How Eharmony matches and physical attraction?


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OrBarbie is offline OrBarbie Post #1  September 7,2009, 6:55am
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Here is my concern. I have been a paying member of eharmony several times. If I mention I have struggled with body weight in my profile up front, it seems I get a lot of closed messages that say they closed because of something I said. On the other hand, if I don't say anything it usually comes out in the open communication they want someone thin or in really great shape. I am frustrated that eharmony doesn't just come out and ask the people, like some other dating sites, if they are ok dating people who are heavier than average. YES or NO?

I know that I am serious about being healthy and I do exercise but I can't seem to do it all the time. And some of the questions they ask are referring to that. But there is no way for those questions to determine what I am attracted to. For instance I believe this is one of the questions or close to it "Do you take personal health seriously?" Someone who isn't a healthy weight can take it seriously, but not want to act on it. Or, to them, it may refer to seeing a dr. when they get sick.

I would like to find someone who is 50 pounds over weight who wants to get healthy with me. Or someone who didn't mind I had the extra weight. That would be ideal, but none of the questions they pose would actually match me to someone like that. Physical traits are so much higher in value then personality matches in my experience and putting more information on what we are physically attracted to and what we physically look like in addition to personality would create a better foundation for success, and when they do this I may actually pay again.

I know eharmony wants us to have more matches but the last time I paid it was just out of control matches from everywhere, which all ended up closed. Personality traits mean nothing if there is no physical attraction. So I think they need to be more clear on what the other person is seeking physical wise to make it worth my money to pay again.
Last edited by OrBarbie; September 7,2009 at 9:43am.
 
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Golfhack is offline Golfhack Post #2  September 7,2009, 7:22am
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Real simple. Put that on your profile notes. When they look into it, they may be on the same page. Also, can you alter your search criteria to target "men of stature"?
 
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CA_Gal_2009 is offline CA_Gal_2009 Post #3  September 7,2009, 7:35am
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What sort of pictures do you have posted? I've always thought that this is where it is especially important that you have several recent, full body shots in your photo section. If you do, your matches can clearly see what they are getting before you get to the open communication stage, so that there are no surprises down the line.
 
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PhillyCheesePlease is offline PhillyCheesePlease Post #4  September 7,2009, 7:47am
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If there are height / religion / drinking / smoking preferences, there should be a body type preference. It's true, though, that some would lie about their body type during the initial questionnaire, but at least it would reduce a portion of the mismatches I receive.

I have fallen for the "headshot conspiracy" too many times already. No, I'm not referring to the Kennedy assassination, but rather the elusive and subtly hidden headshot picture that shrouds body type altogether. I've been matched with women who enjoy "hardcore workouts" only to meet them and see that they are hardcore obese.

I got matched recently with a "headshot only" yoga instructor. I thought a yoga instructor was supposed to be healthy? When she and I met, I immediately saw that the only stretching she does is to reach the donuts on the top shelf.
 
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howlong is offline howlong Post #5  September 7,2009, 7:56am
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Here is my opinion.

If a match says on their profile the normal "I may not be super thin but have a great personality" and they either 1) Dont have photos or 2) They dont have a full body shot. I almost always close them because it tells me they dont have the confidence in who they are.

Personally for me if they have a picture up and they look overweight, I dont really judge it. There are many times I have started communication without looking at their photo (I simply forget) because their profile interests me.

For me, if nothing is really said then it works out better. I will go on a first date with someone and find out then if I am attracted to them.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  September 7,2009, 7:56am
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Golfhack wrote :
Real simple. Put that on your profile notes. When they look into it, they may be on the same page. Also, can you alter your search criteria to target "men of stature"?
Which setting is "stature"?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  September 7,2009, 8:27am
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I would suggest that you have a good clear full body photo posted that will show the shape you are in. I would not mention anything about being heavy or overweight in your profile.

You may want to mention that you are trying to improve your health by exercising more and would like someone that would like to join you in that. Or you may want to leave that to the discussions in OC.
 
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OrBarbie is offline OrBarbie Post #8  September 7,2009, 9:32am
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CA_Gal_2009 wrote :
What sort of pictures do you have posted? I've always thought that this is where it is especially important that you have several recent, full body shots in your photo section. If you do, your matches can clearly see what they are getting before you get to the open communication stage, so that there are no surprises down the line.

You see that is my POINT. I do not want to be matched with someone who expects a 120 pound woman regardless of what my picture shows.
 
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OrBarbie is offline OrBarbie Post #9  September 7,2009, 9:38am
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PhillyCheesePlease wrote :
If there are height / religion / drinking / smoking preferences, there should be a body type preference. It's true, though, that some would lie about their body type during the initial questionnaire, but at least it would reduce a portion of the mismatches I receive.

I have fallen for the "headshot conspiracy" too many times already. No, I'm not referring to the Kennedy assassination, but rather the elusive and subtly hidden headshot picture that shrouds body type altogether. I've been matched with women who enjoy "hardcore workouts" only to meet them and see that they are hardcore obese.

I got matched recently with a "headshot only" yoga instructor. I thought a yoga instructor was supposed to be healthy? When she and I met, I immediately saw that the only stretching she does is to reach the donuts on the top shelf.
Exactly the point I am trying to make. I don't want to be matched with a man who makes the assumption that if I am overweight I sit at krispy kreme all day. There are many reasons people carry weight and to meet someone who automatically has that mindset would horrify me, esp if it happens frequently. This is the reason I want Eharmony to add what body type are you attracted to and what body type are you. YES you will still get dishonest people and those are the people who are only setting themselves up for failure.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  September 7,2009, 10:18am
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OrBarbie wrote :
I would like to find someone who is 50 pounds over weight who wants to get healthy with me.
Then I suggest that you emphasize your interest in exercise in your communications. Not to the point of obsessing over it, but to show that it is a desire that you have. Don't say "I want to exercise", say "I exercise". Arrange first meetings with your matches such as a walk around the park or a bike ride.

Now, it's true that some matches will close you based on your weight alone. Sorry, but that's how the world works. But a positive attitude and showing a commitment to exercise (no matter how small) will probably be appealing to those of us who know that actions speak louder than words.
 
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