how do typical women want this question answered?


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zeekle is offline zeekle Post #1  September 20,2009, 9:39am
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Ok I seem to get this question a lot and it seems many poof afterwards so I am wondering what women are looking for with this question and if I my answer is pushing them away.

When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
A) I don't have a great need for "personal space". I like lots of together time.
B) I find my time spent working is enough personal time, the rest I like to spend with my partner.
C) As long as I can get one night a week to myself, my personal space needs are met.
D) When I'm with my partner I'm completely there, but I do need considerable time for personal reflection.

Well I am a pretty independent. I like to spend a good bit of time with my SO but I am completely comfortable being "solo" and I have some non social activities that I like to partake in.

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Savasana is offline Savasana Post #2  September 20,2009, 9:47am
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I think it is incredibly important to answer the questions honestly. I know that is what I personally am looking for when I ask any of the questions of my matches. I don't want an answer tailored to what he thinks I'm looking for.

That said, I see nothing that would concern me in your answer at all if I had asked you that question. I'm quite independent myself and need to pursue my own activities as well as participate in activities with my significant other. In other words, your answer would actually be an ideal response for me.

The key is that you want to find a match that fits your answer and not answer to suit your match.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #3  September 20,2009, 10:02am
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They will tell you they want it answered honestly.
But, I believe what they are looking for, is along the lines of that you would want to have enough in common that the things you normally do "solo" would involve her as well.
She wants to be involved in your life. So, if you have a bowling league that you want to skip out to, this doesn't involve her. She is looking to at least be a part of your interests, take her bowling, show her how, go practice with her.

I take my car to the race track. Its not exactly a "for two" kinda thing. But I would hope that she would support me to come to the track and cheer me on. Not expecting her to get her hands dirty working on the car after a run, but just to support the idea that its something I like to do.

That is what they really want to hear. They don't want to be excluded permanently from any part of your life. They want the opportunity to be involved. Either to try out whatever it is, to support you, or if its something that they would rather not do.. give them the chance to figure out its not their "thing". You don't want to give them the impression that anything is completely off-limits from the start.

And really, like the above poster, it is about a good match. If they are very "clingy", then they want someone they can cling to, whereas the opposite in her case holds true as well. Just don't keep the door shut on some aspect of your life and tell her its off limits to her. Even if she is independent, she will want the opportunity to be involved, even if she decides its something shes not interested in.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #4  September 20,2009, 10:03am
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The short answer might be "there are no typical women"....which is true, but doesn't help you at all.

Might I suggest, look around on these boards--there's some neat threads where women of all ages, from many walks of life, and even from other countries are posting on issues related to how they want to be with their men.

From driving and what kind of car he drives, to when to kiss, become exclusive, and red vs green flags--we've all got different opinions.

So this female agrees with the poster above, and adds: with this many choices, you're bound to find someone who likes your style.

Much better'n trying to stifle yours to meet hers in something this important.

Good luck to you!
 
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86CJ7 is offline 86CJ7 Post #5  September 20,2009, 10:13am

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Here is how I answer and none have yet poofed after my response,

" I do not need a lot of personal space but do not want someone that is clingy or who needs to be with me 24/7. I believe that it is healthy for both people to have time to themselves."

Having said that, yo must answer honestly. The way eHarmony has this set up, you really do not want to get to open communication with someone you have not ben honest with in your answers.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #6  September 20,2009, 10:19am
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zeekle wrote :
Ok I seem to get this question a lot and it seems many poof afterwards so I am wondering what women are looking for with this question and if I my answer is pushing them away.

When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
A) I don't have a great need for "personal space". I like lots of together time.
B) I find my time spent working is enough personal time, the rest I like to spend with my partner.
C) As long as I can get one night a week to myself, my personal space needs are met.
D) When I'm with my partner I'm completely there, but I do need considerable time for personal reflection.

Well I am a pretty independent. I like to spend a good bit of time with my SO but I am completely comfortable being "solo" and I have some non social activities that I like to partake in.

Thanks
Hi Zeekie!

I for one hate getting this question and only send it to someone who has sent it to me, just to get a feel for why the person may be asking this one. I try to see if it is because the person wants to spend all their free time with an SO or someone that feels stifled by not having any alone time.

Personally I am inline with your last paragraph which I have bolded. In answering the question I usually write my own answer stating that I have activities, interests and friends and I expect my match will too. If a relationship develops I think the time together will increase, but I do need some time to myself during the week. I hope that in the short space provided that this gives the match a true idea of me and that I want a match that we can share some activities and time with but I don't expect that we will spend every waking minute joined at the hip. It also gives room for the relationship to grow naturally.

Hope that helps, As the above posters have mentioned everyone is different. This is a hard question to deal with because not only are the answers (to my mind) one way or another but also are so subjective and vague and can be taken to mean more than what you meant them too.

Best of luck!
 
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Wendy_BBW is offline Wendy_BBW Post #7  September 20,2009, 10:24am
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I think if I were you, I'd write in an answer with some detail so they understand a little better regarding where your coming from. I think when people read profiles and answers to some of the questions in the guided communication process I think they look for what they perceive as negatives so they can "weed" people out and they don't focus on the positives.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  September 20,2009, 11:53am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I would think most people would be concerned about 'extremes' with respect to this question. This could either be someone who is super clingy and can't bear to have their partner out of eyesight....or someone who does so much on their own that they have hardly any time to spend with a partner.
 
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zeekle is offline zeekle Post #9  September 20,2009, 12:42pm
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Thanks everyone for the advice.

I want to be honest about what I am looking for but I also want to be sure I am putting across my true feelings in a way that doesn't push a compatible match away.

I usually answer with a custom answer with a similar answer as yoga gal bolded.

And yes I hate that question. I really wish I could ask something like "so why do you ask?"


I seem to get this one a lot and recently I have been getting the "how busy do you want your match to be" with the matches that don't give the first question. Kinda weird how the questions seem to come like that.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  September 20,2009, 12:44pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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zeekle wrote :
I seem to get this one a lot and recently I have been getting the "how busy do you want your match to be" with the matches that don't give the first question. Kinda weird how the questions seem to come like that.
Yeah....I have gotten that question a lot too. Also the 'traditional gender roles' question.
 
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