-paying member, rude or if there has been some communication a poofer.

Sending a "Thanks but No Thanks" give the impression that you are polite and courteous.

You choose how you want to be perceived.
 
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Gilly50 is offline Gilly50 Post #7  September 25,2009, 7:30am
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I agree totally with MicMan. There is nothing worse than being in limbo. Be courteous close communication, it only takes a minute of your time
 
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nennerb is offline nennerb Post #8  September 25,2009, 8:54am
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I would want a response so I know for sure. Besides that, I think not responding is rude & inconsiderate.
 
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Flour is offline Flour Post #9  September 25,2009, 9:22am
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I always make sure to close, with distance or based on answers in her profile. Although it's usually because of *lack of* answers, so it's generally non-paying and I just don't really care.

I've yet to be closed for anything other than 'other'.
 
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reenz is offline reenz Post #10  September 26,2009, 9:48am
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nennerb wrote :
I would want a response so I know for sure. Besides that, I think not responding is rude & inconsiderate.
I agree, as this is how I have always felt. However, when I was recently told by some people that sending a response back (declining interest) was seen as patronizing. Especially on other dating sites when someone would write me an interest, I'd respond saying something to the extent of "Hello, thanks for expressing interest in my profile. You seem like a nice person, and I appreciate _________ in your profile. However, I don't think we are fully compatible. Good luck in your partner search!" Of course I didn't hear back from those guys and didn't expect to... but I was told by some acquaintances that my closing statement may be seen as patronizing, and I was better off simply looking at their profile and message and not responding, and that they'd get the point.

If sending a closing message is the more decent thing to do, then I'll certainly go back to doing that as I was before (even though I feel guilty now for the 3-4 men whose messages I recently ignored since I didn't want to patronize them by actually declining them).
 
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