Not interested in communicating, not disinterested enough to close


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redeyesandtears is offline redeyesandtears Post #1  September 19,2009, 3:04am
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I've had a few matches I sent communication to, and they have viewed my profile. Its been a few weeks. They don't respond, which I can understand (i've received communication from others I was not interested in - I close them out though).

I sense that some matches are not interested and hence not motivated enough to proceed in communication. Yet they don't dislike you enough to reject you - ie close you out. Is this how some feel?
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #2  September 19,2009, 4:46am
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I suspect that these are non-paying members who can't respond do you even if they wanted to. There is no way for you to tell if your matches are subscribers or, as the vast majority seem to be, not; this is a common complaint. What I've done in these cases is, if the person seem sufficiently interesting, just leave them open and wait for a FCW (free communication weekend) or until they decide to subscribe. It makes your matches list longer, maybe, but you never know what might happen.

The match I'm currently "involved" with--it's a long-distance match and we've yet to meet in person--was a non-subscriber, so I can attest to the fact that it can be worth the wait! (Though in my case I managed to identify him "in real life," and it turned out we have "second-hand" mutual acquaintances, because he is friends with the head of an academic organization I belong to, a coincidence which was... startling. I contacted him outside the eHarmony system. Even so, we never would have begun communicating without eHarmony.)
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  September 20,2009, 10:14am
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I check my matches each morning and will view my new matches. However, at present I have quite a few at some point in communication and may not initiate communication to keep from being overwhelmed more than I am already. The fact that I did not initiate immediately does not mean that I am not interested it just means that I have more matches in my Communicating folder than I can handle.

Now if a match chooses to initiate then I will respond and she may well move to the top of the list ahead of any that are slow to respond.
 
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1FourAll is offline 1FourAll Post #4  September 20,2009, 10:48am
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if you have time to look, you have time to close.
 
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Braveslady is offline Braveslady Post #5  September 24,2009, 12:51pm
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I'm playing the waiting game right now with one of my matches. I'm waititng for him to start O.C., but either he doesn't realize he's suppose to start or he cancelled his account. The weird thing is that he views my profile every other day. I'm going to give it few more days, and then I'm going to close. There is the chance that EH is toying with me, because my account is about to expire and they could be holding his messages from me. That is too evil to imagine, right?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #6  September 24,2009, 4:12pm

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Braveslady wrote :
I'm playing the waiting game right now with one of my matches. I'm waititng for him to start O.C., but either he doesn't realize he's suppose to start or he cancelled his account. The weird thing is that he views my profile every other day. I'm going to give it few more days, and then I'm going to close. There is the chance that EH is toying with me, because my account is about to expire and they could be holding his messages from me. That is too evil to imagine, right?
Hi Braveslady,

Sorry to hear that one of your matches, isn't being responsive.

If you two are just entering into Open Communication and it has been over 7 days, you may be able to send him a Nudge.

Also, I know it's hard to have to wait for communication, but I want to assure you that we are not keeping communications from you just because your subscription may be set to expire.

All the best,

-Renee
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #7  September 24,2009, 7:16pm

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redeyesandtears wrote :
I've had a few matches I sent communication to, and they have viewed my profile. Its been a few weeks. They don't respond, which I can understand (i've received communication from others I was not interested in - I close them out though).

I sense that some matches are not interested and hence not motivated enough to proceed in communication. Yet they don't dislike you enough to reject you - ie close you out. Is this how some feel?

Dear redeyesandtears,

It certainly can be perplexing when a match isn't communicating or closing out the match. The truth is there are many reasons why this happens.

For some members, like Gr8Guyn2008, they may not initiate communication with a match they just received because they are currently busy communicating with earlier matches; however, they may still be interested in communicating with this match in the future; so they leave it open.

We remind members time and time again, that if you aren't interested in beginning or continuing communication with someone, the courteous thing to do is to close the match, and I am glad to hear you do. However, there are still members who are uncomfortable closing a match because they don't want to hurt a match's feelings.

Of course, the goal is to have matches communicate and not close the match; right? So, if you are not happy with the rate of communication you are experiencing, the first thing I recommend is that you take a look at your profile.

Is your About Me page complete? Have you provided thorough, detailed answers? If it's not complete or your answers tend to be sparse, not only will your matches not be able to get a sense of who you are, they may think you are not as serious about the process. Either of which will not inspire them to communicate.

Also, do you have any photos posted? Are you smiling in at least some of the photos? Do they show different aspects of your personality and/or interests?

Remember, your About Me page and photos are the first impression you make on your matches. So it is important that you make the best one possible! If you need assistance creating an effective profile, check our Profile Workshops: Dating advice message board

Lastly, while you don’t want to be too impatient when waiting for responses, you also don’t want to leave matches open so long it makes managing your matching page difficult. Our recommendation is that you give a match 7 days to respond to any communication. After 7 days, click on their name and send a Nudge. Then wait another 7 days before you consider closing a match. Of course, if you are really interested in a match, you can certainly leave the match open even longer!

We think this guideline can help you from missing out on a match who may need a little time to get communication going, but also help you from keeping matches open indefinitely.

All the best,

-Renee
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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