Big_Bopper is offline Big_Bopper Post #1  September 1,2009, 7:17am
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I had a hard time initially with the concept of multiple matches. I hate to think of this as a “numbers game,” but I do accept that the first “perfect match” won’t necessarily be “the one.” So I have moved ahead with communicating with multiple matches.
I am now in open communication with 3 ladies, and at stage 3 with another 2 who I am really interested in.
I have fallen heavily for one, who happens to be on the other side of the world, and am really enjoying my correspondence with another, who wants me to fly across country to meet her.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #2  September 1,2009, 7:36am
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You're emailing, right. Big deal. I imagine they are too. No, it is impolite to talk about other private conversations with another without the parties consent. If you getting around to having sex with them, you probably need to be open for sexual health reasons. Oh, i suggest ditching the long distant one, or just having her as a pen freind. Really, you don't need to make you (and their life) rediculosly comlicated. I also suggest you give each a nick name that help you remind you which ones which when speaking with them. Rhonda the red head, Silly Sue and Jone-the-3-sons, etc. All the best. Just remeber they have other relationships too, and they have no obligation to disclose these to you.
 
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DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #3  September 1,2009, 8:06am
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I don't think you need to be exclusive when you haven't even met these women yet. I would not commit to exclusivity before I had met a man in person. Here's what I would like as a woman if I were one of those ladies you are in communication again:

While the relationship is just email and even phone, I don't think you have any obligation to disclose that you are communicating with other women.

Once you meet in person, if you decide to go on another date with her, I think you should be up front that you are communicating with other women on eH. You don't need to disclose any other details.

If you are going to begin a sexual relationship, I personally would expect to be exclusive at that point. At the least, be very open that you are going to sleep with her but continue communicating with the other woman. Give her the choice to sleep with you knowing you are seeing other women, or to break it off at that point.

Anything less would be dishonest in my book. That is just my pesonal opinion, but I think I speak for a lot of other women.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  September 1,2009, 8:27am
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Do you happen to have any contacts with what you may consider locals?? Just a thought for you??
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  September 1,2009, 10:30am
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Until you get to a point where you are in a relationship with one of these women that you like - meaning you are seeing each other in person, you are dating, you are talking, you are spending time together and things are about to become intimate, etc. - you really have nothing going on for you.

It's all well and good to like a profile and to enjoy the e-mails, but until you meet in real life what you like is a figment of your imagination. E-mails and photos and even phone calls leave too many blanks for your mind to fill in. You don't know the real person, you have no idea if there will actually be chemistry, you have no idea if that person will like you as much as you like them, etc. This is a very common issue with people new to the online dating thing - don't fall in love with pixels on the screen. Look at this as merely an introduction to new possibilities, but at this point you have no idea if any of those possibilities will actually work out in the real world.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  September 1,2009, 10:55am
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[quote=Big_Bopper;726618]I had a hard time initially with the concept of multiple matches. I hate to think of this as a “numbers game,” but I do accept that the first “perfect match” won’t necessarily be “the one.” So I have moved ahead with communicating with multiple matches.
I am now in open communication with 3 ladies, and at stage 3 with another 2 who I am really interested in.
I have fallen heavily for one, who happens to be on the other side of the world, and am really enjoying my correspondence with another, who wants me to fly across country to meet her.
 
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Big_Bopper is offline Big_Bopper Post #7  September 1,2009, 8:09pm
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DeBrown wrote :
I don't think you need to be exclusive when you haven't even met these women yet. I would not commit to exclusivity before I had met a man in person. Here's what I would like as a woman if I were one of those ladies you are in communication again:

While the relationship is just email and even phone, I don't think you have any obligation to disclose that you are communicating with other women.

Once you meet in person, if you decide to go on another date with her, I think you should be up front that you are communicating with other women on eH. You don't need to disclose any other details.

If you are going to begin a sexual relationship, I personally would expect to be exclusive at that point. At the least, be very open that you are going to sleep with her but continue communicating with the other woman. Give her the choice to sleep with you knowing you are seeing other women, or to break it off at that point.

Anything less would be dishonest in my book. That is just my pesonal opinion, but I think I speak for a lot of other women.
Thanks, that's actually very helpful.
 
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Big_Bopper is offline Big_Bopper Post #8  September 1,2009, 8:12pm
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Laughingdaily wrote :
Do you happen to have any contacts with what you may consider locals?? Just a thought for you??
No, but that's not surprising considering our relatively small population, and becuase our economy is based on mining, single men substantially outnumber single women.
 
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Big_Bopper is offline Big_Bopper Post #9  September 1,2009, 8:21pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Until you get to a point where you are in a relationship with one of these women that you like - meaning you are seeing each other in person, you are dating, you are talking, you are spending time together and things are about to become intimate, etc. - you really have nothing going on for you.

It's all well and good to like a profile and to enjoy the e-mails, but until you meet in real life what you like is a figment of your imagination. E-mails and photos and even phone calls leave too many blanks for your mind to fill in. You don't know the real person, you have no idea if there will actually be chemistry, you have no idea if that person will like you as much as you like them, etc. This is a very common issue with people new to the online dating thing - don't fall in love with pixels on the screen. Look at this as merely an introduction to new possibilities, but at this point you have no idea if any of those possibilities will actually work out in the real world.
Thanks, I agree up to a point. I accept that eH is only an introduction, and I suppose what I was asking is at what point that changes. I think I have that a bit clearer now.
 
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