BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #1  August 28,2009, 6:35pm
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I had a match close me today (he looked at my profile a few days ago) with the reason of "I think the physical distance between us is too great". I was a bit taken aback because in his profile he says that he's open to long distance relationships because if the person is right, it will prove to be worth it.

I'm less than 1.5 hours away so I'm not exactly certain what would constitute a LDR if that's too far away . I almost asked him to reconsider based mainly on the fact that there are so many "dry matches" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It just felt I would look too desperate. BOOOOOO!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to vent and ask for another opinion as to whether that reason seems valid or not.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  August 28,2009, 6:41pm
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To me a LDR is anything from a couple hundred miles to having to take a plane. I would not consider 1 1/2 hours a LDR. It may be farther than I would care to drive but not an LDR. But that is just me.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  August 28,2009, 6:55pm
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The city I live in is perhaps 100 miles from one end to the other. I have my distance preference set at the smallest value of 30 miles, and even that is too large. I went on two eH meetings with a lady that lived 30 or 40 miles away, and while there was some "chemistry", we knew the distance was going to make it impractical to develop the kind of relationship we both were looking for.

To the OP - you are right, don't ever ask a match to reconsider closing.
 
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pussinboots is offline pussinboots Post #4  August 28,2009, 7:12pm
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BLESS77 wrote :
I had a match close me today (he looked at my profile a few days ago) with the reason of "I think the physical distance between us is too great". I was a bit taken aback because in his profile he says that he's open to long distance relationships because if the person is right, it will prove to be worth it.

I'm less than 1.5 hours away so I'm not exactly certain what would constitute a LDR if that's too far away . I almost asked him to reconsider based mainly on the fact that there are so many "dry matches" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It just felt I would look too desperate. BOOOOOO!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to vent and ask for another opinion as to whether that reason seems valid or not.
You wouldn't look desperate to ask to be reopened by Someone - more on that in a moment - but in this case that was not a nice reason to give you based on what he said in his profile. Maybe he was trying to make a cruel point so in This case you were wise to not ask him to reconsider.

I myself have never asked anyone to reconsider but in the past few days including today I have reopened two matches who sent me the nebulous "good luck" phrase. The first one has answered the first set of questions; I am waiting on the second whom I reopened late tonight. The bottom line is choose well.

As an aside, I used to state in my profile about being open to an LDR, but then I realized I could never use that then as a reason to close.
 
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BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #5  August 28,2009, 7:41pm
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Thanks everyone for your responses so far. So it's not just me...I find that comforting. You know, in actuality, I never consider those that live in the northeast to be LD because of the close proximity of the states. They're only a hop, skip and jump away.

Hmmm, I don't think I could ever bring myself to ask someone to reconsider. Maybe I'm too prideful. I guess that's also somewhat of a double standard because if I was asked to reconsider any of the matches I myself had closed, I definitely would. Hmmm....
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  August 28,2009, 8:34pm
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BLESS77 wrote :
I had a match close me today (he looked at my profile a few days ago) with the reason of "I think the physical distance between us is too great". I was a bit taken aback because in his profile he says that he's open to long distance relationships because if the person is right, it will prove to be worth it.

I'm less than 1.5 hours away so I'm not exactly certain what would constitute a LDR if that's too far away . I almost asked him to reconsider based mainly on the fact that there are so many "dry matches" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It just felt I would look too desperate. BOOOOOO!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to vent and ask for another opinion as to whether that reason seems valid or not.
Then the guy simply didn't think you were right.

I'm compelled to ask: Is this the first time you have ever been rejected?

I ask for this reason: Your venting is similar to that of many other womens' posts that I have read that come to the boards speaking of being rejected on-line and a kind of shock and dismay that they feel, because they've never been rejected before. They never realized that internet dating gives each party an equal balance of power.

Now that you know what single men go through on a daily basis, I hope you use the feelings from this experience to help you consider how you will reject men in the future.
Last edited by Oregon_Coast_Guy; August 28,2009 at 8:44pm.
 
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BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #7  August 28,2009, 9:05pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Then the guy simply didn't think you were right.

I'm compelled to ask: Is this the first time you have ever been rejected?

I ask for this reason: Your venting is similar to that of many other womens' posts that I have read that come to the boards speaking of being rejected on-line and a kind of shock and dismay that they feel, because they've never been rejected before. They never realized that internet dating gives each party an equal balance of power.

Now that you know what single men go through on a daily basis, I hope you use the feelings from this experience to help you consider how you will reject men in the future.
No this is not the first time I've been rejected. In fact, if you think on what I posted, it was not about the rejection (I would have to be extremely arrogant to believe that I am a right fit for EVERY man I "meet"). I was venting because of the reason he gave when it contradicts what he posted in his profile. His statement of "if she is the right person then it will prove to be worth it" seems to be based on getting to know the woman THEN finding out that she's right for him and proving that the LDR is definitely worth it. Therefore, he wouldn't know if I was right or not because no communication was initiated. But that's neither here nor there since it wasn't my plan to read so much into it. This was a simple surface vent.

As to the sentiment of "now you see what it feels like", I have to say that makes you seem pretty bitter and assumptive. I ALWAYS let guys that I'm not interested in down easy simply because I appreciate that they thought enough of me to ask me out in the first place. I can assure you, I have never had a man walk away from me with their head down. Most times, they end up being my friend.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #8  August 28,2009, 9:07pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Your venting is similar to that of many other womens' posts that I have read that come to the boards speaking of being rejected on-line and a kind of shock and dismay that they feel, because they've never been rejected before. They never realized that internet dating gives each party an equal balance of power.

Now that you know what single men go through on a daily basis, I hope you use the feelings from this experience to help you consider how you will reject men in the future.
Wow, that's kind of assuming a lot. I think I stress more over turning a guy down than he does, but sometimes you just know it's the right thing to do.

She was merely saying she was confused because the reason given for the rejection didn't match with what the guy's profile said. Don't assume we're all flippant and heartless.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #9  August 28,2009, 9:30pm
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My dad always told me that the main reason not to lie is that often it would insult the other person's intelligence.
 
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w_elissa is offline w_elissa Post #10  August 29,2009, 5:12am
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I also had a similar thing happen. Since I live in an area where I am used to driving 45 mintues to anything, I was shocked when someone who lived 1 hour away closed it based on it being too far. I was just in a relationship for a year with a person in the same city and it wasn't too far at all. We of course broke up for a completely different reasons. I think that we should all remember that if we are really looking for the right person for ourselves, we need to be open to travel. If I find the right person I am completely willing to move.
 
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