Open Comm..about to close, what to say.


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Paolo1117 is offline Paolo1117 Post #1  September 5,2009, 12:21pm
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Hi all, so I started this thread about this match earlier (http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...ion-stops.html (We get to OC and communication stops...)) and since I sent a friendly hello after no response, I've left with the match still open, and it's bugging me to just have it sit there if it's not going anywhere.

In my opinion, there's probably nothing to lose on this match so I was going to just write one more OC message saying something along the lines of '..it was nice meeting you, i'm going to close the match in a few days unless you wanted to keep talking..' that way she knows I'm going to close, if she still has any interest, we can keep talking.

Maybe I should just chalk it up as a loss and close regardless and spite her with an "other" hahhaa...I think I'm too nice for that though.

Any thoughts will be much appreciated.
-Paolo
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  September 5,2009, 12:37pm
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How long has there been no response?
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #3  September 5,2009, 1:00pm
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yeah, I would agree to send her another message and ask her out. If you don't hear from her in a few days close her out. Otherwise, I would close her out with:

"This match didn't respond to my request to communicate"
"I don't feel that the chemistry is there"

"Other" could mean so many things. I would avoid using it.
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #4  September 5,2009, 1:05pm
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Lol, I often use other because the choices are so bad.

If she were interested you would have heard from her. If it's bothering you to have sit there, close checking anything you like.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  September 5,2009, 1:08pm
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I have sent messages such as "it was nice meeting you, but since you have not responded I'm going to close. Please ask me to re-open if I have misunderstood." Followed by immediately closing.

These matches have never asked to re-open, and I don't think any have bothered to send the final canned comment either.

For what that's worth.
 
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Paolo1117 is offline Paolo1117 Post #6  September 5,2009, 1:13pm
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Yeah it just doesn't make sense that she wouldn't have replied. She seemed really interested at first, but then I didn't hear anything else after that...some people are just weird maybe..?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  September 5,2009, 1:25pm
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How long?
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86CJ7 is offline 86CJ7 Post #8  September 5,2009, 1:25pm

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I never understand those who needlessly close people out-meaning, we all have different time frames. We all have different activity levels, We all have things going on in real life.

Why the rush to close people out? What is it costing you to leave them open? A cluttered in-box? Who cares?

And closing with "other" out of spite? What good does that do to you? Be patient. Be real. And above all, be considerate.
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #9  September 5,2009, 1:29pm
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Hi Paolo,

I like Melman's answer the best. It's polite, and it still gives her an "out" if something should have happened, like if she's been stranded while mountain climbing or whatever.

And yes, people are weird. :-)
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  September 5,2009, 1:42pm
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86CJ7 wrote :
Why the rush to close people out? What is it costing you to leave them open?
The cost is mental and emotional space in my brain. I only have so much of it.

If a match sprints through the guided steps in a couple of days and then everything comes to a halt when OC starts, it tells she's either a flake or is not interested. "Forcing" movement never has a happy ending. It leads to "pursuing" which is a foolish thing to do with a total stranger.
 
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