Eye is offline Eye Post #11  January 3,2008, 3:41pm
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Is it ok when girl "disappeared" few days ago after chatting and emailing all the time on a period of about two monthes?
 
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notdesper8 is offline notdesper8 Post #12  January 3,2008, 3:52pm
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Hi - I just stumbled across this discussion board. I don't know if reading all of your comments makes me feel better - or worse! : ) This is happening to me as well. We used guided communication, got to open communication, emailed back and forth several times (all over the span of at least a month). He seemed absolutely genuine, and we're both "adults" (we've both been married before etc... so it seemed he wouldn't be the game-player type.) He expressed interest in meeting me in person, but said "no rush, I understand if you want to take it slowly..." When I finally figured it was a good time to do the phone call thing... he stopped communicating. And hasn't closed the match.

Silly me thought he may have gotten hit by a truck or something.

So - is there anything eHarmony can do about these apparent deadbeats? I understand the confidentiality thing - I have no interest in trying to track him down - but couldn't eHarmony try to call these people and tell them to **** or get off the pot? You'd think eH would be concerned that people like this might leave a bad taste in paying customers' mouths. If it affects their bottom line (ie: I may not renew my membership) might they have an interest in speaking out on our behalf?

Just a thought...
 
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MW77009 is offline MW77009 Post #13  January 3,2008, 4:17pm
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Haruo; Yeah. That I think is true much of the time. Its like a dance. I would prefer something a bit more direct but, you can only work with what you have. After doing this for awhile, I try to read my own comfort level and then try to figure hers out and move accordingly.
However, when I mean disappeared, I mean a sudden unexplained or unexplainable lack of response for like weeks. I usually give them one response and then if I do not hear anything after an extended time, I either a) close them out or b) throw the number away.
 
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carchrjos is offline carchrjos Post #14  January 3,2008, 4:22pm
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I just chalk it up to them losing out...If you focus on it a long time, you give it too much power and it consumes you're thinking..
 
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carchrjos is offline carchrjos Post #15  January 3,2008, 4:40pm
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Hi All - Just use your discretion and your gut instinct..If they disappear, isn't it glad you see it now rather than later..?
 
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Eye is offline Eye Post #16  January 3,2008, 8:03pm
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Is it ok when girl "disappeared" few days ago after chatting and emailing every day during two monthes?
 
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mytwocents is offline mytwocents Post #17  January 4,2008, 12:05am
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I agree with some kind of asterisk, or bold/italized print for those who are payed subscribers. At least then if we are being used as a marketing tool, it will be willingly. I don't mind initiating contact with a new, potential subscriber. It would just be nice to know that's what's going on. They get emails from eHarmony saying "so-n-so is interested in you...subscribe so you can continue communicating today..."

You know, it's funny. I worry more about whether or not I'm responding too fast than if the guy is. I don't mean to seem too eager, but this is kinda fun and I can check my account at least once a day usually. I like it when I guy responds quickly. The sooner they respond, the sooner we can figure out if it's a match! Because of the postings I have read on these blogs, I have gotten bold and included a line on my profile page asking my matches to take action one way or another (initiate, respond, or close out), don't leave me hanging. These blogs have really helped me keep things in perspective. Thank you all for your input!
 
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Savasana is offline Savasana Post #18  January 5,2008, 8:41am
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I am with mytwocents; I am much more concerned about the timing of my own responses than that of the other person. I too am excited by the whole process and am concerned I seem too eager. Then I remind myself that is who I am and if it bothers him he can close the match!

I also have been on the receiving end of a few men that have just stopped communicating after a connection that appeared to be going well. It is just seems to be part of the process however and I try not to dwell on it. It reminds me that I don't want to be with someone that is willing to treat me that way and also that I don't want to treat others in that manner.
 
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Savasana is offline Savasana Post #19  January 5,2008, 8:59am
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I am with mytwocents on this one; I am much more concerned about the timing of my own responses! I am excited about the whole process and learning about the people I'm matched with. I do worry that I appear too eager but then I remind myself that it is who I am and if he doesn't appreciate it then he can close the match. I too have been on the receiving (or lack of receiving!) end of a few men that have abruptly stopped communicating when I thought the conversations were going very well. I have come to view it as just part of the process. I just remember that I don't want to be with someone that would treat me in that manner and also that I don't want to treat anyone that way either.
 
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whiteangel97 is offline whiteangel97 Post #20  January 5,2008, 1:43pm
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I think you are looking at this with a bit of tunnel-vision. One thing about this site is that you are constantly receiving matches. That girl you are talking to could be talking to 5 guys at one time. That's isn't a bad thing, it's just part of how this site works.

I will be honest, I have over 100 matches sitting in my inbox right now. About 10 of them are in different stages of communication. The rest I honestly haven't even got to yet. I receive about 10 matches a day and it is unrealistic to be able to keep up with that! Those of you who are concerned with people disappearing, it is quite possible that that person is communicating at a futher level than he/she was with you. But that person didn't want to close you out in case things don't work out with the other person.

Maybe you could look at it as putting you on the back burner, but I don't think it should be looked at that way. It is the nature of this site. You don't get one match at a time to figure out if you connect. You get 2, 5, 10 a day. It is very realistic to connect with a few people at once. So you have no choice but to put some on hold til you see if it works with the current person.

Keep in mind, once you close a match, they are gone forever. Maybe she liked you enough to see the potential and didn't want to close you forever.
 
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