Does it ruffle your feathers when someone truly awful "closes" you down?


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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  September 1,2009, 11:18am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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When I get "closed" down by someone that I wouldn't, in a million years of desperation and celibacy, go on a date with I feel a little bit ... well pissed off.

Is that normal? Am I too tiny minded / fragile for the world of internet dating or do you feel the same? (in which case we both might be tiny minded).

It's not a big deal, I get over it quickly and I do see my own ridiculousness but I also wondered if I was alone....
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  September 1,2009, 2:22pm
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I've seen someone else here "explain" that by saying that the other person is just realizing that they are in a different (i.e., lower) league and basically not worth consideration, and is therefore doing the right thing by closing first...lol.

Whatever works for ya!

(Actually, there is no telling why anyone closes a match -- even if they do check one of the little boxes....)
 
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organizedmayhem is offline organizedmayhem Post #3  September 1,2009, 2:56pm
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Nope, I'm not mad, I'm glad. You've really got to develop a bit of a thick skin when it comes to this internet dating stuff or you'll spend way too much time and energy feeling bad or mad or sad.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  September 1,2009, 3:05pm
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Nah.
Why would it?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  September 1,2009, 3:18pm
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Nah....for one I don't even bother to look at the profile of someone who closed me - they did and that's that and who cares why or what for and they saved me the work of having to do it myself.

Also....perhaps they see your profile in the exact same light as you see theirs - incompatible, not in a million years, yuck - you are in effect in mutual agreement about each other.
 
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pgh52 is offline pgh52 Post #6  September 1,2009, 3:34pm
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No, you have to be quick on the draw, look, read, assess, Icebreaker or close. Its not personal, its purely a speed thing. If you get a match you think is truly awful, why haven't you closed it in a blink? I do, with no qualms or worries about how the other person feels. They were never going to be the one. Also if you close, no ego damage!!
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #7  September 1,2009, 3:58pm
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No, it doesn't. Basing you self-esteem on the opinions of a bunch of online strangers isn't a great idea to begin with. Furthermore, while some qualities may have have a scale of better or worse (appearance and intellect come to mind, though even then the scale isn't always so straightforward), many do not. I can tell you that if I got matched with a brilliant woman with supermodel look,s but she was certain that she didn't want kids, I'd close it in a heartbeat.

When looking at a match, the question to ask isn't "am I better than this person?", but "am I good match for this person?". Trying to "keep score" just seems to me like an exercise in frustration.
 
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jacsmit is offline jacsmit Post #8  September 1,2009, 4:56pm
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Does it have anything to do with you possibly thinking "how dare someone so much lower than me (in dating "leagues") close me out first, before I had a chance to close them, proving that people like that would never get a date with me in a million years?"

Do you feel in competition with people? Do you feel better than others? There are a lot of questions/attitudes along these lines that you might want to reflect on. It could be something simple (fear of rejection) or deeper (wanting power/judgment over what others can/can't do - based on your perception of their "status"). For example.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #9  September 1,2009, 5:21pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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It doesn't bother me when anyone closes me. I just look at it as an opportunity to meet someone else who could be a great match for me.
 
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jovijunkie is offline jovijunkie Post #10  September 1,2009, 5:53pm
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Doesn't bother me at all. Just happened tonight actually.
 
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