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meri75 meri75 is offline
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I'd be looking for D to be the answer here.

It doesn't mean that I can't spend lots and lots of time with him. It does mean though, that I am perfectly content to sit in a room reading a book, or cooking, or something without speaking a word to each other.

Personal time for reflection - well, that doesn't actually have to equal separation.
- September 20th, 2009, 03:38 pm
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melman melman is offline
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zeekle wrote :
And yes I hate that question. I really wish I could ask something like "so why do you ask?"
So do that as a part of an "e" answer! Maybe it will encourage the match to keep communicating with you, so she can get to the next round of questions and ask another question.

The "personal space" question, and others such as "your idea of a romantic time is", "how romantic are you", have an unspoken assumption built in. The asker is of course assuming two words that are not written into the questions... and of course, those two words are "WITH ME". Why else would these questions be asked? Ignore this assumption at your own peril.

A match asking First Questions is just a picture and a profile. You don't know her and she doesn't know you. You haven't even communicated in writing yet, and already she's asking you to imagine yourself in a relationship and answer this question? It's just unanswerable. With time, every couple develops its own idea about what's romantic, how much personal space they need, etc. And every relationship is different. Isn't the process of discovering these things, part of the fun of a new relationship?
Last edited by melman; September 20th, 2009 at 06:09 pm.
- September 20th, 2009, 05:25 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is offline
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yoga_gal wrote :
Hi Zeekie!

I for one hate getting this question and only send it to someone who has sent it to me, just to get a feel for why the person may be asking this one. I try to see if it is because the person wants to spend all their free time with an SO or someone that feels stifled by not having any alone time.

Personally I am inline with your last paragraph which I have bolded. In answering the question I usually write my own answer stating that I have activities, interests and friends and I expect my match will too. If a relationship develops I think the time together will increase, but I do need some time to myself during the week. I hope that in the short space provided that this gives the match a true idea of me and that I want a match that we can share some activities and time with but I don't expect that we will spend every waking minute joined at the hip. It also gives room for the relationship to grow naturally.

Hope that helps, As the above posters have mentioned everyone is different. This is a hard question to deal with because not only are the answers (to my mind) one way or another but also are so subjective and vague and can be taken to mean more than what you meant them too.

Best of luck!
It is actually a terrible question because even your answer is too short to really give a clear indication of what that means in real life.

I would get your basic point... I think... but it still is up for interpretation.

I usually put something along the lines as our lives would mingle naturally to determine the amount of time we shared together. (I have never used those words exactly but that idea. I usually would say it much better than that. Maybe I should have saved the message so that I can use it for all matches that ask. LOL.)
- September 20th, 2009, 05:49 pm
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yoga_gal yoga_gal is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
It is actually a terrible question because even your answer is too short to really give a clear indication of what that means in real life.

I would get your basic point... I think... but it still is up for interpretation.

I usually put something along the lines as our lives would mingle naturally to determine the amount of time we shared together. (I have never used those words exactly but that idea. I usually would say it much better than that. Maybe I should have saved the message so that I can use it for all matches that ask. LOL.)
I know but you only get a certain number of characters to use and I use them all just to get that little bit in plus you can't work in any humor and as you said it still is up for interpretation. I really HATE the question but it gets used quite a bit!
- September 20th, 2009, 05:55 pm
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melman melman is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
I usually put something along the lines as our lives would mingle naturally to determine the amount of time we shared together.
See, that's where I see the trap in this question. If you answer this way, it (unintentionally?) says that you've accepted the assumption that you've gotten through GC, OC, met and are starting a relationship. By saying "our lives" and "we", you let her imagine that this has happened without any work on her part.

It might be better to be a bit more vague. Not dishonest or evasive, but to drop a subtle hint that perhaps you're not yet invested enough in her to want to think about how much time you want to spend with her.
- September 20th, 2009, 07:23 pm
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meri75 wrote :
I'd be looking for D to be the answer here.

It doesn't mean that I can't spend lots and lots of time with him. It does mean though, that I am perfectly content to sit in a room reading a book, or cooking, or something without speaking a word to each other.

Personal time for reflection - well, that doesn't actually have to equal separation.
And that is why this question is broken.

There are just as many people that would blow away a Match for answering D.
Answering D could also indicate an aloof or anti-social character, or someone who just wants the woman there as a booty call.

I generally answer that I am between B and C, and of course, alway give the "It also depends what my partner would like as well".
- September 20th, 2009, 09:35 pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
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To the OP:

You state that you like to spend "quite a bit" of time with your SO, or that you are "solo" and unsocial.

It seems from that answer that you might be coming off as clingy, and when you are not with her, are not with anybody else.
- September 20th, 2009, 11:01 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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I write in this answer:

I like to share as much time as possible with my partner, yet understand that we each have interests that the other does not share.
- September 21st, 2009, 09:34 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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melman wrote :
See, that's where I see the trap in this question. If you answer this way, it (unintentionally?) says that you've accepted the assumption that you've gotten through GC, OC, met and are starting a relationship. By saying "our lives" and "we", you let her imagine that this has happened without any work on her part.

It might be better to be a bit more vague. Not dishonest or evasive, but to drop a subtle hint that perhaps you're not yet invested enough in her to want to think about how much time you want to spend with her.
I think you over analyze the questions.

A basic assumption of all of the "getting to know you" questions is that you and your match will be building a solid long term relationship.
- September 21st, 2009, 09:38 am
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Daulton Daulton is offline
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Yes, its best to be totally honest from the outset, and not try to fill in what you think people want to hear.
- September 21st, 2009, 09:53 am
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