Finally...I know why I am an eHarmony reject


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mystic_topaz is offline mystic_topaz Post #1  August 30,2009, 3:53pm
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is sorry she blew $100 on e-No-harmony:)

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After two years (and a few tears) on eHarmony, with communication that always stops short, numerous closes, and ZERO dates, I have hit a revelation.

It may all be about socio-economics. People are looking for someone in their same socioeconomic "class" By that I mean:
white collar
working class
middle class
in poverty
and so on.

I got a message from someone on a discussion board that made me feel a LOT better. She said that she thinks eHarmony markets itself to a white-collar, upper middle class, conformist, "yuppie" crowd. I have been pursued very little in real life by men who fit this classification and much more by exotic, "Bohemian" nonconformist, and working class types. She thinks men on the site are looking for women with advanced pedigrees, like they have, i.e.: went to very well placed colleges and universities, degrees, teachers, nurses, (right now, I can't think of any other white collar professions.) Being ignorant, at times, I always thought men were looking to marry women who are less advanced professionally, but maybe I don't know enough about gen-X. And you can see through the ads and success stories, look at all the guys wearing polo golf shirts, Ralph Lauren slacks, very clean-cut and conservative, and their wives resemble a modern-day Jackie-O in the way they dress. Simply put they are not looking for women who may have a "wild streak" in them, if you need any verification, you'll see on my profile that my hobbies are art, glass collecting, eBay, anything ecclectic and creative, and as for job, that I work in customer service, which again, may not be "white collar".

When eHarmony was a lot better in the early 2000s, the guys that I did hit it off with enough to talk to on the phone (I guess distance was an issue, as they all lived far away, so we never met) were very much more like my "class". One, btw, worked in a railroad museum for a living and collected historic train quipment (now THAT I found interesting)

Bottom line, don't feel bad, although the non responsive matches are a problem, I feel like people want to stick with their "class" and you should do the same.
 
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shortbeagles is offline shortbeagles Post #2  August 30,2009, 6:36pm
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Interesting take on eH. I never would have thought something like this.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  August 30,2009, 8:23pm
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maybe this explains why i find the majority of my matches a bore.

i want an intellectual guy, but not a conventional one. i am sorta a "yuppie" i guess but i really dont want to be with one, and it is because i have a "wild side".
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #4  August 30,2009, 8:32pm

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I never really thought of it this way. I just assumed eH matched you with people with similar backgrounds. I get matched with a dismaying number of doctors and engineers. I suspect that's due to education levels. I also get matched with guys who place an emphasis on keeping physically fit, as that is also an interest of mine. Some of my matches are boring, some are arrogant, some are fakes or at least not not seeming to be themselves (ie using huge words and trying to sound impressive when they just sound like uberdorks) and some are really really nice guys. Not all of my matches are white collar, though. Perhaps that's because my emphasis is not on education or income level and rather on his interests.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #5  August 30,2009, 9:54pm
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guilty as charged...
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #6  August 30,2009, 10:46pm
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i think that's true - that eH is a hunting ground for a certain sort. but i'd call that sort newly minted middle-middle class.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #7  August 31,2009, 12:05am
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I don't know. I had a look at your profile. Its kinda uninteresting. Ordinary photo too. Maybe try to refresh them.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #8  August 31,2009, 6:57pm
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mt,

Sorry for your frustration. (With EH at times I think about putting a brick through my monitor!)

If you decide to give EH another chance, I would ask to retake the personality profile. Although I only average about 1 date per year from EH, I have to say that I have really liked the people that I have gotten to and past OC with. I think that EH's system really does a good job of matching me with compatible personalities.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #9  August 31,2009, 7:12pm
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Hmm... The last word anyone who knows me will use to describe me is "conformist", but I still get people requesting communication.

What income range do you consider white-collar, upper-middle-class?
 
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OneDollar is offline OneDollar Post #10  August 31,2009, 7:26pm
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Hi Topaz!
Listen, it's a bummer that you are sincerely looking for a connection and not having any luck. I wish you could feel better! The truth is that you can, though, and it's all up to you.
One problem with EH is that you can't search the "competition." At least I haven't found out how to look at other women in my "categories" so don't know how to make myself look better than they do. I can only be myself.
One thing we have to come to terms with is that we, like our matches, are getting sorted according to what WE said we liked, or wanted, or operate. So think, please! about what YOU, Topaz, what you like, what you want, and how you operate.
You may want to start over.
You're not a reject, Topaz, really you aren't. Please stop rejecting yourself. Come to terms with what you are really after - I mean, make a list! - and feel free to be choosy!
And honestly, another, more feminine or flattering photo couldn't hurt. Please give yourself a real chance?
Cheers, and love!
 
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