How do I view new profile matches without letting my matches know?


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firefly1977 is offline firefly1977 Post #1  September 6,2009, 3:04pm
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Call me old fashioned, but I think the man should initiate communication. (Probably due to my mom teaching me to never chase men.) The problem is that if I wait until he does, often times my New matches list fills up with inactive members and I stop getting matches. So I would like to view my matches profile without him being able to tell that I did. I know I can set the anonymous option so that I don't show up in the "Who Viewed Me" list, but if I click on a profile of my match, won't it show on his profile as a yellow dot on 1st stage of communication? Is there any way I can view profiles without my matches being able to tell?
 
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NYCguy is offline NYCguy Post #2  September 11,2010, 3:13am
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Okay, I'm calling you old fashioned.

You're employing a 20th Century mindset to 21st Century dating. Silly! If you don't want your matches to know you viewed him, don't view the match. Deprive yourself the opportunity to set yourself apart by viewing the match, and taking the first step to initiate communication or just close the match out of dis-interest. What purpose does it serve to wait for the man to make the first move, like so many other women do? It is cowardly, and a waste of time to even be on eHarmony. If you have no problem rejecting interested matches, why the hell do you have a problem initiating communication with interested matches? Stop cowering behind 20th Century social norms of your mother, and show some damn backbone!
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #3  September 11,2010, 3:34am
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I don't understand why you don't want them to know you've viewed them. It's the best way to let matches know that you're not an inactive member.

When I was a member, the viewing of a match did not indicate that communication had begun - maybe that's changed. The worst that could happen, in my view, is that if they do know you've viewed them, and you don't subsequently initiate GC by sending the first questions, it DOES indicate that you are NOT interested. Sort of a passive-aggressive "I'm not going to close you, but you aren't good enough to speak to."

The purpose of EH is to introduce you to potential partners. If you are sitting on the sidelines, you're not following "procedures" - what's the harm in saying hello to someone? Would you go through life not speaking to anyone you don't already know?

PLEASE (yes, I'm shouting) send those first questions to anyone who piques your interest. I did, and while some never responded, the Right One did, and we've been happily together for two years.

It doesn't hurt to say hello, honest!
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #4  September 11,2010, 3:51am
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Viewing a man is not chasing them. You are at least letting them know you are not a dead profile. IRL if you look at a man I hope you would not think that would be chasing him. I see no problem with initiating. It is just like saying hi to a stranger except you know this stranger is single and looking to date.
 
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NYCpigeon is online now NYCpigeon Post #5  September 11,2010, 4:48am
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The anonymous view feature has been removed. I personally think that there are "minimum" requirements that come with online dating. Being secretive about showing you viewed someone, to me, is nonsense and counterproductive.

I've read all kinds of posts from Eharmony members claiming they don't want others to know they viewed them, some don't want to post pictures because they're shy etc. These behaviors are not conducive to meeting people. If you want to meet people, you have to be willing to put yourself out there.

Why join a dating site, pay for it, take a 250-item questionnaire, set up a profile, and then hide? It"s self-defeating, and I think Eharmony tries very hard to protect members from their own incorrect thinking.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #6  September 11,2010, 1:01pm

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Hi firefly1977,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice!

I also encourage you not to equate sending out the first set of questions to a match you are interested in with chasing him. Not only that, but, if you are waiting for matches to initiate communication, you are wasting valuable subscription time and possibly losing out on the chance to meet someone really terrific because his attention was caught by another match who initiated communication.

There is no secret why you and any other member joined eHarmony. You all want to find someone who is really right for you and the first step in doing so is to communicate! For someone new to an using an online site, it may feel awkward at first, but I encourage you to trust our process and the experience of fellow members.

NYCpigeon, is correct that it is no longer possible to view matches profiles anonymously; so I also encourage you not to be concerned about matches knowing you viewed their profile and, like Spider, to be more proactive with your search and initiate communication with matches of interest.

Not all your matches may respond, but to ensure that you get as many responses as possible, it's important that your profile is the best it can be. One way to do that is to ask for a profile review. Here's how: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/using-eharmony/40548-profile-review-instructions.html

I hope the comments and suggestions you've received will help you feel more comfortable initiating communication with your matches and that you will be able to share the positive results with us.

All the best.

-Renee
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melman is offline melman Post #7  September 11,2010, 1:06pm
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Come on people, the OP is OVER A YEAR OLD.
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #8  September 11,2010, 1:09pm
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Let's Do The Time Warp Again

Melman beat me to it.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #9  September 11,2010, 1:22pm
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melman wrote :
Come on people, the OP is OVER A YEAR OLD.
Ha! I didn't bother to look at the date.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Renee is offline eH_Advice_Host_Renee Post #10  September 11,2010, 1:53pm

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melman wrote :
Come on people, the OP is OVER A YEAR OLD.
Yikes! Saw the September 6, but not the year!

But the OP's concerns and reservations do come up from time to time and good advice and support is always good advice and support! So, who knows, maybe the resurrection of this thread will help a new member who is also shy about initiating communication, etc.

-Renee
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Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Renee; September 11,2010 at 3:12pm.
 
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